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To my readers: As of January 1, 2017 I have combined all my published blogs onto this page in the regular blog format. If you prefer to start at the beginning and read everything in order, click here.

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Another Message to Mary

July 8, 2018

I usually never know what the trigger is for a woman who finally decides to write to me who wants to know the truth about this Hotwife Lifestyle and what it’s really all about, because I never ask.  In her current life moment she is seeking believable answers that make sense to her.  She has no interest in helping me collect data points.

I don’t mind because I have my Coconut Telegraph of experienced real life Soccer Mom Hotwives to help me with that.  They keep me centered and focused on my goal of helping people figure out if this Alternative Marriage Lifestyle is right for them.

When I get a Message from Mary, this is is the pattern it typically follows.  “Dr. Lexi, I’m freaking out!  My husband says he wants me to have sex with other men!”  From there her message is likely to go into three or four sub-categories or pigeonholes where she is either:

A.    Convinced he is trying to get rid of her.

B.   Thinks he wants her to date, so he can date.

C.   Thinks he is a sick, twisted, perverted man.

D.   All of the above.

Although I can’t look into the hearts and minds of men that have this very normal desire to share their wives with other men, the real answer is that 98 point something percent of the time the answer is:

E.   None of the above!

I have been doing this for a long time and have received email from 55 countries of the world so far, and the one thing these men have in common is the fantasy of sharing his wife with other men.  Not only that, but their fantasy is almost always that they only want her end of the marriage to be open because he has become focused on her sexuality instead of his own.  This particular data point is important.  I’m going to come back to it in a minute.

OK so, I have already experienced this phenomenon first hand when my own husband announced publically one night at a party that the thought of me having sex with other men seriously turned him on.  I had the same reaction as most of you Mary’s out there.  I didn’t understand it at first but at least he made his proclamation in public so it wasn’t like he could un-say it later.

Sadly, most of the time, men announce their intention to share their wife with other men during pillow talk because they are too chicken shit to have the conversation in the kitchen with the lights on, because they have little tiny BB balls. The cause of their tiny balls is because there is no Intimacy in his marriage. Oh!  By the way, the opposite side of having BB ball is when a husband has balls the size of Rhode Island, and just blurts out what he wants his wife to do over dinner with no rational explanation.

So there are two main questions here, Mary.  The first question is why do so many men have this desire to share their wives with other men?  To be totally honest with you I have no idea.  The very first time I ever heard of this was in 2014 from my own husband who stated rather publically one night that he would like to share me.

I’m not going to tell that story over again here, except to say that many women “like me” can be talked into doing this simply because I was already making my own plan to share myself with other men anyway, at that time.  You can find our story on my website archives, if you care.

So how do I know that this desire that men have is pretty much universal?  The answer goes back to the comment I made about collecting data points.  Although Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor, I don’t need to be, in order to figure this out.  Over the last several years I have received enough data from men all over the world to know it’s a universal desire unless he is a jealous man.

The second main question is how serious is he?  Here is where I can give you some valuable insight and advice on how to find out, regardless of how small, or how large, his balls really are.  I’ll start with the insight.

I get a lot of email from men who have the very normal fantasy of wanting to share his wife, but how he wants to share her, varies widely.

Not all men with this fantasy of sharing his wife with other men include having her exchanging bodily fluids with them, if you know what I mean.  There is no such thing in the real world as a “one size, fits all” Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle. It can be whatever you want it to be.

Why is that an important nugget of information to understand, Mary?  Because it’s important to understand who is in control here.  Without your participation in this endeavor, your husband doesn’t have a Hotwife.

Think of it as the Golden Rule of sex.  You are the one sitting on the gold mine, so you get to make the rules.  I would encourage you to be a benevolent ruler however.  Many Hotwives draw the line at trading spit.  To be honest with you I get just as much out of a situation when a guy can make me overheated just from kissing me, as I get from sexual orgasm.  Well, almost!  I refer to that type of kissing as mouth fucking and I really like that a lot because it can be conducted in a bar parking lot at closing time if you are into that kind of thing!

Some women are willing to go a little further but draw the line at mutual foreplay.  That one could be a little dangerous though, as I discovered personally when I was 15 years old in the backseat of an old Cadillac at the Blue Moon Drive In theater In Lakeland, FL one night when I went from zero, to all the way, in about 5 minutes.

The point is, it doesn’t have to be something you don’t want it to be, although I’m pretty sure I am saying this to a very small amount of Mary’s.  Most Mary’s want to understand what this is really all about and then want the full experience of “no limits” dating.

Most Mary’s want to understand how this is going to make her marriage better and stronger, instead of driving it off the cliff.  Most Mary’s want to understand how and why this Alternative Marriage Lifestyle is going to work day to day in the real world of being a Hotwife with two kids, a dog, a mortgage, and a husband who wants her to be sexually active outside her marriage after their kids go to bed.

Most Mary’s want to understand why her husband wants her to fulfill his fantasy of sharing her with other men.  Most Mary’s want to understand why, after ignoring her for the last hundred years or so, her husband is suddenly turned on by the thought of her wrapping her legs around the back of some sexy guy that is completing her!

Most Mary’s want to know that her husband is not  A. B. C. or D.  Most Mary’s want to know that her husband is E.  So that covers the insight part.  Now comes the advice part.

Mary, it doesn’t matter whether your guy has BB balls or Rhode Island sized balls.  You treat them pretty much the same way.  Don’t freak out and don’t immediately think the worst. If you have already done that, I will tell you how to fix it next time, but right now I want to talk to the Mary’s that know what he wants and are trying to understand it.

Can I be 100% sure that your husband is telling you the truth?  No, I can’t, but my data points have convinced me that he probably is.  So what should you do?

The guy with BB balls is a pillow talk hinter.  He thinks that if he keeps hinting long enough, eventually you will take the hint and volunteer.  This is freaking you out because you are a lot smarter than he is and you know it’s what he really wants.  This is where my advice from the past has changed a little.

When your husband tells you during pillow talk that the thought of you having sex with other men turns him on, the following morning over breakfast you should remind him of that conversation and ask him what he thinks that would mean for your marriage and exactly how he thinks that style of relationship would work and ask him if he has a plan.  That conversation forces him to deal with the consequences of turning his fantasy into your reality and puts you in control.

For the Mary whose husband has Rhode Island sized balls and says he wants to hold your hand in one hand while he holds his phone in his other hand and videos you being impaled by a giant penis in a motel room, ask the same questions as above, along with some rules of your own, such as “I’m NOT willing to do that, but I AM willing to do this, and you are NOT going to be either a spectator or a participant when I do it!”

Mary, I promise you that will be a much bigger wake up call to him than his brass balls were to you, and will get you to same place control wise.

Oh, by the way, I mentioned earlier that The Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle is one way, open ended.  The marriage is open on the wife’s end only.  So why is that?  It’s to differentiate this Alternative Marriage Lifestyle from other Alternative Marriage Lifestyles such as a completely open marriage, wife swapping, swinging, polyamory, etc.

Men who write to me, tell me what they want, because if they want my help, I need to know.  Most men who write to me have, for some reason, suddenly had a wakeup call and have become totally focused on your sexuality, Mary.

Can I explain it?  No, I can’t, but I have collected enough data points from all over the world to believe it’s true.  My husband was one of those data point men who saw me drunk kissing a guy who meant absolutely nothing to me, one afternoon at a beach party, and that was his trigger to tell me what he wanted.  He can’t explain it to me either, even though we have all the Intimacy in the world now.

Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor!

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Interracial Hotwife Dating

May 24, 2018

Dr. Lexi* is writing the first part of this Post, last.  That is to say that the Post is already written.  Sometimes I run these Posts by the women of Dr. Lexi’s Coconut Telegraph, and sometimes I run them by my husband when I want a male opinion on some particular subject matter, but this time I ran it by both.

The reason I did that was to get everyone’s consensus on whether or not I should even Post it at all.  I was not worried about it being factually correct.  I’ll explain that in a minute. I was concerned more about the subject itself, and the merits of trying to explain something that is, well, never mind.  You’ll see what I mean.

Disclaimer:  Everything I write is NSFW.  Some of the stuff I write is also Politically Incorrect, sort of like my day job.  This is one of those times.  This is not part of my Message to Mary series.  Most Mary’s out there are going to understand this pretty well whether they have experience or not.

Let’s start with the basics.  Men and women are wired differently.  You can’t look at an electrical blueprint of a man’s wiring to diagnose, or troubleshoot, a woman’s wiring, no matter how hard you try.

I’m sure most of you have already figured out that the subject matter of this Post is BBC.  The purpose of the Post is to try and de-bunk the myth that the only attraction that Caucasian women have to black men is cock size.

Yes, I know that’s a pretty bold statement to make but it’s true. I told you I was not worried about being factually correct.  The reason is because I have ongoing personal experience with this.  Not only that, I have two local Hotwife girlfriends that are also occasionally involved in interracial dating.

That’s just my own local experience.  In addition to that I receive tons of email from women telling me what they do, or asking for my advice because they want to.

First, most women at least generationally speaking from my age group downward, have a natural curiosity about sex with men outside their race.  I have had that curiosity going all the way back to being fifteen when sex first discovered me.

So after I became a Hotwife with some practical experience fulfilling Michael’s desire to share me with other men, he confided in me one night that he had another agenda item for me to consider.  He wanted me to experience BBC.

I didn’t jump right on that, so to speak, but I already had a natural curiosity, I had no racial bias, and the idea interested me, so I had no problem with the concept.  My one and only concern was how to find Mr. Right  BBC.

Michael wanted me to do it.  I was willing, so we tried to make a plan.  That turned out to be a lot harder than you might think for a woman who has zero interest in hanging out in Hip Hop clubs.  I had a lot of conceptions about that and most of them were not misconceptions either.

In other words I was not interested in hooking up with a thug or gang member covered in prison tattoos.  Just like I wouldn’t consider hooking up with white thugs or gang members covered in prison tattoos.  I was looking for an executive type, or an athlete maybe.  I did try and meet some men that might meet my qualifications however.

I was willing to hang out in some non Hip-Hop clubs in those areas of Tampa and I met some black men but didn’t have any sexual chemistry with them.  This was back when Michael was bitching about my hook up rate being so pathetic, claiming my standards were unreasonably high.

It was also during that time frame when most of my Hotwife sex encounters were being conducted in foreign owned motels along Dale Mabry Highway that would be lucky if they had a 2 star rating, but they were convenient for my mission.

I wrote a Post one time 100 years ago about removing the comforter from a motel bed before sex.  That was why!

Shortly after my husband talked me in to taking my current day job, I was traveling with a man to Las Vegas where he was attending a convention, so I had some free time during the day while he was doing whatever it is they do for their business.

I was amusing myself playing blackjack until an obnoxious drunk sat down next to me and apparently mistook me for a hooker.  Imagine that!  The dealer kept making eye contact with me to see if I wanted him to have the guy tossed, but like every other aspect of my submissive being, I shook my head.  I didn’t want to cause any problems for anyone.

Suddenly there was this guy standing not quite beside me but in between me and the drunk.  He handed me a red chip and told me I dropped it. I knew I hadn’t dropped it but I thanked him.  He was rescuing me.  He suggested we go to a different table.

I was being rescued by a black Adonis, wearing a business suit that probably cost as much as my car. To say that there was instant mutual sexual chemistry between us would be a serious understatement.

When we left the table he asked me if I wanted to have a drink in the lounge.

“I really want to, but I can’t.”  I said.  He assumed it was because of my husband.

“I understand completely.  I’m pleased that you want to.”

“I mean it.  I really wish I could!”  I said.  I wanted to let him know I was serious.

“Can I keep in touch with you at least?”

“Yes!  But I live in Tampa, FL”.  I was not being an obstructionist.  I was being a realist.

“I don’t care where you live. I want to get to know you”.  He said.  I gave him my email address and forgot to give him back his red chip.

Having his five dollar red chip in my possession gave us lots to tease each other about while we were burning up my email server making a plan.  He came to Tampa to see me believing I was a cheating wife.  It was the first time I ever spent a whole night out as a Hotwife and it was my first experience with BBC and yes I was scared that it wouldn’t fit when I saw it!  He had me lie on my stomach the first time.  That turned out to be a very good idea!

It was an incredible experience.  I spent one night with him and two afternoons, and had full disclosure with my husband, who was thrilled!

That was three years ago.  He now knows everything about my life.  He was a professional football player and he is responsible for Jill and I meeting other players and so that saga continues.  We still get together when we are in the same city, if I’m not working.  He is my only, husband approved, FWB.

There is a myth that goes like this for white women:  “Once you go black you will never go back.” Is that myth true?  It may be true for a few women but not the majority, and that gets me to my main point, finally.

BBC sex is much more than simply being impaled by a small baseball bat for most women.  There are other factors and all of the other factors are emotionally driven.  This is why I decided to point out that women are wired differently.

Yes! I will absolutely admit that my first experience took me both physically and emotionally to a galaxy far, far away, sexually.  Those two things, the physical and the emotional, are the two ingredients, of a sexual experience at least for women.  Did I question own my future at that moment?  Maybe.

For those women who decide they want to be “black owned” (the porn term) and/or black bred, it is absolutely not, just about cock size, and could quite possibly be about love, if not with the man, then maybe with the stratospheric emotional experience that comes along with the physical aspect of sex with a BBC.

This is where I might lose some men in the explanation, which would surprise me, not at all.  When an overall sexual experience, both the physical, as well as the emotional, takes a woman to a place that she has never been before, and never wants to be without, moving forward in her life, this is why some women never want to live any other way.  Maybe it’s like heroin.  They become addicted to that special emotional place they can reach from the emotional side of BBC sex.

So now that you hopefully understand what happens when a woman crosses over forever, I’m going to try and explain to you from a woman’s perspective, what those elements, or the things are that she feels and thinks, that makes the emotional aspect of BBC sex, send her through the roof.

It’s actually not real complicated, but it is Politically Incorrect as I warned.  I have said many times that all women are more sexually open minded than most men.  Anytime I say that I get messages from men telling me “Bullshit”, and I get messages from women telling me “You go girl!”

Here’s the thing.  I don’t care whether you believe me or not but if you are at least willing to look at this with an open mind, it’s going to make more sense to you hopefully.

Women have to be sexually open minded even to be willing to consider Interracial sex in the first place, for several reasons that have to more to with social pressure, the Moral’s Police, certain religious beliefs, not to mention politics, in some areas of the country, than it has to do with sex.

I watched a PBS show recently that described how black men were hung from tress in the south for just talking to white women, so there’s your example of all those factors I mentioned.

So now that the world is evolving and it’s no longer a crime for a black man to have social contact with a white woman, does that make it OK with society in general?  Not only no, but hell no!  Not even close, unless you live in some place like San Francisco.

My friend Jill was dancing with a guy at a club in Tampa just last month and someone said something very ugly to her.  Sadly, I’m afraid that racism is very much alive in many places, which makes it socially not a good idea to date interracially at least publically.

“But Alexis, what about all those commercials I see on TV that seem like the couple is interracial?  Doesn’t that prove we have evolved as a society?”  No!  It proves that advertisers are trying to political correctly cover their ass by something that shows how society is supposed to think, but doesn’t.”

Remember what I said about Masturbation?  Everyone does it but most people don’t talk about it.  Society is like that.  Preach one thing but practice something else

I don’t want to spend too much more time on this point except one last thing which absolutely proves my point that open interracial dating is still unofficially taboo.  There are at least a dozen resorts in Jamaica that cater specifically to Caucasian women looking for a black immersion experience.

Back when Michael and I were boating, one of our couple friends told us that they take separate vacations.  He goes hiking on the Appalachian Trail and she goes to one of the specialty Lifestyle resorts where everything is included, and I do mean everything, so she can engage in her passion for BBC for a week.  She has been doing this for over twenty years.

That Lifestyle is big business in Jamaica.  So if interracial sex is such a lucrative business in places like Jamaica, why aren’t there any in Florida?  Or Mississippi?  Or Texas?

I’m not suggesting they don’t exist, but I am suggesting they are flying under the social, and moral radar, if they do.

So now back to the reasons why BBC sex is different emotionally for a sexually open minded Caucasian female.  I didn’t forget about that, but like everything else I teach, it is a series of steps that have to be completed in order before the next step.

It is thrilling for a woman to do something taboo, or naughty, and to flaunt it.  An open minded woman is perfectly willing to flash her body parts because it’s a social no-no.

I wrote a Post one time about some photos Michael sent me of women flashing in Wal-Mart.  I didn’t understand it at the time.  I wrote in my Post something like, I have no problem with women flashing their nipples or their twink in Wal-Mart but why do they have to stick out their tongue when they do it?

Well, I got it explained to me by several women who read my Post.  When a woman does something sexually naughty in public like flashing her nipples, the act of sticking out her tongue when she does it, is her visual signal that doing something naughty like that is emotionally thrilling for her.

I totally get that!  I’m not sure if I stick my tongue out during BBC sex or not, but it is thrilling for me to engage in something that is a social no-no, a moral, religious, or political, taboo.

It is that special combination of factors knowing that I am doing something very naughty that gives me that special emotional boost that puts me in that galaxy far, far, away emotionally, during BBC sex.

Does cock size matter?  Of course it matters, but here’s the thing.  The same size Caucasian penis does not provide the same overall experience.  It only provides the physical half of that equation, and although it is still emotionally fulfilling, those special emotional feelings that are part of a BBC experience, are not the same.

So lastly, what about all the rest of us white chicks who get the same combination of physical and emotional rush, from BBC sex, but we don’t cross over?  We don’t want to be Black owned or bred, and we don’t want to leave our husband’s.  Here’s my take on that.

As for me, and for all of the women I speak for, a BBC experience is like dessert.  It’s not like the main meal.  I like Ice cream, but I don’t want to eat it every day.  Most women don’t want their diet to consist of only dessert.

We want a healthy well balanced diet and occasionally we like to have dessert.

One last thing, to anyone I may have offended with my lack of Political Correctness, I want you to know that I sincerely hope . . . .  that you have a nice day, but don’t bother sending me any hate mail.  I’m not in the mood!

Copyright 2018, Alexis McCall

*Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor.

~

 

Dr. Lexi’s* Cinco de Mayo Report

May 8, 2018

This Post is for all of you that have been after me to post more stuff about my personal life.  OK, I get it.  In order to get my main message out to a wider cross section of readers, I understand that sometimes I have to make my message appeal to a more, well, wider cross section of readers that want to know more about my life than simply my main message.

This is one of those times.  So, Mary, if you are looking for words of wisdom about the Hotwife Lifestyle and the benefits to your marriage from embracing it, this is not one of those times.

This post is about Cinco de Mayo, Day Drinking, and partying with my BFF Jill.   It’s also a little bit about my husband Michael, and a cooking injury I suffered, which set all of the events I’m going to tell you about, in motion.

This might be more complicated for me to explain than it will be for you to understand because I have to start at the beginning in my blonde mind.  At least I hope it’s easier for you to understand.  So here we go.

For the past three years Jill and I have partied together on Cinco de Mayo, which coincidently is always celebrated on May 5th for some reason, unlike Easter which has no regular date, but always is on Sunday, or Thanksgiving which always happens on a Thursday but has no regular date either.  See what I mean?

So back to Cinco de Mayo, we start the day partying together with the understanding that life has options, unlike the date we celebrate it which is always the same.

Jill usually has more options because so long as a guy is old enough to get into someplace where we are partying he might be one of her options depending on how intensively we have been partying, how much interest he shows, and vise versa.

I could have worded that somewhat more provocatively about what else he might be able to get into, but  . . . . . you get the idea.  I’m not going to speak for her any more than I already have.

We are a pair of middle aged women and we both understand that right now we have more options than we are going to have later.  The way we look at how we celebrate Cinco de Mayo is that the time we spend together partying is our Plan B. Later on in the night we move on to our individual Plan A.

This year Jill had more options than I did for Plan A, for another reason besides the fact she casts a wider net.  That other reason is what takes me to the beginning of this report.

May 2nd I was baking bread in a cast iron skillet and I burned my thumb on the skillet handle and then burned my underarm on the inside of the oven door when I panicked.  That’s a whole other story but the result was that the burns were severe enough that I had to go to an afterhours walk in clinic to get the burns treated properly.

I called Michael when I got home and told him what happened.  He came down to check on me the following day, which was sweet.  He also invited me to spend the weekend with him in Orlando knowing I would opt out, for two reasons.

Reason #1 was that for him, it was a golf outing.  Reason #2 was because I always go out with Jill on Cinco de Mayo which once again this year fell on May 5th which surprised me not at all.

He likes me going out with Jill on Cinco de Mayo because I usually have a story for him later.  The point is that he already knew I had other plans when he invited me to Orlando.

So anyway, my injuries took me out of Service as far as my Plan A options were concerned, but didn’t keep me out of party mode.  Now, the way we do it is to start early in the day, usually late morning.  Why?  Because we can!

Historically our goal is to celebrate Cinco de Mayo by having our first tequila before noon, usually a margarita, but not this time.  I should probably point out that we never leave about a ten block area of downtown Tampa for several reasons which I’m not going to get into, but personal safety is one of them.  To use one of Michael’s sports analogies, we prefer to play a home game that day.

Jill is the best possible friend I could have because she is always looking out for me.  All of you know that Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor, but now I have started referring to her as Dr. Jill, as well.

This is because she came up with an alternative medical treatment plan for my burns.  Her plan was pure genius and surprisingly simple.  When I congratulated her on coming up with this plan she gently pointed out to me that she is not burdened by being blonde.  She points that out to me every so often actually, going back to the time I told you all the story about Lawnmower Man.

Her idea was that I should soak my burns in tequila, but not in the traditional way.  Her idea was to soak them in tequila from the inside by consuming the tequila orally, like cough syrup.

So instead of having our first tequila of the day in the form of a margarita, our first tequila of the day was a shot of Hornitos Plata.  Her reasoning was that since you don’t dilute cough syrup, you shouldn’t dilute tequila taken for medicinal purposes either.

I’m going to digress here for just a minute because I think that is a very curious name for a brand of tequila.  Jill’s theory is that it’s called Hornitos because when men drink it they get horny and Hornitos probably means something like horny men.  That makes perfect sense to me!  We kept that theory to ourselves however.

I’m pretty sure that two middle aged women sitting together at a bar, tossing down shots of tequila at happy hour probably wouldn’t draw much attention, but at 10:45 in the morning it’s a different story, even on Cinco de Mayo.  Lots of people were in the bar though because it was Saturday, but I’m pretty sure we were the only ones doing it hard core.  We got attention.  Then two more shots arrived unsolicited.

In Jill’s world of professional bartending that is a social no-no.  She asked the young bartender where they came from and she said, “from an admirer”.  Clearly she thought that was amusing.  Jill did not.  She pushed both shots back to the rail and ordered us two more shots.

“You don’t want those?”  She asked Jill.  Jill shook her head.  The woman sighed loudly, probably thinking Jill was a redheaded bitch.  She picked up the two shots and moved them back over to her side of the bar but left them there.  I never get involved in the business of bar etiquette when I’m with Jill.  She is as far up the corporate ladder as a bartender/manager can get without having an ownership interest.

We did our second shot unmolested, but lots of people were watching us.  We decided it would be prudent to have lunch before moving on to our next bar.  The young bartender brought us menus.  The two shots were still there on the working side of the bar.  A man came up and sat down next to Jill.

“Hi Red.”  He said. Jill looked at him.  It was one of her semi-regulars from the hotel bar where she works.  She introduced him.  He admitted to being the one that sent the shots to us.  Jill didn’t make a big deal out of it, she just said she wasn’t comfortable accepting a drink when she didn’t know who it was from.

The reason I explained this is to tell you how I happened to do my third shot of tequila at 10:59AM, an all time personal record.  He was with some friends and pretty soon they all joined us at the bar. I didn’t do any more shots but didn’t quit drinking tequila either.

Day drinking is really no different than night drinking as long as you understand that if your goal is to stay out late partying into the wee hours of the morning, and you are two middle aged women, it’s not happening!

Although Jill’s Plan A mission and my end game mission were different that night, our common mission was to enjoy each other’s company as long as possible before our separate missions led us in different directions to Plan A.

We ate lunch.  Some of the men in the group ordered food as well and we all shared everything.  It was quite a caloric Fiesta!

“How’s your arm?”  Dr. Jill asked.  I had forgotten all about it.  I could see the bandage on my thumb but the bandage on my underarm was not visible because of my vanity unless I turned my arm over.  I told her there was no pain and she was pleased.  I didn’t tell her there was this buzzing in my head because I wasn’t really in the mood for another blonde comment.  I was pretty sure I wasn’t the only one experiencing it though.

“Are you ready to go?”  She asked.  I nodded.  The question was to let me know that she was ready to go and if I told her I was too, she would make it happen because she has a lot more experience ditching men than I do.  She wanted us to leave without the whole group following us to the next place.

I took out my credit card and tried to hand it to the bartender.  That’s my job in this process.  She shook her head to let me know it was already taken care of.  At least I offered.

Our second stop was less than a block away.  I really did forget about my arm until we sat down at the bar.  We had to wait a few minutes for two seats to open up.  It was still early in the day.  I made the mistake of absently resting my arm on my purse because there were no purse hooks under the bar.  Jill saw me wince in pain.

“I think we need to adjust your dosage level upward.”  Jill suggested compassionately.

“Yes, Dr. Jill.”  I agreed.  I was getting used to the buzzing in my head by then and it was no longer annoying.  She changed my prescription from horny men to Cuervo Gold.  A few men saw us getting ready to do a shot and asked if it could be a team shot.  I think by the time everyone was ready there were ten of us that did the shot together.

I have no idea if Jose Cuervo had any active role in Mexican Independence from Spain but we all saluted him anyway.  He was a friend of mine that day!

Jill and I were separated from each other during our fourth stop.  That is a social tactic used by men in night clubs.   We both understand that tactic very well.  When two women are together, the road to successfully getting to know the intended target intimately requires separating them first.  I think the technical name for this strategy is something like “cutting her out of the herd”?

This tactic is like sharks that are circling a school of fish.  The sharks usually don’t even have to know each other in order to work together as a team so long as they all get to feed.

If either one of us had not wanted that to happen, it wouldn’t have happened, so when it happened, I knew Jill was moving onto her Plan A, and I let it happen.  Once she got cut out of our very small herd, I ended up with the attention of the other circling sharks.

I lasted a hell of a lot longer than I ever imagined I would that night.  When Jill gave me the sign that she was moving on to Plan A, I got my phone out of my purse and ordered up an Uber.  I had no intention of having a conversation with the other sharks about why I was leaving or where I was going at 9:00PM because most of the sharks were just starting to feed.

I’m not good at candy coating stuff socially.  Jill was the target, and his friends were helping him separate us. When I got the notice that my driver was there I excused myself to go to the ladies room but left the bar instead.

My driver was not thrilled to have a six block fare and did his best to let me know it without acting surly, because he needs good reviews.  I gave him a great tip on the app and handed him 20 bucks cash when he dropped me off where I live.

His demeanor improved drastically.  He said his name was Samir but to call him Sammy and he handed me a personal business card and said next time to call him first before I call Uber, so he can be close by, if possible.

This was one of the best Cinco de Mayo’s ever!  I got to spend most of the day with my BFF, I discovered a truly amazing new medical treatment for burns, for the pain anyway, and I didn’t get sick to my stomach.

You know you had a great time the night before when you wake up at noon and your very first thought is, “Where am I?”

*Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor and neither is Dr. Jill

~

Hotwife How To Do It (3.0)

April 30, 2018

I spend a lot of time talking about being a Hotwife who is living in the world of reality, so I get a lot of email wanting to know how a Hotwife who lives in the world of reality goes about Hotwife dating in real life.  Hmm . . . lots of words there.

This is not a subject that gets a lot of truthful coverage anywhere, especially if you are getting your Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle information from a place that is not known for providing real world information because they are more into glamorizing the fantasy side of the Lifestyle who thinks if you are a Hotwife, your husband is a Cuckold, or that you are a Vixen, married to a Stag, or the guy having sex with you is your Bull, or if you are getting your advice from one of the so called “Hotwife Forums”.

I have said many times there is not one right way to be a Hotwife who dates outside her marriage.  Especially when she is dating outside her marriage for the benefits it provides to her marriage which is probably not all Hotwives, but should be.

When a woman understands how this happens, it’s where the rubber meets the road in exactly how this Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle Supercharges every aspect of her marriage.

The way I do it which I have already explained in previous Posts is the Mr. Tonight method, which works for me because it’s simple, doesn’t require a complicated explanation, or involvement in a relationship.

But the way I do it does not work for every woman.  I don’t want to have ongoing relationships with men I meet most of the time.  I live in an urban environment that is a business center with several upscale downtown hotels.  I put myself in a situation to meet business travelers who are looking for local married women they believe might be able to be talked into consensual casual sex.

For some reason most all men believe it is easier to soil a married woman than a single woman.  I would try and explain that to you but . . . .

All I want is to spend a pleasant evening in a social setting sharing a few drinks, having a pleasant conversation with a man with who is interesting, there is mutual sexual chemistry, I'm getting my ego fluffed up a little, and then letting him connect his body to mine for the sexual gratification and the emotional fulfillment I get out of the experience.

Since I’m married and wearing my wedding rings, he assumes I am hanging out in a hotel lounge or lobby bar alone, because I’m either a guest in the hotel like he is, or I am otherwise available.  That works for me because men are generally disposed to think I am a cheating wife looking for a little excitement.  When men already think that, the only thing they really care about is that we are sharing the same space at the same time and maybe I will.

When they are right, and I will, its super simple to get hooked up because the men do all the work, and if I am willing to go up to his room, I never have to say yes.  All I have to do is not say no, and that’s where I end up.  It’s a win-win-win.  The third win is for my husband because that’s where he wants me to end up.  That’s the Win that benefits my marriage.

Is that the only way I do it?  Of course not.  I also date men I meet locally at the gym, or at the clubs in Ybor City, or at Ruby Tuesday’s, or in the checkout line at Publix, and end up having a half hour convo in the parking lot unless I have frozen foods I am worried about keeping frozen.  I do it the same way.  They think that since I’m married, I’m cheating on my husband.

That’s the easiest conversation for an inexperienced new Hotwife to have with a guy that wants to get to know her carnally because that’s what he already thinks, so he is less likely to ask her questions she has to struggle to answer.

It’s different dating local men because typically they want to get involved with some kind of “thing”.  I could have said “relationship”, but it’s not always quite that strong.  Sometimes they just want something regular or occasional.  If it’s really rewarding to me personally I might stay involved for a while.  I am after all, a Cougar.

My advice for all new Hotwife candidates is not to have long term relationships, at least at first.  When a woman who is like I was, married for over twenty years being for the most part, monogamous, the sudden exposure to external romance, passion, and sex, can be a little overwhelming, without having a shit ton of Intimacy with her husband first. 

Although I didn’t have that issue in my own relationship with Michael, I can’t look into the hearts and minds of everyone who writes to me for advice on how to turn a monogamous wife into his Hotwife.

There is no one size, fit’s all, however.  There are many other ways to go about dating.  If you are a new Hotwife living in a rural environment and want to do it the way I do it, there is probably an Interstate highway exit close enough to where you live, that has a motel with a bar that caters to business travelers. “But Dr. Lexi*, I don’t drink!”  You don’t have to drink alcohol.  Drink club soda.  I don’t drink vodka every time I go out either.  If you don’t like club soda, drink ginger ale.  I’m trying to get you laid, not drunk!

If you are a new Hotwife that wants everyone she dates to know that her husband is in on it, or a Hotwife looking for Mr. Right, instead of Mr. Tonight who also wants to have full disclosure, I’m not going to try and talk you out of doing it that way.  Follow your own path.  There is not one right way.

However, I am going to tell you is that actually having success doing it that way is problematic for a lot of "realistic" reasons.  Here are a few reality based reasons why it’s problematic.

The truth is that generally married men don’t want to have a relationship with a married woman whose husband is in on it.  Why?  Because he is cheating and she is not.  That shifts the risk factor heavily to his end of the ride on the see saw.

Here’s another reason.  More men than you might think are into soiling married women because they like the thrill of the chase even more than they like actually catching their prey.  Some men really only want to exchange bodily fluids with you to put a point on the end of the chase.  That’s the “one and done” thing some men practice when they are trying to build numbers instead of their stable.

I have learned a whole lot more about men in the past four years than I actually care to know from both the reality side of the coin and the fantasy side of the coin.  That’s just part of it I guess.

A woman who simply tells men that she is OK with having sex with them because her husband knows about it, is at risk of her pursuer usually losing interest during the chase.  Please keep in mind I’m talking about reality for an everyday soccer mom Hotwife and not for the guy she meets in a bar who wants to cum on her face.

I get email every week from women telling me they don’t look like me and they don’t have self confidence like me, or a bunch or other reasons why they just want to find one guy to have as a FWB and prefer to be that kind of a Hotwife.

I’m getting so many new female readers now that I am working on a new page for my website that addresses this subject of dating specifically.  I’m thinking about calling it my Message to Mary page, or something like that.  It’s a work in progress and it’s not up yet.  I have learned my lesson about putting pages up on my website that are not finished, like Starfollower37 for instance.

Although her Hotwife life story is current, my account of her story is not.  She is one of my local Tampa, FL personal friends in real life, who contacted me for Lifestyle Coaching advice through my blog, and we became real life friends.  One of these days I will finish her story.

My proposed new page is going to start with my list of Absolutely Do NOT Do’s.  So far, I have been answering these emails directly with all of the same things but it will be easier if I do it the same way I do when someone asks me how to get started with Step One, instead of Step Ten.

Now I say, “Read the page on my website called The Chili’s Game and then tell me what you think about it.”  It’s still a personal answer to a real question but it saves me a hell of a lot of repetitive typing.

But since I don’t have that page up and running yet, here is what I tell women to never do.  I have gotten some help here since Craig’s List got their hands slapped, but it’s still my Number One Do Not Do.

Do Not look for men to date on Craig’s List.  The reason for that has a lot to do with personal safety and a lot to do with the character and quality of the men who are looking there, or advertising there.

Do Not start dating (banging) your co-workers!  There can be no positive outcome for you Mary!  I shouldn’t have to spell this out, but if you don’t understand why, please send me an email.

Do Not become the neighborhood sperm bank.  You need to keep your personal business between you and your husband, and not any of your neighbors.  Michael and I watched a movie once 100 years ago about life in suburbia the 60’s WAY before I was born.

This couple on Elm St. or maybe it was Oak St. celebrated their brand new backyard pool with a neighborhood party and backyard bar-B-cue.   The highlight of the evening was when all of the wives got talked (drunk) into throwing their house keys into the deep end of the pool, at once, followed by all of the men going randomly key diving, at once.

The guy that came up with the house key of the woman who belonged to the house key, went home with her for the night and spent the night with her in her own marital bed, watching TV together.

Of the seven women, two of them became pregnant out of wedlock, two of them ended up trading spouses legally, and three ended up divorced.  The point of that movie 100 years later in 2018, is the same as dating a co-worker.  Nothing good can come of it!

When a woman tells me she absolutely does NOT want to do it the way I do it, because maybe she has body image issues, self confidence issues, emotional issues, or any other issues, but yet still wants to try it, then I say go for it!  Here’s how I would do it if you feel like you can’t put yourself out there socially any other way.

Actually, it’s how I did do it at first.  I don’t want to turn this into a very long personal story but in the beginning when I was negotiating with my husband about how this was going to work, we agreed that I would date Mr. Tonight.  My main search criteria was Find Him, and Fuck Him, and Forget Him.

Although I agreed to do it that way I also wanted to have one FWB of my own.  He would be special guy that could ring my bell, but yet knew me as a person, that I would date like a boyfriend.  Michael agreed to that so long as he was also married.

Keep in mind that neither Michael nor I had any idea what in the hell we were agreeing to.  I was only a prospective Hotwife at the time. I had zero experience.

So how do we make that happen?  We chose Ashley Madison.  I promise you I am NOT a spokesperson for that site.  In fact, I’m not even recommending it.  I’m simply telling you that If you want the world to know you are a Hotwife, but want to do it anonymously, you can do it that way on Ashley Madison and you can maintain who has access to you, and how much access they have for as long as it takes for you to get a comfort level.

I can tell you exactly how to do that if you decide you want to take that path, but with the following disclaimer:

Michael helped me screen my emails and by the time we got it narrowed down to three or four, he changed his mind and did not want me to have an FWB of my own, but by then we had this amazing Intimacy between us and I was OK doing it his way.  I already had my FWB.  I was married to him.  He was already sleeping in my own bed back then.

If you are one of Dr. Lexi’s reader’s who believes in my message, but not in yourself, please consider this.  Your body shape does not define you as a woman.  Your history, or your life experiences, do not define you as a woman.  There is the right guy out there for you, no matter what you are looking for.  I can help you, if you ask me.

The problem is, he can’t find you if he doesn’t know where to look.  You need to be swimming in a pond where he is fishing, or vise versa.  Sound familiar?

*Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor

~

Dr. Lexi* Hotwife Blog Info

April 19, 2018

Dr. Lexi* has been a busy little bee this month catching up on her blogging.  I received several verbal spankings from some of you who actually care what I think about the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle and have missed my previously more or less timely blog Posts.  I’m trying to make amends.

Here’s the thing.  I write stuff whenever I think about it.  I have a ton of stuff I have already written but have not published for one of three reasons.

Reason #1 is that I would like to be as sure as I can be that what I publish is factually correct.  This is the main difference between me and the mainstream media.  Since I’m a Lifestyle blogger outside of the umm, socially acceptable norm, it’s not like I’m reporting on the news of the day.  My views are somewhat subjective.

OK.  Never mind what I said about the mainstream media.  Now that I think about it the mainstream media’s views about politics are no less subjective than my Lifestyle views.  That was a wasted couple of paragraphs!

Anyway, it’s embarrassing when I put something out there and then hear from the trusted and respected Cadre of my Coconut Telegraph, which is made up of other Soccer Mom Hotwives living totally in the world of Reality like me, who have given me my voice, and advice, telling me I got it wrong.  I hate when that happens so I try extra hard to make sure it doesn’t!

They don’t send me hate mail like the Morals Police and the fantasy caption writers do, because they don’t want to silence me.  They simply want me to get it right.  I take their counsel.  Actually my husband is also one of my biggest critics.  He doesn’t send me hate mail either, but sometimes he does not agree with me.  He lets me do it my way, for better or for worse.  I love him for that!

If I crash and burn, which has happened two times, he doesn’t say, “I told you so!”  He picks me up, dusts me off, gives me a hug, and says, “Try something else.”

Reason #2 is that sometimes Dr. Lexi’s brain works in mysterious ways.  I may have a very clear thought about something I want to share with all of you but when I write it down it doesn’t make sense even to me, so it stays in my file of unpublished stuff.

It doesn’t mean I give up on it.  It simply means that I didn’t figure out how to explain my message.  Sometimes when that happens I ask my personal men friends for help in how to explain a message to a largely male target from the perspective of a woman.

That is not as easy as you might think.  I spent a whole week of my life studying the term “Compersion”.  I wanted to compare Compersion with Intimacy.  I wrote, and I wrote, and I wrote.

Even when I explained exactly what I was trying to do, Michael was like “Huh? What?” after he read everything I wrote about Compersion.  So I enlisted a few of my respected intellectual male friends, and asked for their help.

They all tried to help me and after considering everything, I decided that some things are better left unsaid.  Although I am pretty sure there is some relationship between Compersion and Intimacy, it’s going to take someone a lot smarter than Dr. Lexi, to be able to explain it.

That brings us to reason #3.  Reason #3 is kind of complicated for a blogger who is blogging in two different worlds but who only has one message.  My message has always and forever been just one thing, which is the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle, as it is practiced in the world of reality.  That is where the term Soccer Mom Hotwife came from.

When I first started blogging outside of Tumblr in the mainstream, I made the mistake of separating the two blog Posts.  The message was the same but the way it was delivered was not, so now that I have combined the blogs on my website, and publish the same message to both Blogs, reason #3 is no longer much of an issue.

I wanted all of you to be able to identify with real everyday couples with a hell of a lot more on their mind than simply wife sex, wife fucking, or my own personal term to use, which is hopefully more inclusive of reality.   That term is “wife sharing” and I use it as one of my hash tags.

A soccer mom Hotwife does not spend her day at the salon getting ready for her hot date feeling deliciously sexy and practically in heat, wet with anticipation, not very often anyway.

She is managing her own career, or household, negotiating with her friends, neighbors, husband, or family, to figure out who is going to pick up Kathy from band practice or Angelo, from soccer practice, or baking cookies for the school fundraiser, and oh by the way, she has a date planned later with a new friend she met the previous Wednesday during Girl’s Night Out, for later after her kids go to bed so that there are no complicated questions for dad such as “Where’s mom going?”   Have you ever seen a caption writer address that issue?  No, you haven’t, but I bet you will soon!

These people who live in reality are the people I am writing my blogs for.  These people are the reason I have a website that has no porn and no fantasy.

I began my blog several years ago for people like Michael and me who are real people who have a real life with jobs, and kids who complicate their Lifestyle, not to mention friends, who are not really friends once they know about your special secret.

So here’s the thing.  My Lifestyle as it is, in the world of reality, is in direct conflict with the way it is portrayed in one of the two places I have my blog.  This would be a bigger problem for me if I cared about the number of followers I have, which I don’t.

From Day One I have only cared about one thing.  I wanted to be a resource of reliable information about this incredible, potential marriage enriching Alternative Lifestyle for people who are searching for the truth without all the porn, fantasy, and bullshit!

I get a lot of email about this subject which is why I decided to address it directly like I do about everything else.  I’m quite certain these emails are written with love. They go something like this:

“Look bitch! If you have a problem with Tumblr and the content in the Hotwife blog, why are you here?  Get a life and stop whining, or get the fuck out!”

OK, so I’m always up for some constructive criticism.  I’m here because it’s where I started my crusade of spreading the truth because when my husband and I began our journey there was no one else doing what I do now.  That is to say that we were never able to find that person if they existed back then.  The reason I’m still on Tumblr is because well meaning people searching for reliable Hotwife Lifestyle information find me as well as all the porn and fantasy.

My own husband is a porn hound.  He’s the one that found Tumblr.  I didn’t know he was a porn hound until we began exploring this Alternative Marriage Lifestyle together and I was fine with it because by then we had re-connected and built Intimacy. 

I didn’t think he was a sick fuck because he was totally focused on me in his reality.  I didn’t mind his fantasy of sharing me with other men by that time.  He wanted his fantasy to become my reality.  That’s the difference between fantasy and reality.  OK, so that was his reality, but not mine, but we had Intimacy.

He used to email me some outrageous photo captions of stuff he wanted me to do with another man or other men. 

My typical response to his emails was “I’m not doing that!”  I wasn’t pissed off though.  I was amused.  I was also thrilled that after 20 years of marriage, my husband was totally focused on my sexuality after being basically ignored for the previous ten years while he worked on his career and his precious golf game.

He wanted me to stop wearing panties.  He wanted me to go for a different look and feel below my navel.  He wanted me to wear an ankle bracelet.  He wanted me to get a butterfly tattoo on my lower back.  All of those things he wanted from me, he got, except for the tattoo.

There are not many heterosexual women that do not want their husbands or POSSLQ to focus all of his attention and energy on her instead of his business, job, sports, hobby’s, or other women, and when they get that attention, that’s when the magic happens in their relationship!

I pretend to be a dumb blonde sometimes because it suits my persona.  I get called out on that all the time.  I love that because it tells me that my message connects and my readers are paying attention to the message as well as the messenger.  That’s a very good thing!

On the other hand, I really am intellectually challenged about most things that don’t have anything to do with sex or relationships.  I am totally directionally challenged.

I know left from right, and up from down.  I am not so good with north or south, or knowing shit from Shinola.  I live in Tampa, Florida.  I know how to get to places OK?  I know where Walmart is, I can find at least five Publix grocery stores, and the malls, but if Michael wants me to meet him somewhere I don’t know, it’s not going to happen unless I can break it down to left or right.

I have no idea how women figured out where they were going before GPS, Google Maps, and that little blue thing in my mirror that tells me which way I’m going, which honestly doesn’t help me all that much unless Michael is trying to reel me in when I get lost and wants to know what road I’m on and which way I’m going.  I need to get back on message.

Michael believes that I need to have a presence in that porn sewer because as he so correctly pointed out, All Hotwife internet searches will have a Tumblr link in there somewhere.  I want people to find me because I can’t help them unless they do.  I really don’t care how they find me or where.  So why am I still fishing in the Tumblr pond?  Because I’m still catching fish!

One last thing, this is not meant to be an overall bashing of Tumblr.  There is lots of stuff that has nothing to do with porn or fantasy, but the thing is, you are probably not going to find me if you are searching for a recipe for Orange Lightning Cake!

Dr. Lexi* is not a real Doctor.

~

Dr. Lexi’s Hotwife Soapbox

April, Friday the 13th, 2018

Although I am publishing this on Friday the 13th, I actually wrote it a week ago.  I never publish anything the same day I write it other than adding notes like this one.  Besides that, there is nothing in this Post that relies on any kind of luck.

Now that I have learned what it means to be standing on my soapbox, I have really become fond of that term.  I’m forty five years old, somewhat educated, but had no idea where that term came from or exactly what it meant until about a year ago.

I explained it once before so I’m not going to do it again but if you don’t know the term and its origin I encourage you to look it up because it’s really very interesting.

I’m on my soapbox this time with a topic that I have talked about several times already in pieces, but have never addressed as a whole subject in its entirety before.  I’m not sure why I waited so long to take this head on as a blog Post, because I address this subject every single week via email with my readers who ask about it in their own situations.

So here is the whole thing covered at one time.  Some of this is going to sound familiar if you have been following me for a while.  I’m going to start at the beginning this time.

There is a pretty big difference between Fantasy, and Reality.  Hmm . . Nothing new there.  I have been on my soapbox about that since forever!  The problem is that men who get their Lifestyle information from one of the porn sewers whose Lifestyle forums purport to be a “Hotwife Lifestyle Information Center” and who glamorize a certain event that I am going to explain in quite some detail, mistakenly believe that this particular event is the norm, and so they make it their reality because they don’t know any better.

The event I am going to describe to you is where the wife is lying on a hotel room bed naked except for her shoes.  The women in these videos and in the photo captions are always wearing their shoes.  I could write a whole blog post on that subject all by itself because that’s really the only part of this event that is reality and not fantasy for a beginner.

Anyway, she is being impaled by a giant penis, often times a BBC, but not always, while her husband videos the event.  Sometimes he holds her hand in one hand and his video cam or phone in his other hand.  Sometimes he offers encouragement when his wife cries plaintively (not really) that she is being split in two!

Sometimes he wants some side action of his own.  Sometimes he gives her direction as if she might actually be listening to him, or actually cares what he thinks when she gets to some certain personal sexual and emotional place of her own, whatever.

So that’s the particular event I am talking about.  Here’s the problem.  For a couple who has zero experience with this sort of thing and thinks that it is reality, they find out quickly that it’s not reality.

Now, I need to clarify my comment.  Some women are controlled by their husband to the point that they have no say in the matter.  It’s his way or the highway.  He finds the guy, makes the meet up arrangements, and she takes off her panties when she is told.

When it’s over she writes to me for help if she knows how to find me.  Hearing from these women breaks my heart.  She is simply told what to do by her husband and she does it because she doesn’t think she has any other options.  She is not a Hotwife.  She is a victim!

This is not my normal message but it is my normal reality.  I hear from these women every so often.  I want them to reach out to me, because they have nobody else they can talk to.  In fact that is why many people write to me.

The mission statement on my website has not changed very much from the beginning.  I promised to tell you the truth about this Lifestyle, both the good and the bad and if you have followed my personal journey you know that it has not always been roses and cherries, but I always told the truth.

I am doing that now.  This is not simply an “Oh by the way” comment I just happened to think about as I was writing this.  It was planned carefully in advance, just so you know.  Some women are victims!

I don’t track anything about my email except the number of different countries I hear from, and the only way I know that is because they tell me.  I don’t collect countries like some people collect stamps, or badges, or stickers, although I do put a push pin in my world map to keep track of the diversity. If you are curious, the current number is 55.  If you are not curious, the current number is 55.

Why do I want you to know this factoid?  I keep track of the countries I hear from because it lets me know that my message is not geographic, or racial, or religious, or political, or socio-economic, or any other single factor.  It’s universal, and so far, it’s been relevant because my readership is growing!

So back to my fish frying.  Beside the type of email I just explained which thankfully is not often, but yet too often, there are three other types of email I get about this this particular event. Well, more than three actually, if you count the women who write to me who can relate to me about the shoe thing.

Here are the three main types.  The first type is the guy who writes to me who is gung ho (not sure how to spell that) (or even what it really means).  He tells me that he wants his wife to become his Hotwife and graphically explains what he wants her to do, as described above, while he #1 watches, #2 video’s, #3 joins the parade as a participant, and/or #4 directs her participation, while she is being impaled by a giant penis attached to the body of a third party, who is otherwise doing the main servicing.

This man writes to me for help to sell this very normal expectation to his wife.  This man is annoyed when I explain to him there is a pretty big difference between his fantasy, and his wife’s reality.

Does he blame his wife for this discrepancy?  No!  He blames the messenger.  He thinks I am the one who is full of shit!  He thinks I am the one practicing bad medicine even though he knows Dr. Lexi* is not a real doctor.  It doesn’t matter.  It’s my fault!  Why?

Because he has watched hundreds, or thousands, of videos and seen hundreds, or thousands, of photo captions portraying this activity as the normal way this Lifestyle works.  In one heartbeat, I have gone from respected Lifestyle Coach and Advisor, who he asked for help, to stupid blonde bitch that can’t find her ass with either hand.  OK, so that’s Type #1.

Type #2 is the guy with balls the size of Texas who didn’t think he needed any help telling Mary what he wanted her to do, as described above.  I usually hear from him from the dog house out in the back yard where he is currently residing, but only if the dog house is connected to WIFI.  Otherwise I don’t hear from him until he goes to work on Monday, assuming he is able to come up with a good story to explain the black eye he got when Mary sucker punched him.

Type #3 is from Mary who is freaking out!  I’m going to be honest here.  Type #3 is sort of complicated to explain because it kind of splits off into different paths.  If I spent a lot of time doing this justice, some of you are going to fall asleep, so I’m going to keep it simple.

This is what you need to know.  Multiple married Mary’s manifest many meanings, OK?  That is to say, not all Mary’s have the same concern about this sudden and usually unexpected development, in her relationship, but the universal reaction is they don’t know how to handle it and they are freaking out.

Keep in mind I said that these couples have zero experience.  So regardless if the email is from type #1, type #2, or for most of the type #3 emails, I tell them all the same thing.

All those people in all those videos, and all of those photo captions didn’t start with that as their first experience!  Those videos were not the very first experience those couples ever had in this Lifestyle!  Can I prove that?  Of course not, but I don’t have to because I can explain it in a way that should make sense to even a caption writer who is a porn sewer dweller.

Not only that, I have probably a hundred emails from women who have written to me over the years telling me what a disaster it was trying to make this happen at any stage in her Hotwife realm of experience.

If there is one thing about this whole thing that actually amuses me, it’s the fact that it is always men who tell me that is what they want as a starting place, but it is ALWAYS women who tell me it didn’t work out.

Men never write to me and say they gave it a shot and it didn’t work out.  It’s women who write to me about that part.

So what’s the answer?  How do you make this happen?  It’s very simple, like most other things about this Lifestyle.  You don’t start there!  If you want to get from Point A, to Point B, you have to start with where you are at Point A, and you have to make the journey to Point B.

For many women who have written to me over the years this is going to sound familiar, because it’s one of my favorite analogies, but I almost never use this with men.  I’m not sure why I don’t do that, but I typically don’t.  The generic question is something like “So how do I get from Point A to Point B?”

You follow the path.  You start with Step One at Point A and you take as many Steps as it takes to find your way to Point B.  If Point B takes you ten Steps to get there then you have to take ten Steps to get there.  Pretty simple huh?

If you have ZERO experience as a Hotwife or the husband of a potential Hotwife or a Hotwife-in-waiting, and you are at Point A with zero experience, you have to take the journey.  You have to take the Steps.  There are no roads.  You have to walk. You are in the forest. Walking takes Steps.

People write to me because they want to know what the Steps are to get from their personal Point A to their Point B.  They almost always want to know how many Steps there are.  Here’s the answer.

Neither one of Dr. Lexi’s* two Super Powers is measuring anyone’s stride.  I can’t tell you how many Steps it’s going to take you to get to point B.  All I can tell you is how to get there by taking the right Steps.

If your Point A is in the middle of the forest and your Point B is the highway, You need to know what Steps to take to reach the highway.  You have zero experience with the forest.  You can’t tell the forest from the trees.

You are in the middle of the forest but you can’t see it because all those dam trees are in the way.  Dr. Lexi* is flying around overhead in “forest view” like Tinkerbell**, except I am out of fairy dust to sprinkle on your head.  My re-order of fairy dust is on back order!

So anyway, even though I’m out of fairy dust, I’m still in “forest view” flying overhead.  I can see where you are at Point A in the middle of the forest, and I can see the highway at Point B.  That’s not all I can see though!

I can see the path to get you there.  I can see the pot holes in the path.  I can see the rivers you can’t swim, and the hills you can’t climb, if you decide you don’t want to take all the Steps it’s going to take to get to Point B.

If you are a man who is not even starting at Point A, I have some advice for you.  Don’t announce to you non-Hotwife that you want her to start at Point B.

*Dr. Lexi is not a real Doctor

**Dr. Lexi has no affiliation with Tinkerbell or with fairy dust!

~

Not my Usual Hotwife Post

April 5, 2018

Every once in a while I get an email that seriously pisses me off!   I got one of those last week.  I also get fan mail which I love because it offsets the hate mail that I get from the Morals Police and the caption writers.  I also get silly email that makes me laugh.  I wrote a post about that type of email one time called Dr. Lexi’s* Strange Shit File.  I almost have enough of those for Volume Two.

I get thank you emails from couples who have figured out that embracing this Lifestyle for the right reason can be a positive game changer in their marriage because their personal relationship has blossomed and become supercharged.

For some women, that decision can be as simple as understanding that her husband’s desire to share her is as natural as masturbation, which everyone does, but most people don’t talk about.

Most of my email time is coaching men who want to share their wives but don’t know how to go about it, or went about it full speed ahead with no thought and no plan, who crashed and burned.  I get email from women who wish their husbands would ask, and from couples who are Communicating with each other who simply need guidance so they don’t make a ton of mistakes getting started like Michael and I did because we had no one like me to ask.

As side note #1, I also get mail from men who have zero experience with reality who don’t appreciate the advice I give them, never mind that they asked me to help them.  They think they are smarter than I am. They get snippy with me or say rude things to me or call me a “fake” when I don’t tell them what they want to hear because I am not good at candy coating the truth.

I can always end the conversation with men like that by telling them that if they want better advice they should contact one of the caption writers on their favorite porn sewer Blog website, or forum, which is why they think they are smarter than I am in the first place.

I have said many times that getting hate mail from the Moral’s Police no longer makes me cry.  The reason for that is because my husband who is a sales-oriented guy told me that if I believe in my message, I have to be able to defend it.  If I am able to defend it, then I can take my haters head-on.

So that’s what I do.  I don’t cry anymore when someone doesn’t agree with me.  I don’t run from it.  I respond with a smile on my keyboard armed to the teeth with reality.  I always engage them but I almost never hear back from them.  Hmmm . . .

I find it curious though why these people are even reading what I write since they believe I am trying to destroy the moral fiber of the world when I say stuff like if monogamy was outlawed, the divorce rate would drop to zero and many Lawyers would have to find an honest way to make a living.

Another category of emails I get is from women who get my message but tell me they don’t look like me and they can’t put themselves out there like I did because they have body image issues.

This is side note #2 (Mary).  I didn’t look like me either when we started talking about this Lifestyle.  Any woman who wants to get from point A to Point B has to start at Point A.  That’s what I did almost fifteen pounds ago.  Any woman who does not have body chemistry issues can lose weight if she is motivated.  Dr. Lexi* is not a real doctor, but I am a real woman who became motivated to lose weight because my husband was ignoring me, but most other men were not, and I decided to have an affair with a guy I was chatting with online at roughly the same time Michael announced his desire to share me.

I gained those almost fifteen pounds after I turned forty because I basically gave up.  My marriage sucked.  My daughter hated me.  I had no life!  So in case you are wondering why there are no photos of me after forty until I lost the weight I gained, now you know.

Sorry!  I’m getting off message.  When a woman writes to me and says she gets it, but can’t put herself out there playing The Chili’s Game because she has body image issues, what she doesn’t understand is that if she is out socially by herself wearing her wedding ring, she is going to get attention assuming there is attention to get.  When that happens, so does the magic!  She becomes motivated and the pounds magically come off.  I lost all my weight in about 10 weeks because I became super motivated.

 So that covers most of the email categories.  The other category of the email I get is the one that doesn’t fit into any of the other pigeonholes.  I’m talking about the people who want to know how I can live with myself having sex with married men for the benefit of my marriage, but not for theirs.  That’s the one I got last week.

I don’t get the sense that these writers are members of the Morals Police although I am less sure about that than I am of the men who think I don’t know the gender of someone who sends me an email pretending to be his wife wanting to ask me questions he thinks she would ask him.

So assuming one of those pissy emails I get, wanting to know how I can live with myself is both truthful, and serious, here is my answer.  I do not target men when I go out.  I don’t have to, and neither does any other Hotwife.  I am not the aggressor.  I respond to men who approach me.

I simply put myself in the right environment at the right time.  The men do all the work.  Yes, I do what I do, seeing other men socially and sexually, for the benefit of my marriage.  It’s what my husband wants me to do.

It’s not about wearing an ankle bracelet advertising my status as a Hotwife either.  The only thing that really matters in advertising my status as “potentially available” is my wedding rings, my smile, and the fact that I am out socializing by myself.

I learned everything I ever needed to know about fishing from my grandfather who taught me how to fish in the ponds on his ranch in Lakeland, FL and in Lake Tenoroc as a young girl.

The two most important lessons he taught me was to know which ponds had fish in them and to not jerk the bait out of the mouth of the fish when they bite.  That advice was a lot harder to understand for a 10 year old 4-H girl than it was for an adult Hotwife looking for Mr. Tonight.

A Hotwife needs to know which pond the right men are in, and she needs to understand that men are all about the thrill of the chase and not to set the hook at all.  The men do all the reeling too.  All a Hotwife has to do is not say “no” to get the result they both want.

So that’s how I can live with myself.  I’m just a humble fisherperson fishing in the right pond when the fish are biting for the benefit of my marriage.

Epilog

Do I think this Post is going to stop the hate mail I get by blame shifting?  No!  Just like I don’t think that prostitution corrupts otherwise well-meaning men.  The only thing that is going to stop the hate mail is to stop Posting to my blog.  The only thing that is going to stop Prostitution is  . . . . well, actually nothing!

*Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor.

~

 

Hotwife Advice from Dr. Lexi*

March 26, 2018

I have some practical advice for the new soccer mom Hotwife as well as for the women I refer to as Hotwife-in-Waiting.   This advice is meant for women who have bought into this Alternative Marriage Lifestyle for the right reason but have little practical experience as yet, or who have made the commitment but haven’t had their trigger pulled.  I’m not sure if I said that right but you get the idea.

I’m talking about women who understand that by fulfilling her husband’s very normal desire to share her with other men, is not only going to enrich their marriage by adding even more Intimacy but will Supercharge it both in and out of the bedroom.

For those readers that have been following my blog for any length of time, you are probably saying something like “Yeah yeah, ho-hum, so what’s new?”  That’s what my husband said as his first reaction when I sent him the advance copy of what I have written below for him to critique before I post it.

His second reaction after he read a little further was “Oh!”  That is because I usually spend a lot more time talking about WHY this Lifestyle works than I do explaining to women HOW it works.

So now, in keeping with my Message to Mary series of blog Posts aimed at women, I am going to explain how to be a Soccer Mom Hotwife and what you can expect in your dating life.

So, like I often do with some of my more edgy writings, I am going to start with a disclaimer, besides the one with the asterisk that says Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor.  The disclaimer is that there is no one right way to be a Hotwife.  It’s not intended to be, my way or the highway.

I receive email from 55 countries, from all religions, races, cultures, societies, political beliefs, whatever.  The common denominator is married couples where the husband shares his wife with other men.

There is not one correct way to make this happen but I had to pick one way in order to explain it, so that it wouldn’t be too complicated to explain, and which would make sense to most cultures.  So I have decided on the way that is easiest for most Soccer Mom Hotwives to get started.

I would like to introduce you to my example brand new Hotwife.  Her name is Mary.  Mary is a stay at home mom who works part-time in retail.  Mary’s husband is in Industrial Widget Sales.  Mary and her husband have been married for a long time and married Mary, not contrary, has been out of the dating scene for all of that time.

They have decided not to share their special secret with anyone and Mary will portray herself as “married, but . . .”  The reason for that is because it is the easiest way to explain her availability, and where she gets asked the fewest questions about why she is out by herself socially.

I use The Chili Game as my Step One practical guide to starting in this Alternative Marriage Lifestyle because it doesn’t require any trigger pulling and won’t take most women out of their comfort zone.  The only reason this Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle isn’t more mainstream than it is already is because men have a tendency to want their wives to start with Step Ten instead of Step One.

I have received a zillion emails from men over the years who say to me “If I had only known then . . . what I know now.”  Well, that’s exactly why I do this as a PSA!

If you don’t know what The Chili’s Game is, you can click on the tab on my website and read it.  The purpose of playing The Chili’s Game is for a woman to build both confidence in herself, and Intimacy in her marriage, by exposing herself to men.

It’s not what you think.  I’m talking about socially in a non-sexual atmosphere, to build her confidence being chatted up by men, to fluff up her ego, and expand her level of comfort by expanding her horizons one small Step at a time.

I probably could have worded that a better way but it made me smile when I typed it, so I didn’t change it.  To be honest with you, playing The Chili’s Game is probably not the best place to actually get to Step Ten.

For anyone who has read our story, Michael spent many frustrated nights watching me never get past Step Three at a Chili’s.  The first time I did get to Step Ten playing that game, he missed it.

Anyway, my point is that I believe in the Concept of the Chili’s Game as a tool to get started, but not to rely on to go further than its stated purpose.  So this advice is meant for all the Mary’s out there in the current graduating class and are “Movin on up!” This is what you can expect.

~

Mary, you need to get used to having sex with your shoes on.  Men will remove all of your clothes but not your shoes.  I have no idea why that it, but it’s a fact.  I know this not only from my own experience but also from all of the emails I get from other women.

It won’t matter if your shoes draw blood on his back either!  Your shoes are not going to come off unless you take them off yourself, and if you do that, your guy is probably going to be secretly disappointed. (a little)

When you hook up with Mr. Tonight you need to understand that although he was hoping for spontaneous casual sex with a woman like you whom he believes is a cheating wife, he is not prepared for success.

There is not going to be a discussion about whether or not you are pregnant proof.  Since you are wearing a wedding ring and you end up in a motel room, or some other location suitable for sex, he is not going to ask.  Why is that?  It’s because he wants to have sex with you.  He is not going to ask you any questions that could possibly talk you out of your availability to him.  He will simply assume you are safe.  So be safe!

He is going to assume that if you are not safe, you would not be out socializing and end up with him in a location suitable for sex.

There is no reason for you to give your phone number to a man that wants to keep in touch with you.  He will promise not to call you since you are married and he only wants to have sex with you.  He only wants to text, he will say.  So give him your monkey business email address and use it on your phone.  It’s almost as fast as texting, its way less intrusive, and it’s easier to control who has access to you.  In those rare instances where a man becomes a pain in your ass, you can block him or delete your account.

I never recommend to a new Hotwife that she look for Mr. Right.  A woman new to this Lifestyle should not be looking for an ongoing “relationship”.  She needs to experience a variety of men.

I am not suggesting that you have to go out socially and have spontaneous casual sex if you are not comfortable with that.  If you want to go out meet that guy and you think there might be mutual chemistry and you want to go slow, then go slow.  There is not one right way to do this.

The only problem with going too slow is that sometimes you send the wrong message and men think you are looking for more.  Try not to send that message.  It’s why I don’t recommend seeing the same guy more than a few times unless you are dating more than one guy.

The goal of this Message to Mary was to give a little general advice to a large cross-section of women instead of the other way around.  My real goal is to help everyone because when Michael and I got started we didn’t know what the hell we were doing.  It doesn’t have to be that way for you Mary!

If you have questions, write to me!  I can’t answer a question you don’t ask.  If I don’t know the answer I will rely on my cadre of support at Dr. Lexi’s* Coconut Telegraph!

Sign your email Mary, if you want to!

*Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor!  She is really Alexis McCall.  You would be surprised at some of the confusion about who is really who, or whom  . . . . whatever. 

~

Happy Groundhog Day

February 2, 2018

To all the ladies of Dr. Lexi’s* Coconut Telegraph who have helped me figure out this amazing Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle, and have helped me to get it right, for the past few years, and to all my readers, followers, and Lifestyle friends, I would like to wish you all a very Healthy, Prosperous, and Happy Groundhog Day!

Dr. Lexi*

PS.  Sorry about your six more weeks of winter!  It is a beautiful bright Spring-like day here in Tampa, Florida.  It's 73 degrees!

*Dr. Lexi is not a real Doctor

End of message

 

OK Michael!  You lost the bet!  You bet me I couldn’t make a blog Post that was 100 words or less, so you owe me that piece of jewelry.  It was exactly 100 words!   

~

 

More of the Story

January 29,2018 

I briefly considered calling this piece “The Rest of the Story”.  If I did that, I would have given a mention to Paul Harvey, who my high school Civics teacher Mr. Edward’s, was evidently a huge fan of, because we discussed whatever Mr. Harvey’s commentary was about, the next day in class, after we listened to it, which used up most of an otherwise boring 3rd period. 

That was because Mr. Edwards recorded it on a cassette tape for us to listen to.  Maybe that was because he was as bored as we were.  I was OK with that because I didn’t really give a shit about Civics, or for that matter, any of my other classes. 

I was fifteen and was getting a LOT of attention from the older boys that wanted me to party with them at the bonfires in the orange groves after Friday night football games in rural Lakeland, Florida where I grew up. 

They were not interested in how much I knew about Civics.  I’m just saying.  When I was fifteen my bra size was already bigger than that of most of the cheerleaders, even the seniors

The point is that I was a very popular girl back then.  I knew why the boys wanted to be with me and I was fine with it.  I wanted the attention, I loved sex, and I was a cheerful giver!  Not only that, I could drink almost two beers without throwing up! 

By the time I was fourteen I had lost both my parents and was living with my mother’s twin sister who cared for me but didn’t have time to nurture me because she had a load of problems of her own.  She worked nights at Lakeland Regional Medical Center so there was no one to enforce my curfew. 

Anyway, I told you about that part of my life so that you might understand this part of my life a little better.  I spent a few days with my husband Michael in Nassau, in the Bahamas after New Years. 

For those of you stuck in the porn and fantasy world of Tumblr, he was re-claiming me.  For the majority of my readers now in the mainstream media, or on my website, it was our wedding Anniversary.

I had been on a cruise for my day job with a client which ended in Nassau and then spent two nights there in the hotel before he left.  It worked out perfectly for Michael to fly over for a few days after my client had gone.

I cherish the time we get to spend together because of our career pressures.  When we have time to just “be”, we get to talk about the “deep stuff” about life.  Truthfully, Michael is usually mostly focused on my personal sex life which is what he gets out of me being a Hotwife.

I’m OK with that too. (think high school)  I have a husband who wants me to date other men and I still don’t have a curfew.  Not only is he OK with that, he encourages it and loves to hear about it later. 

So we were lying out by the pool at the Atlantis.  I was into my third mojito and feeling quite mellow.  I had published my second Missive to Mary a few days previously before my trip.  In case you haven’t been following along, I have written a series of Blog Posts aimed specifically at women. 

I had written the third one but had not posted it yet.  I learned a long time ago not to write something without letting it soak for a few days first.  You would probably be surprised by how much I have written about this Lifestyle that after thinking about it a few days or sending it to Michael first, because I wasn’t sure, it never saw the light of day. 

I would like you to be clear about this.  My husband very rarely asks me to not publish something anymore.  His tactic now is to ask me to think about it for a couple of days before I publish it.  Since I do that anyway, he is Communicating with me that I might want to look at it from a different perspective. 

I am proud to tell you that my record so far is 100% correct.  I have never regretted not publishing something I wrote in anger, frustration, or because I didn’t think it through, or because my husband knows me well enough to know I would regret it if I did.  That’s because we have Intimacy in our marriage.  We are not afraid to tell each other the truth about what we feel, but still respect each other’s feelings. 

So there we were, lying out by the pool after having animalistic morning sex and then Belgian waffles, followed by three mojitos.  I was wearing a bright white micro bikini because Michael wanted to watch men looking at me.  That part of the mission was going well. 

There was a black Adonis checking me out from the other side of the pool who evidently had a very large potato stuck down the front of his Speedo’s. 

“You have an admirer.”  My loving husband pointed out tactfully.

“I am aware of that.”  I acknowledged. 

“So Alexis, has the ‘me too’ movement affected your dating life at all?”  Michael asked.

“What?”  I asked because of the abrupt subject change and 3 mojitos.  I was still focused on the potato. 

“When you go out at night to a bar, are you getting less attention from men than you were getting before the whole “Harvey Weinstein” shit hit the fan?  I’m asking you if it has affected your dating life as a married woman seeing other men?”  He asked. 

No.  I said truthfully.  Michael said nothing more about it, but I began thinking about why he asked.  The problem was that after three mojitos I didn’t have a lot of active brain cells left at the moment, considering our earlier activity before breakfast as well as the fact that I really am/was blonde by birth.

I’m forty-five years old now and I don’t know what my actual hair color would be if it wasn’t enhanced. I don’t want to know!  

So what’s my message?  Most women like attention from men.  We dress “carefully”.  I am not going to use the word “suggestively” because I will get hate mail from the Morals Police who will tell me that women like me are asking for it!

I dress the way I do because I like to feel sexy.  I like the feeling of being desired by men.  It’s one of the reasons I no longer wear panties.  It makes me feel good about myself.  Not wearing panties makes me feel naughty, sexy, vulnerable, wanton, and maybe a few other choice adverbs I can think of, but not type. 

Women, in general, like to feel sexy.  We like to feel emotionally attractive as well as physically attractive, regardless of any body image issues we may feel we have, whether the men in our lives or the men we wish to be in our lives, understand those issues or not.  Most women are sexual human beings who want attention from men. 

This is like a coin.  It can be a penny or a silver dollar.  It has two sides.  The heads side is what women want, and what we strive for, and as a Hotwife, and is what I want from men I meet, who want to get to know me, to date me, and to have sex with me as a married woman.  These men who chase me never know that I am a Hotwife or that I share all the details with my husband afterward. 

They believe they have scored some low hanging fruit because they were in the right place at the right time, and there was means, mode, and opportunity, for me to express my sexual side with them because I am a bored housewife, or whatever I portray my social or marital situation to be on any particular day. I have several different personas. 

The tails side of the coin is the negative aspect of being a woman and receiving unwanted attention from men.  This is the more difficult side of this coin.  This is the side of this subject where I feel like I have to tread lightly because as a woman I’m not sure what the male tolerance and power structure is able to accept. 

A part of me feels like we are women living in a man’s world.  Personally, I am comfortable and confident living in this environment because I know to how to navigate through it. (sort of like manipulating the system to get what I want). 

It has been a very long time since I experienced sexual harassment in the workplace if that’s what it even was by today’s standards.  In fact, my female peers never referred to it as sexual harassment at the time.  We simply had names for certain lawyers we worked for, such as Mr. Touchy, or Mr. Feely. 

You might think that a large law firm would be extra sensitive about that kind of thing but several of the women paralegals and secretaries were having affairs with their bosses.  If any of them were pressured into putting out for one of the lawyers who threatened her career, I never heard about it.  It was usually the lawyers whose careers, or their marriages might be on the line if they did any threatening.

I knew my boss wanted to have sex with me.  He never made a big deal about it though.  We almost did it once on top of my desk after a Christmas Party, but at the moment of truth he had a sex accident and that was the end of that.  The point is that it was a pretty common thing not that long ago. 

Did that make it right?  Of course not!  I have heard this saying both ways and it’s sort of confusing.  One way I hear it is “Times don’t change.  People change!”  The other way I hear it is “People don’t change.  Times change!” 

Hmm . . .  How does that fit with what’s going on with the “me too” movement? 

It seems pretty clear to me that workplace sex has been going on ever since there have been both men and women in the same workplace, so I would say that’s an instance where Times Changed but people didn’t. 

The other way to look at the same thing is people changed their perspective of what is acceptable in the workplace which would seem to imply that People Changed, but the Times didn’t.  

If you wonder how I came up with that little gem it’s because that even though it is not currently tolerated in most workplaces, it’s probably not going to stop, but men will become more careful.  More about that later. 

In case you are wondering why I decided to address this topic in the first place, now I will tell you the rest of the story.  So back to poolside at the Atlantis Hotel and Casino in Nassau where the black  Adonis was distracting me and Michael asked me if the “me too” movement has had any effect on my Cougar hunting activities, to which I simply replied “No.” 

“So why did you ask?”  I asked Michael after the black Adonis got into the pool and began swimming slow laps. 

“I didn’t think it would affect what you do as a Hotwife because men want what they want and it’s not workplace related, and since you are getting paid for sex that you are having in the workplace, that doesn’t count.”  He said reasonably, and then added, Are you hearing about this subject in your email stream?” 

Yes, I am.  I admitted. 

“Maybe it would be helpful if you addressed the subject.” 

“I’m not sure what I would say.”

“Well do you think all of those women are victims?”  He asked. 

“Hell no!  I think a lot of them just want publicity, but not the kids from gymnastics.  They are victims!”  I said with conviction. 

“Well, I don’t think you should get into the victim aspect of this subject.  You’ll get hate mail!”  Michael pointed out. 

“I agree.  I told him.” 

The Adonis got out of the pool and dried himself all over including his potato and resumed checking me out.

“Do you think if I go inside, he will come over and talk to you?”  Michael asked. 

“Do you mean like if you get up and take all your stuff with you?”  I asked. 

“Yes.” 

“He’ll come over.  I said. 

“OK.  Let’s do it!  I want to watch.”  Michael said.  He got up, picked up his towel and drink, and left the pool area.  A minute later the black Adonis came over. 

“I don’t mean to bother you but I just wanted to say that you are a very pretty lady if that’s OK to say.”  He said. 

“That’s OK to say.  Thank you!”  I said giving him my best smile. 

“I was wondering if he is your husband?” 

Yes, he is.  I admitted. 

“The reason I was wondering is because I saw you here a few days ago with a different man, no?”  He asked innocently. 

‘Oh-oh!  Busted!’  I thought to myself but did not say. 

“Uhhh . . . maybe.”  I said lamely.  I think he sensed my discomfort.

Well, maybe I will see you here sometimes when you are not with your husband.”  He said.  He smiled and then returned to his chaise.

My husband was disappointed that the exchange only lasted 30 seconds but was amused that I had been busted!  

Epilog

Everything I wrote above is true and actually happened exactly the way I described it.  The reason I decided to address what’s going on in our society currently with sexual harassment, workplace harassment, and female victimization, is because it’s a real thing.

Do I think its as bad as it is being portrayed?  In the case of our gymnastics young women, there can be no doubt.  Hollywood is a very different story.  Politicians are a very different story.

So why should a Hotwife, Blogger, Lifestyle Coach, and yes, Professional Traveling Companion, address this subject?

It’s simple.  Because so many of you asked me what I think about it or asked me for advice.  I heard from men who are now scared to approach a woman in a bar.  I heard from women who want to embrace the Hotwife Lifestyle and are concerned how they will be portrayed if they go out to a bar or club dressed like she is asking for it.

To both genders I say, relax.  Nothing has changed at the level of the Hotwife and the men who want to meet them.

To men I say, be respectful, but don’t be afraid.  To women I say, when you are going out because you are “asking for it”, it’s OK to dress that way because you will get a lot more attention than if you are dressed like a Librarian.  I have seen no changes in any aspect of this Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle.

Lastly, Michael tells me that one of the good qualities of my writing style is by the things I am able to say without actually saying them. I hope that’s true this time because there were a lot of things I didn’t say about Hollywood but wanted to.

Respectfully submitted,

Alexis McCall

~

Message to Mary #3

January 17, 2018

It’s just sex!  That is the message of the day, Mary!  When I originally considered taking my message about the benefits of the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle directly to women, it was because I knew I could do a better job of explaining it to a woman than her husband could.

The reason for that is not so much because men are shallow minded, we can have that debate another time, it’s because they struggle with the concept of Intimacy.  Most men don’t even know what it is, or why it’s important to have.

It wasn’t all that many years ago when a man got caught having an affair, that he might tell his wife something like, “What’s the big deal!  It was just sex!  She means nothing to me!  I don’t love her, I love you, so get over it!”

In modern times, men like Harvey have taken the “It’s just sex!” meaning of casual sex to new levels of meaninglessness.  The point is that all sex is pretty much recreational, and does not define the concept of marriage, and especially NOT Intimacy.

If you think about it more than superficially, there is no relationship between sex and Intimacy.  What’s my proof?  A relationship based on sex is only good as long as the sex is good, or until the youngest child is 18. (kidding, but not really)

I like sex because it makes me feel good. I love the physical sexual release of orgasm, and I love the feeling of emotional fulfillment and sense of well being which is the part that is a mystery to most men.  The point is that sex is just fucking.  It’s recreational.  It’s a sexually good feeling that is good to happen for a woman.  For a man, it’s over as soon as he is.

I spent the first three years as a blogger and Lifestyle Coach, trying to get men to understand why Intimacy is important in any relationship, but it’s critically important when they want you to fundamentally change the structure of your marriage from monogamous, to open on your end, Mary, in order for you to be able to fulfill his fantasy, and his desire to share you with other men for recreational sex.

This is probably a good place for me to take a breath and suggest that if you have not yet read the first two Posts on this subject, you should do that first, so you will see my bigger picture about this subject.

He knows what he wants, but he struggles with Communicating that desire to you because he typically does not understand the bigger picture of how and why becoming a Hotwife is going to make your marriage better and stronger, by enriching it.  By sharing your special secret, only with each other, it will make you closer.  It will increase Intimacy, and with that Intimacy, he will become focused on the personal part of your sex life like a laser beam, and I do NOT mean because of jealousy.

You will become his Goddess.  He will encourage you to flirt with men.  He will encourage you to go out on Ladies Night.  It will Supercharge your marriage both in and out of your bedroom.  He may want you to start wearing an ankle bracelet which in many circles is a symbolic gesture that he is giving other men his permission to talk to you.

It does not obligate you to anything at all, but it does send a message to men who know it’s symbolic meaning, that you might be a fun woman to get to know, because you might be open minded, and receptive to private social mingling, and maybe more.

So based on the email I received from my previous two Posts which was about 85% from women, it told me I was on the right track with my new strategy because I got a lot of questions which I am going to answer on a more general basis by explaining how both men and women view marital sex compared to extramarital sex.

I promise it’s not that complicated.  When a married couple decides that the wife should open up her end of the marriage and become a Hotwife and date other men to fulfill her husband’s desire to share her, it is not “extramarital sex” in the traditional meaning of infidelity.

A married woman who is having sex with other men, with the knowledge, consent, and encouragement of her husband is not Cheating on him, is not committing Adultery, and is not Cuckolding him!

Yes, I am aware that I am going to get hate mail from the Morals Police about that but they won’t be getting my cherry!  I’m a big girl now and hate mail doesn’t make me cry anymore!

Furthermore, Mary, every time you bring up simple roadblocks to your husband’s lame attempt to hint his way into recruiting you into this Lifestyle, when you tell him things like your religious upbringing would never allow you to sleep (have sex) with another man, or, that you have no desire, for sex with anyone one else because you are perfectly content with him, is, well, is bullshit, and we both know it!

All your roadblock really means is that he is a poor communicator and you need a lot more information!

A much better response would be to say something like, “Really? That’s interesting.  How would that work exactly?”  That puts the ball right back in his court.

You and I are both sexual human female creatures Mary.  We both fantasize about sex, and we both masturbate.  We just don’t talk about it for the most part, but I think we should.  In fact, I think we should talk about how we feel about sex.

I don’t believe you should allow the male stereotype about sexuality to define your thought process.  I don’t believe that your role as the heartbeat of your family, and your role as the nurturer, and the glue that holds everything together, and the security monitor of your family as a unit, should keep you from being a free agent sexually, if that is what your husband wants you to do!

So why does Dr. Lexi* think that?  The answer to that takes us back to how I know what I know, which if you read my first two Posts on this subject Mary, you already know how I know what I know.

If your husband wants you to fulfill his desire to share you with other men, it’s not because he has his own agenda.  It’s not because he is trying to get rid of you or trap you, or because he wants to do the same thing.

Am I 100% sure of that?  Of course not.  I can’t look into his heart or his mind, but consider this.  You are probably a lot smarter than he is.  Unless he has a history of lying to you or cheating on you, I would say that his desire to share you with other men is very normal and he has no negative intentions.

I get email every day from guys thanking me for what I do by bringing this subject out into the sunshine because until they found me they thought that their desire to share you with other men was twisted, sick, or perverted.  That’s because for the most part the way this particular Alternative Marriage Lifestyle is portrayed, is on porn and fantasy sites, or in Lifestyle forums, with the same porn and fantasy twist.

My mission statement is on my website.  Our story is on my website.  I’m not selling anything on my website.  I’m not tracking anything on my website.  Entering this Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle saved my marriage and Supercharged it, so if I believe in it, why shouldn’t I share it, and why shouldn’t I help others discover the reality as opposed to the fantasy?

The bottom line:  It’s just sex, Mary!  It means nothing in the bigger picture of your relationship with your husband.  You meet this guy in a hotel lobby bar with whom you realize there is mutual sexual chemistry.  He is romancing your ass off and wants you to go upstairs to his room.  He can kiss your lights out and can make you cum twice, or three times, if you count foreplay.  It is an incredible sexual release for you and a mind-blowing emotional fulfilling experience, but it’s just sex.

What could be better than that?  I’m going to tell you!  Going home and sharing all the details with your husband which fulfills his fantasy of sharing you with Mr. Tonight makes the two of you much closer, builds Intimacy, and keeps you as the most important thing in his world which is even more important than the Superbowl, and it was just recreational, casual sex which happened to enrich your marriage.  How good is that?

Sex does not define a relationship, Mary!  Not even during a “traditional affair.”  How does Dr. Lexi* know that?  Because that’s what women tell me.  Most women do not enter into a traditional affair because they want sex outside of marriage, they enter an affair because they want attention and focus, and want to matter to a man.

It’s almost as if they give sex because they are getting what they want emotionally, which they were not getting at home.  It’s just sex, Mary!

So the question you should be asking me is how do you get your man to tell you what he wants you to do?  This is partially my fault Mary, because I was focusing my message on how to get your husband to communicate with you directly, by showing you a completely painted picture about how and why becoming his Hotwife, and opening up not only your end of your marriage, but also opening up your legs to receive other men that want to have sex with you, would benefit your marriage.

I told him that pillow talk was not a form of communication, and that you don’t suffer from Amnesia because you never follow through with the promises you make during naked pillow talk.

I have changed my strategy now that I am focused on crafting my message to you, Mary.  The next time he says to you during naked pillow talk that he wants to watch you taking a giant penis, make the most of the moment like you normally do, except the following morning over breakfast, tell him you have decided to fulfill his desire for you to experience a giant penis except that he doesn’t get to watch because you are shy, and you want privacy.  Then make your plan and execute it, or write to me for advice on how to make it happen.

Now you may be wondering why I would suggest this strategy?  Because it gets the conversation out on the table, so to speak.

So what should you do if you want the same result and your husband is not a pillow talker?  Simple!  You become a dreamer and tell him you had a dream last night where he asked you to do whatever it is that you want to do and ask him how he feels about it.

In case you think my strategy is a little bold, I think you should consider some of the statistics I shared in my previous Posts that shows you exactly how normal this desire really is.

One more thing Mary, It’s just sex!  It’s not going to change one thing in the world other than supercharging your marriage if it’s what your husband wants you to do!

*Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor.

~

Message to Mary (continued)

January 11, 2018

What is this?  This post is a follow up to my Post of December 14, 2017, titled Hotwife Epiphany 2.0 in which I very naively made the promise that is quoted below which I failed to keep:  

“In the next few days, I am going to Post all of the reasons why fundamentally changing your marriage and the way you and your husband relate to each other by opening up your end of the marriage to fulfill his desire to share you with other men is going to make your marriage stronger, not weaker.  I’m going to explain to you why your husband will become focused on you like a laser beam.  I will explain to you why Intimacy and Open and Honest Communication will go through the roof and why your marital sex life will become Supercharged.

Is there a method to my madness of changing the focus of my message from men to women?  Will it also benefit men?  You bet your ass!”

OK, so Christmas and New Years have come and gone.  I missed my follow up promise by almost a month, but I do have a day job that requires my attention at times.  I learned my lesson about making promises like that because I got two tons of email asking me if I fell in, was abducted, got sick, ran off, quit blogging, and a few other amusing questions about why I hadn’t followed up when I said I was going to.

For those of you who are new readers and there are lots of you, so thank you for that, I would suggest that before you read this Post, you go back and read the Post of December 14th which you can find on Medium.com, Tumblr.com, or AlexisMcCall.com.  I’ll wait right here until you read that Post first.

OK.  Welcome back!  I was explaining to Mary that I was going to start shaping my messages about the benefits of the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle to women instead of men.

There are several reasons for that.  For one thing, now that I am blogging in the mainstream I am getting a lot more email from women.  For another thing, men seem to struggle to understand the concept of Intimacy, but women understand it perfectly.

Men know that they have a fantasy to share their wife with other men but they typically lack the Communication skill as well as the Intimacy to explain it to his wife in a way in which makes sense to her.

Here’s another thing.  For some idiotic reason, men think they can “communicate” with their wives during pillow talk, except that all of the things she promises she will do while she is being sexually stimulated in bed at night, never come to fruition in the light of day because these same men lack the Communication skills and/or the Intimacy, (or the Balls) because they are too Chickenshit to follow up.

But guess what?  It works very well in reverse because a woman is perfectly willing to remind her man what he promised her, the following morning when she had his thing in her hand or her mouth the previous night.

So why wouldn’t I craft my message for my female readers?  It makes a lot more sense to most of them.

I mentioned in my previous Post that I have heard from men from 55 countries of the world, which is why I believe that this desire that most men have, to share their wives with other men, is a universal guy thing.

Don’t bother sending me an email asking me why men have this desire.  I have no clue!  The only thing I care about is that my own man had that desire to share me with other men, and we figured out how to make it a reality even though we made just about every conceivable mistake along the way.  That is why I do what I do, so you won’t have to make the same mistakes we did.  More about that later.

Furthermore, along the way it Supercharged our previously shitty marriage both in and out of the bedroom.  It took our Communication with each other to a much higher level, and it made us much closer to each other.  Oh, and by the way, it also gave me a personal sex life of my own outside my marriage, in addition to my marital sex life with Michael.

I tell men all the time who ask me how to get their wife on board the train, that there is no woman out there who truly understands all of the benefits to her marriage by opening up her end of it, to fulfill her husband’s desire to share her, who wouldn’t want this Alternative Marriage Lifestyle.

So, that is why I decided to take my message directly to the decision maker.  Mary, without your consent to fulfill your husband’s fantasy to share you with other men, he doesn’t have a Hotwife and he doesn’t get his fantasy fulfilled.

Without your wiliness to date other men and spread your legs for them which is really the basis of his fantasy, he doesn’t have a Hotwife.  Knowing that you are sharing your body with other men is the reason for his fantasy, and his desire to share you.  That’s what he gets out of this Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle.

So now my focus is explaining to you what you get out of this as if expanding your sex life to include other men who desire you, isn’t reward enough.

~

That little tilde thing means I am going to digress.  I have been very honest from the very beginning with all of my readers.  I thought it was important to tell the whole truth about our Journey, warts and all.  If I don’t tell the truth all of the time that means that not only am I being dishonest with all of you, I am also being dishonest with myself and I have no credibility.

I get email every week from people who have read our story and ask me why I preach one thing when Michael and I didn’t follow the same path.

The short answer is because the path we took doesn’t work for most people.  So that begs the question how do I know what I know?  Michael and I had zero Intimacy.  I agreed to do this because I had my own personal agenda.

That is not what I preach, but it was what I practiced.  When we began our journey neither Michael nor I had any concept about Intimacy.  We didn’t even know what Intimacy meant in a marriage until we were looking back at the road we already traveled and wondered how we got where we were.

~

So Mary, I know what I know because the very first time I ever said in a blog Post that having Intimacy in your marriage would make you say yes, I got my first major email bomb from women who were already Hotwives and curious about this new blonde blogger talking about the Lifestyle as a reality instead of a fantasy, without all the porn, who was posing as a Lifestyle Coach who wanted to help other people as her way as paying it forward because this Alternative Marriage Lifestyle not only saved her marriage but Supercharged it.

I suddenly got a lot of support and offers to help me from women with a lot more experience than I had.  “You go girl!”  They told me. “Be our voice.”  All I had to do was promise to tell the truth and that’s how Dr. Lexi’s Coconut Telegraph got started.  These women give me my voice and I became their voice.  They are how I know what I know, in addition to the thousands of emails I have received over the last three-plus years.  So now I am going to tell you what I know.

When your man starts hinting around that he wants you to do something sexual outside your own yard, my advice is to express curiosity instead of bashing him in the head with a handy implement.

Here is how this works.  Intimacy begins to grow within your relationship the very second that you give him a positive response instead of a negative response.  Why is that?  Because if he does not receive a negative response it will encourage him to keep communicating with you.

The more communicating he does and the more non-negative responses he gets from you will continue to encourage him to keep communicating with you.  This builds Intimacy.

I listened to my husband tell me all kinds of things he wanted me to do that I had no intention of ever doing.  The thing is, I became curious and wanted to know how he thought.  Intimacy is a really sneaky thing sometimes because all of a sudden you realize you feel differently in a good way.

The more you talk about sex, the more open your attitude will become about it.  Surprisingly it doesn’t even really matter whether you agree or not.  It’s not agreement that builds Intimacy, it's Open and Honest Communication that matters.

This would also probably work with office politics, but I don’t know for sure about that because my day job is not in an office.  One of my favorite things to tell Michael when he suggested he would like to see me being spit roasted by a pair of huge black cocks is “I’m not doing that!”  The point here is that instead of being outraged, we laughed about the outrageous things he wanted me to do and we gained more Intimacy.

Then what happened is that the more we talked, the more focused on me he became.  My husband is a walking, talking, sports analogy.  That’s how he communicates with me.  He probably still doesn’t really understand the concept of Intimacy, but at least he no longer wants to drop back ten and punt.

Interestingly, as soon as he noticed an interest on my part, he became focused on me like a laser beam.  This was the very same man that had been ignoring my existence for several years while he was focused on building his business and his precious golf game.

Now that I expressed a curiosity about his new interest in sharing me instead of wanting to rip his face off, he began texting me and calling me several times a day with ideas about how to sex me up.  He fantasized about me not wearing panties.  He offered me incentives to go pantiless, and oh by the way, I had to prove it by taking a selfie which is not that easy to do inside a Publix Supermarket to get both the proof and the cart in the same shot.  Just so you know however, it can be done.

He wanted me to shave my cookie because that’s how he fantasized about me.  Instead of wanting to bash his head in, I welcomed the attention and we began Communicating in a way we never had before.

We began doing research on this Lifestyle together after supper in his home office.  All we knew was the porn and fantasy we could find on Tumblr or those lame ass Forums.  We found a few nuggets of gold in all that river sand that gave us at least an idea about how to go about getting started.  We were completely focused on each other and this new “thing” in our life.

Women who write to me who have walked in my shoes tell me they can totally relate.  Their husbands became a completely different man in a very positive way in their focus on her.

Lastly, because your husband will be totally focused on you because you are fulfilling his fantasy to share you with other men, is going to Supercharge your marital sex life because of your husband’s renewed sexual interest in you.

I hope this comment does not disappoint you, but I’m not exactly sure why that is, but what I can tell you for sure, is that it will happen.  It could be for a lot of reasons that I could share with you but have decided not to.  What you need to understand is that all of them are positive!

~

Hotwife Epiphany 2.0

December 14, 2017

Right up front, I want to explain that this particular blog post is directed specifically at my women readers, but a smart man will also see the value in reading it for its content.

Dr. Lexi* has had another Epiphany about the Hotwife Lifestyle and how to present it differently!  I might have seen this a while ago if I wasn’t blonde, because my husband has been telling me that ever since I have focused my message on blogging more in the mainstream media, the  . . . tenor . . . of my email is changing.

So what does that mean?  It means that for the first few years I was writing about the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle and how it can Supercharge a Marriage, I was receiving email from guys who found me on Tumblr who were either trying to “Communicate” with their wife through pillow talk, or had simply blurted out his fantasy to share his wife with other men because he had that desire in his brain but hadn’t thought it through realistically because he was getting his information from dubious sources (porn sites, and forums).

My first Epiphany was when my own husband blurted out his drunk proclamation at a beach party that the thought of sharing me with other men was a serious turn on.  I have already explained that story ad nausea.  If you want to read about it you can find it.

A shit ton of water has flowed under the bridge since that night several years ago and it has led me to this point of becoming a champion of the Alternative Marriage Lifestyle as a way to make your marriage better, stronger, more Intimate, and increase Open and Honest Communication and, oh by the way, give you a personal sex life outside your marriage.

So I was saying that the first few thousand emails I received were either from men who had dug themselves a hole so deep that I had to hand them down a ladder to climb out so they could begin to repair the damage to their relationship, or they wanted my advice on how to present the Lifestyle the right way.

This is how Dr. Lexi* became a Lifestyle Coach and para Marriage Counselor because by the time I began blogging I realized that unless you have Intimacy in your marriage, this Lifestyle will NOT work for you over time.

I get email every week from people who read our story on my website who see the inconsistency about how Michael and I got from Point A to Point B and understand that my message about how they should get from A to B is 180 degrees in the other direction than the way we did it.

So that begs the question, how do I know what I know?  Well, unless your marriage sucked as bad as mine did, when your husband makes his drunk proclamation, you might not be as curious, or as anxious as I was, about how to make his desire to share me with other men, my reality.  I was seriously motivated and not in a positive way that would benefit my marriage!

The thing is, Intimacy did happen very quickly even though we wanted the same result but for different reasons.  We got on the same page pretty quick, but I would never advise anyone to do it the way we did it.  I tell anyone who is willing to listen to me that Michael and I made just about every mistake possible because there was no one we could find back then doing what I do now.  I’m paying it forward, so couples don’t have to make the same mistakes we made, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t tell our story.

I was already working on a plan of my own to make it a reality, so I was very curious about this fantasy of his.  Because I was already planning to get my own needs met outside my marriage, I was very willing to listen to him.

Michael and I had zero Intimacy in our marriage when he told me what he wanted.  We began “Communicating.”  We had no idea we were beginning to build Intimacy.  We would figure that out later when we were looking back to figure out why it worked.

I asked a lot of questions about how it would work.  He had no clue. All he had is what turns out to be a very normal male desire to share his wife with other men.

So let’s talk about that Mary!  How do I know that this is a universal “guy thing”?  How do I know that your husband’s desire to have you date other men, because the thought of you doing that is a huge turn on for him, is normal, and this fantasy/desire to share you with other men isn’t based on some demographic that might be way out there in society?

That’s a great question.  I know that this desire for a man to want to share his wife sexually with other men is a universal “guy thing”, because of the email I get from men who thank me for bringing this conversation out into the sunshine because they thought they were seriously twisted, or perverted, because the only other information out there is on porn sites.  They had no one they could ask until they found me.

So here is the reality Mary.  I have received email asking for my help from men and women from 55 countries of the world, from all cultures, all religions, all races, all socio-economic classes, and all politics.  It’s a very normal desire that a man has, to want to share his wife.  No!  I have no idea why.  I’m a data collector and all I can tell you that it is real!

This is probably going to surprise you Mary, but it is my belief that the only reason this Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle is not even more mainstream than it already is, is because it’s like Masturbation.  Everybody does it but most people don’t talk about it.

Mary, I told you that the ‘tenor’ of my email is changing.  That has happened for three reasons that I can look to and say “yes, that’s a factor.”  The first one was when I began blogging in the mainstream media when I moved beyond the porn sewer of Tumblr.

That opened up my exposure to more men and women who looked at the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle as more about the desire and viability to share his wife, and less about the fantasy aspect, and why it could never happen.

The second thing is that as soon as I began Posting in the mainstream media, the email I started getting from women skyrocketed.  That got my attention!

The third thing that happened was when the ladies from Dr. Lexi’s* Coconut Telegraph, which is a loose association of women in the Lifestyle, many with a lot more experience than me, who happen to agree with me, and to whom I am giving a voice, who also share advice with me, started suggesting that it might be time for me to re-shape the message a little.  Wow!  That was a mouthful!

So what does that mean?  It means that I have always considered my message to be Hotwife101.  Men that write to me typically do not understand the value of Intimacy in a marriage.  They do not understand its role until they need it and don’t have it!

Women who write to me already understand Intimacy, and they already know if they have it or not.  Let me take this discussion right to the bottom line.  A man writes to me because he wants to know how to get his wife to become his Hotwife.

A woman writes to me and wants to know “What’s this all about?”  “Is my husband a sick fuck?”  “Is he trying to trap me?” and the big one, “What’s going to happen to my marriage if I do this?”

So now you understand why I’m planning to change my message somewhat.  Women never write to me and say, “We have no Intimacy. How do I fix that?”  I couldn’t help you with that anyway.  As a matter of fact, the only time a man ever cares about Intimacy is when I tell him it’s the only way he is going to get you to do what he wants.

I am going to start shaping my message towards women because Michael has convinced me through the years I have been doing this, that if I get 25 emails from women asking me the same things there are another hundred women out there with the same questions that don’t write to me.

I have always believed that it’s the women who are the key to making this work and not just because you are going to be the ones spreading your legs for men outside your marriage, although that one is huge for negotiating a good deal because all you have to do to get your way is to say, “I’m not doing that!”

In the next few days, I am going to Post all of the reasons why fundamentally changing your marriage and the way you and your husband relate to each other by opening up your end of the marriage to fulfill his desire to share you with other men is going to make your marriage stronger, not weaker.  I’m going to explain to you why your husband will become focused on you like a laser beam.  I will explain to you why Intimacy and Open and Honest Communication will go through the roof and why your marital sex life will become Supercharged.

Is there a method to my madness of changing the focus of my message from men to women?  Will it also benefit men?  You bet your ass!

By the way, although I believe my husband Michael to be a very enlightened man about how people think about this Alternative Marriage Lifestyle, and although he has given me a lot of helpful advice, he is not the smartest man I know.  Not only that, not all his advice to me has been golden either, like telling me that unless I post some R-rated photos on my Tumblr blog and website, nobody would care what I think and that if I wrote more than 400 words at one time, no one would read it. Hah!

Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor*

~

Hotwife Accessories

November 5, 2017

It took me awhile to come up with a creative title for this post because the real subject matter is way outside my normal scope of providing useful, helpful information to those couples considering the Hotwife Lifestyle as a tool for not only Supercharging their marriage, but as a way of spicing it up both inside and outside their marriage by opening up the wife’s end of the marriage to date outside the marriage to fulfill her husband’s desire to share her with other men in the sexual sense.  I hope that was clear.  It seems kind of wordy.

That happens sometimes when I drink wine.  That might be a major hint as to where this is going.  It will also explain why I never write something and Post it the same day.

Anyway, sometimes I just have to air it out and laugh at some of the email I receive which I’m pretty sure is usually well meant, but . . . .

So the normal Hotwife accessory I get asked about most, are ankle bracelets.  There seems to be an ankle bracelet protocol.  The Hotwife photo caption writers in the world of porn and fantasy have their opinion, the Hotwife Forums are a joke because they have thousands of differing opinions, and I have my own opinion that there is no protocol and it doesn’t matter which ankle you wear it on, because I happen to know that your wedding ring is the bigger attraction to men, and it doesn’t matter which ankle you choose to express the message that your marriage is open on your end.

Unfortunately I seem to be the only one who ever talks about a woman’s wedding ring as a valuable Hotwife accessory.  Even my friend Jill understands that because even though she is divorced she still wears her rings as an advertisement to young men looking for a redheaded cougar.  These men prefer married women because there is no drama that comes from dating a married woman, at least not usually.  I added that last part as an afterthought so I wouldn’t get a ton of mail from men calling me out on that comment.

“Bull-shit”  is the comment I get most often from men whenever I mention that young guys prefer married women as playmates because there is no drama, meaning, well never mind.  I made my point.

 Back to ankle bracelets for a minute.  While I’m on that subject, there are just as many opinions as to specifically what that message is when you see a woman wearing an ankle bracelet.  Your safest course of action is to take the conservative approach and assume nothing.

If you want my opinion, your best option is to assume the message is that her husband is giving you his permission to talk to her and say nothing about the anklet itself and focus on your mission instead of her reason for wearing it.  Why?  Because she might not actually be a Hotwife.

Since some of you want to know, I wear mine on my right ankle but I am telling you honestly, it doesn’t matter.  Wearing your wedding ring when you are out being Cougar bait or a MILF out socializing, is a bigger attraction than your ankle bracelet.

OK.  So that’s two Hotwife accessories but not the one that this Post is about.  This Post is about something that I mentioned in another Post I made quite awhile ago in passing, about something my husband sent me as a gift.  The subject has come up again.

He meant it as a joke, but not really.  He was hoping I would use this particular accessory when I first began dating BBC.  I am trying to explain this to you tastefully but it’s probably not going to work out that way.

Michael wanted me to start dating BBC, and although I have never been opposed to that on any level, he did nothing to help his cause by trying to tempt me, by sending me caption photos of BBC engaging in anal sex, with blondes.

Personally I’m not into that.  I don’t find it either stimulating or pleasant.  Michael knows this.  We can talk about this kind of thing because we have Intimacy in our marriage and during one of these conversations when he was “encouraging” me in the direction of BBC I casually mentioned that I was afraid if I did that, his thing would end up in the wrong place.

A few days later my husband sent me a crystal anal dilator.  For those of you not familiar with the term, the common name for this implement is a butt plug.  In this case, the implement is meant to be a Hotwife accessory, because it has a snap on the base that can be used for attaching options of a decorative or strategic nature.  Mine came with a glow in the dark button on the snap.  I’ll explain that shortly.

So I called my husband and asked him WTF?  He explained that the anal dilator should alleviate my fear of dating BBC by wearing it out on a date so there would be no confusion about entering the right place at the right time.  He also thought it would be helpful for having sex in the dark because my butt would glow once the lights were out.

I told him that was a stupid idea because the only place I ever have sex in the dark is with him and he never has a problem finding me in the dark.  I also pointed out that it would be pretty embarrassing wearing that thing in a crowded bar and suddenly having a power outage because my butt would glow through my dress.

He told me the button was on a snap and I could remove it, which up until that second I didn’t know.  That revelation took us took our conversation in a totally different direction.  It turns out there are all kinds of things you can snap onto the end of the dilator.  Some are useful and some are just plain silly.  I’ll leave it to you to decide which is which.

There is an assortment of snap-on tails. The idea is to wear a very short dress with one of the tails attached to the butt plug so that the tail will stick out the back of your dress to give the look you want to portray.  I thought the foxtail was interesting, but I could also be a cat, or a raccoon, a squirrel, or a dog.

Admittedly the dog tail could send mixed messages.  Suppose you were going for the bitch in heat look, and it was misunderstood.  There are all kinds of snap-on tools that can turn my anal dilator into a toy to amuse myself by turning it into a motorized vibrator, for example.

Personally I’m not into motorized toys of a sexual nature but lots of women are.  One option I thought was interesting and could be used by couples playing The Chili’s Game which is explained on my website, was the miniature remote controlled battery operated snap-on vibrator option with an advertised range of up to twenty feet.

My thinking is that she could give the remote to her husband who is sitting across the bar watching men try and talk her into doing something naughty.  If her husband thought she needed a little incentive to become friendlier, he could zap her butt plug from across the bar.

I’m not actually suggesting this apparatus to anyone without doing some further research first.  For instance, I have no idea whether or not it buzzes or how loud it is which could be both problematic and embarrassing.  What if the guy she is talking to hears it buzz and asks her what it was.

I’m pretty sure she couldn’t say it was her pager because I haven’t seen anyone with a pager in years.  Anyway that could be fun so long as there are no embarrassing technical issues.

So anyway, right after Halloween each year since my original post about my anal dilator, I always get a slew of email from every place in the world that celebrates Halloween because they saw something that reminded them of that Post.  I thought I would share some of those observations with you.  Please keep in mind these stories mostly came from the more outrageous side of the street like swingers, swappers, and orgy enthusiasts, attending private parties, or at private clubs, or house parties full of consenting adults.

One of the most amusing stories which I thought was pretty far out there was a woman who was in a hot tub with several men being passed around from man to man.  Her butt plug had flashing LED lights that changed colors every so often.  I assume it was waterproof.  I hope so anyway.

I wondered if she was wearing that simply as an unusual decoration or if she was like me and wanted to manage her points of entry.

I received several photos of women wearing foxtails.  I’m not positive they were all attached to an anal dilator, but I am positive a few of them were.  I received a photo of a tail that appeared to be the body of a snake.  I have no idea what her message was and I’m not sure I want to know.  Thankfully I didn’t receive any evidence of women wearing a dog tail!

~

Hotwife Orgasm Donor

October 28, 2017

I was shopping for an inappropriate outfit to wear to a Halloween party I am planning to attend.  I was hoping to find something sexy to portray my status as cougar bait.  I find it interesting that as women, we have no problem wearing an outfit in public that allows us to show our real side as a slut, but only wear it one time a year.  I wonder if that is because it’s in our genes, or because it’s in our jeans?

Anyway, I was shopping in a store that sells club wear along with inappropriate women’s wear that we can wear 365, just not in public.  I didn’t want to buy an outfit that would label me a specific something.  I didn’t want men saying “You’re a sexy cop.  Arrest me!” or “You’re a sexy nurse.  Can I show you where it hurts?”

On the other hand, I seriously thought about buying a sexy school girl outfit I saw that came with everything including all of the accessories.  It had the pleated plaid skirt, the white blouse, the thigh high stockings, the black Mary Jane shoes, the hair bows, and an oversized lollipop.

But I didn’t want men to say “You’re a naughty school girl, can I spank you?”  The look I was going for was to have men say, “You’re a married slut.  Can I call you?”

So I was wandering around the store when I saw something I really, really loved.  The problem with me is that I am a practical shopper.  I would never buy something just to have it, that I could never wear.

It was an opaque colored see-through tank top and was being modeled by a busty anatomically correct in every detail, mannequin.  It looked so real that I wanted to reach out and touch her, but I didn’t because I was being shadowed by an overly efficient clerk whose real job was to make sure I didn’t take any photos in the store.

The tank top the busty mannequin with the perfectly shaped nipples was modeling, had a red square in the center of the chest.  In the top half of the red square was a white cross.  In the bottom half of the red square it said Orgasm Donor.  I spent so much time admiring it that the clerk approached me.

“Do you like it?”

“I love it!  Where would a woman ever wear this except at home?”  I asked.

“To a private club.”  She said.

She meant it could be worn to a Swingers Club event.  She was right about that.  After I agreed to be Michael’s Hotwife but before I was ever consummated by someone, he thought he wanted to watch me have sex and I could get some practical experience.

That seemed simple enough.  If you want to watch your wife having sex, take her to a Swinger’s party.  The clerk was right.  That tank top was appropriate for those parties because every night is Halloween at those parties.

It took us three tries before I actually got consumated and what we learned from that experience is that my husband didn’t want to watch me having sex with another man after all.  He wanted me to do it and then talk about what it was like afterward.

The more I thought about the orgasm donor tank top the more I realized that is exactly what a Hotwife is.  She donates orgasms to share with men outside her marriage.  It pleases my husband when I go into an upscale hotel lobby bar and end up in the man’s room donating orgasms.

Meeting men in a more upscale bar is a process that takes a while if it’s during the day or early evening.  Obviously the later it is, the shorter the process is, but if I go into the bar at 8:30 and if I let a guy chat me up, we both know what he wants, and even if he is pretty sure, I want the same thing, he’s not sure enough to suggest it for quite a while.

He going to want to ask me lots of questions, like can I buy you a drink?  Are you waiting for your husband?  The questions go on and on even if I send him all positive signals.

Most men think the more I drink the better the chances are for getting me up to his room.  Now I have a plan for speeding up the process when I want him to be Mr. Tonight and be my orgasm donor recipient.

Although I haven’t actually tried it yet it seems like a foolproof plan.  It’s definitely a win-win.  I can speed up the process. I won’t have to drink so much, it will save him money, and give us more time.

This is how it works.  The approach is the same and I let him join me and buy me a drink.  He starts asking me questions. No, my husband is not joining me.  I think he’s in Dallas but I’m not sure.  I’m not waiting for anyone.  I’m here because I wanted to get out of the house.

Then he will ask me if I work.  This is where I implement my new plan.

“Yes, I work.”

“What do you do Alexis?

“I’m a volunteer.”  I will say.

Oh really?  That’s interesting.  What do you volunteer for?”

“I’m an orgasm donor.”  I will tell him.  I’m pretty sure he will invite me to his room for a donation and we will have saved quite a bit of time.

Like I said, I haven’t actually tried it yet but even if it works that is only a short-term solution.  The long-term solution is to bring this Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle out into Mainstream society so that women like me could wear the orgasm donor tank top in public.

Well, maybe not that exact tank top.  I don’t mind showing most of my assets in public, but that particular tank top is over the edge.

I am doing my part to make this Hotwife Lifestyle more mainstream.  I could use some help however.  Here are a few factoids to consider.  Since I have been writing about this Lifestyle, I have heard from men with the fantasy of sharing their wives with other men, from 55 different countries of the world.

This desire for his wife to have sex with other men is not geographical, is not cultural, is not racial, and it crosses all religions.  It’s universal for men.  It’s in their genes and their jeans too.  So how can you help?

This part of my message is for my women reader’s, because I’m wasting my words telling men they are wasting their time trying to “Communicate” with you during naked pillow talk.  I tell them that you are never going to take the hint and volunteer to be an orgasm donor the next day over breakfast.

So here is what I would like you to do.  I would like you to call him out.  It doesn’t matter whether you are ready for this or not, but there is some reason you are reading my stuff even if you are just curious about this Lifestyle. This will get the conversation out in the sunshine.

So what should you do?  I tell men that write to me and wonder if you have amnesia because you never follow through on your pillow talk agreements, that it is not about amnesia, and if they want to have a conversation with you it needs to be outside the bedroom.

Like I said, I would like you call him out over breakfast or at some other appropriate moment the following day.  It doesn’t matter exactly what he said he wanted you to do.  This can be a universal reply to any sexual fantasy he wants you to fulfill and it's super simple.

“Last night you said you wanted me to be an orgasm donor.  I would like to have a conversation with you about how this is going to work?”  You tell him.  That’s it.  That’s all you have to say.  In the years I have been doing this Lifestyle Coaching I have only ever heard of two different responses from women who have taken my advice about this subject.

He is either going to start talking to you about turning his fantasy into your reality which will build a ton of Intimacy into your marriage, or he is going to say “You didn’t think I really meant that, did you?”

If he says that to you, it means he has little tiny balls and he is full of shit.  The way to handle that response is to smile sadly.

“That disappoints me!”  You should say.  Then drop it.  It puts the ball right back in his court which is where you want it to be.

Lastly, if becoming an orgasm donor is your idea and you are reading my Posts or my website trying to figure out how to make this happen inside your marriage, rather than becoming an independent orgasm donor outside your marriage, I can help you.

Find that tank top or one like it online, and wear it to bed as a sleep shirt.  Say nothing about it.  I promise you it’s going to start a conversation!

~

Hurricane Hotwife

September 12, 2017

Dr. Lexi has been totally overwhelmed by the outpouring of support and good wishes from my friend’s and followers, from both Tumblr and  Medium, as well as from my website readers, asking if I am OK because I live in downtown Tampa, Florida, in a high rise.

I can’t possibly answer all the email I have received individually from people checking on me.  Not in a timely manner anyway.  Sending out a mass generic email is something I will never do.

So here is my update.  I’m fine.  All is well.  Hurricane Irma made a direct hit on Tampa as either a weak Category 2 or a strong Category 1 Hurricane.  I’m not sure which it was.  It doesn’t matter.  According to the radio reports after the power went out at 9:15 PM, we were getting wind gusts of 93 MPH.

Yes I was scared, but not terrified.  I have been through many tropical storms and hurricanes being a native Floridian, but never a storm of this size as an urban resident in a high rise.

Jill was with me because she lives in a ground floor apartment in an area of Tampa that is somewhat iffy for storm surge flooding.  We spent the night in the community center twenty floors down partying with the other permanent residents who did not evacuate.

There is significant damage to downtown Tampa and widespread power outage.  The power was out where I live for about 20 hours.  Much of the area may not get power back for a week or longer.

The biggest fear was storm surge flooding which did not happen so far as I know.  I think that is because . . . well never mind what I think.  I’m a blonde!  I’m not a meteorite or whatever you call those people that report the weather.

Compared to the devastation in the Florida Keys, and the flooding of other major metropolitan areas in Florida, Tampa was spared the worst of it.

So that’s my report.  Now we wait to see what happens to Hurricane Jose which is the next major storm headed our way.  Thank you for caring about me.  Seriously!

Alexis/Dr. Lexi

~

Lexi the Cougar

September 1, 2017

I met a kindred spirit in the parking lot at Publix Supermarket in Tampa yesterday because I was looking at her pickup truck.  It had some rather suggestive sexual innuendo bumper stickers on the back window of the cab.

The thing that I noticed first was a very large graphic centered on the window that showed a woman in shadow with long hair.  She appeared to be naked.  She was on her hands and knees.  There was an arm and hand behind her pulling her head back by her hair.  The caption below was allegedly aimed at a particular traffic situation.  It said: “If you are going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair!”  I thought that was amusing.

I was walking towards the store through the parking lot when I stopped to read all the stuff on her back window and that’s what I was doing when she unlocked her truck with her key fob from about fifty feet away.  Yes it frightened me!

She probably thought I was trying to decide whether or not to break into her truck and steal something.  She couldn’t see my stiletto heel shoes from where she was.  That made me smile.  She probably thought I had a crowbar in my purse.

There were some amusing stickers, like one that said, “Don’t argue with your wife, dick-er!”  The one that got my attention though said, “Have a fantasy?  Find a Cougar!”

The woman pushing the cart over with her groceries was definitely a Cougar.  She was about my age and she was expressing her availability to men by wearing rings on every finger of both hands except the ring finger of her left hand.  She noticed how I was expressing my availability to men by the bracelet on my right ankle.

Women who recognize a kindred spirit typically don’t need to have a discussion about their common interests and ours was a brief one because we both knew.  The fact that it was 93 degrees with 87% humidity was a much larger factor at that moment.  She had a cart full of groceries and frozen food and fresh veggies.

Our conversation lasted less than a minute but was extremely interesting to me as a Data Collector and Lifestyle Coach.

So this is how it works when two women recognize a kindred spirit in each other.  We fast forward through all of the social niceties and get to the heart of the matter when it is 93 degrees with 87% humidity and melting frozen food.

“Love your truck!  I’m a country girl!”  I told her.

“Thanks!  Me too!  My ex hates it.  I’m sticking my new attitude up his ass!”

“I see that.  Love your Cougar sticker!”  I said.

“Oh my god!  I haven’t had sex with my shoes off since I left my husband!”  She said.  I smiled knowingly.  She grinned at me.

“You can relate?”  She asked.”

“Oh yes!  I can relate.”  I told her.

“Still married?”  She asked.

“Yes.”  I said.  She looked at my ankle bracelet again and then nodded.

“You need to get your groceries home.”  I told her.  We exchanged names and I gave her my website address.  I hope to hear from her.  I’m pretty sure I will.

That got me thinking about my sex life.  At least the part of me that is a Cougar, because I happen to be attracted to, and am sometimes quite vulnerable to, and easily seduced by, young, brash, type A, gym rats, that come after me, who become focused on me like a laser beam, and try and make me feel like I am the center of their world for that brief time when they see something they want.

Those young men don’t seem to be bothered by the fact that they may get shot out of the sky and destroyed by a heat seeking missile.  It’s part of a game that they play with older women.  I happen to love the game.

I’m game, I guess.  Maybe I just like being considered fair game because I am married, and out by myself.  I love the attention, and I’m doing what my husband wants me to do.

I don’t know why that attitude by very young men, who mistakenly think I am wearing panties and want to get into them, excites me, but it does.  I love that feeling of being turned on sexually by getting attention from young men because I know what they want. They are not always successful because not all of them have the right formula.

If one of those very young type A gym rats who wants to get into my panties, does not know how to combine expressing his desire to have sex with me, while basically remaining a gentleman, before he gets me in bed, or wherever he gets me, it’s not going to happen.

I’m 45 years old now.  My birthdays seem to keep getting closer and closer to each other every year.  I had this conversation with my husband on my birthday a few days ago.  The first time I became aware that a very young man wanted to have sex with me was when my 23-year-old daughter was in 10th grade.  It was her boyfriend.  You can do the math.

He made it clear to me that his real interest was not in my daughter.  He wanted to come over to see me during the day to talk to me about cleaning our pool, when she was in school.  I wasn’t sure what to do with that information because at the time I was pretty much estranged from both Michael and my daughter.  So I kept that information to myself.

Was I flattered to know that a seventeen-year-old young man wanted to have sex with me?  You bet your ass I was flattered!  At least there was one man that wanted to have sex with me, because my husband sure as hell didn’t back then.

So why am I sharing this story with you?  Because as I have gotten older, young men are still sexually attracted to me.  THAT was the conversation I was having with my husband on my birthday.

I was telling him that I felt a lot older turning 45 then I did turning 44.  Michael knows how to take a bullshit argument off the table now that we have Intimacy.  I think I was trying to express my feeling of mortality or something.

“Alexis, is your fan club getting any older?”  He asked.

“Fuck you Michael!”  I told my husband lovingly because I never lie to him so long as he asks me the right question.

That brings us back to the subject of wearing shoes during sex.  This is an absolute statement OK?  There can be no debate about it.  Cougar sex is “Shoes on” sex!

So far as I know there is only one exception to this rule, and that is Cougar Boat Sex when the Cougar is not wearing shoes.

All hotel/motel Cougar Sex is shoes on.  All Cougar Car Sex is shoes on.  All after midnight County Park Picnic Table Cougar Sex, is shoes on!  All after night club sex is shoes on. I’m OK with that!  Bring it!  If I tear up your sheets or your legs because you didn’t want me to take my shoes off?  Not my problem!  I don’t want to turn this into a political statement, but my husband approves this message!

~

Hotwife Pillow Talk

August 18, 2017

The subject I used to get the most questions about, back in the day, which seems like half a Lifetime ago now, used to be about Hotwife Jewelry.  The more often I addressed that subject the more email I got.

It took me longer than it should have to figure out the more times I answered questions about that largely symbolic custom, the more “what if” minutia questions men could think up to ask me.

Now I am going through the same thing with Pillow Talk and I have decided to change my strategy and give you the long version now rather than piecemeal(ing) it out a little at a time.  So here we go:

Women know how to play the game very well.  We have been using Pillow Talk to get men to give us what we want ever since Eve discovered apples.  Why?  Because we are sitting on the pot of gold, so to speak.  We have leverage.  We don’t have that particular leverage for very long, but that’s OK because we are patient.  

Women know that pillow talk is a two step process.  Whenever he presses an erection up against your naked thigh when the lights are out, if you want something, the time to ask for it is right then, while his thing is still hard. That’s the first step. Women are smart enough to remind him of his agreement the next day, because men suffer from post coital Amnesia.  That’s the second step.

Well, it’s actually three steps if you count putting out his fire as a step after he agrees to give you what you want.

Hmm . . . I wonder if that’s where the term “putting out” comes from?

Anyway, men don’t understand Pillow Talk the same way we do.  For one thing, they see Pillow Talk as a one step process.  It works like this.  They get us in bed, naked, with the lights out, and then they get us sexually aroused.  So far the steps are pretty much the same.

But this is where men do it differently.  He starts talking about his fantasy of sharing you with other men.  In this fantasy he says he wants you to experience a BBC, or more than one, or whatever his particular fantasy is.  Sometimes he might want to watch you being impaled by a giant penis while he makes a video.

All the time he is telling you what he wants, he is stimulating you to keep you sexually aroused.  Right about then, his idea sounds pretty damn good and so you agree.  Then he puts out your fire, or vice versa, and 10 minutes later he is snoring.  That’s it!  That’s all there is to Pillow Talk for a man.

Unlike women, men are not patient.  He is waiting for you to make good on your agreement.  When that doesn’t happen, he repeats the process.  It’s like the instructions on a shampoo bottle. 1. Wash  2. Rinse  3. Repeat!

He believes that if he repeats this Pillow Talk strategy enough times, pretty soon you are going to take the initiative and take whatever action he told you he wanted.  When that doesn’t happen he writes to Dr. Lexi* and says this to me:

“Dr. Lexi*, I need your help.  I’m trying to get my wife to become a Hotwife.  I tell her what I want all the time during Pillow Talk but nothing ever happens.  She says it sounds good, but she never takes the hint.  Do you think she suffers from Amnesia?  What should I do next?”

I write back and explain to your husband that you are not suffering from Amnesia, your memory is fine, but it’s not going to happen because even if you want to do it, and you probably do, you are never going to “take the Pillow Talk hint” and volunteer.  Then I tell him that he should work on building Intimacy instead.

So what’s really going on here?  What is the reason men can’t seem to figure out that getting what they want from pillow talk is a two step process?  Hah!  On a few occasions when I have written back and asked your husband what you told him when he reminded you in the morning of what you agreed to do last night, it turns out he didn’t ask.

So the question is why don’t men ask follow-up questions about Pillow Talk Conversations in the sunshine, with their clothes on?  Why are Pillow Talk conversation follow-up discussions only held during more Pillow Talk?

Is it because their balls aren’t big enough?  Yes, it is.  So why is it that their balls are not big enough?  This is usually where these men that write to me about this subject, start blaming you.  They tell me about your conservative/religious upbringing.  They tell me how shy you are.  They tell me that you in spite of how hot you are, you have body image issues.  I hear it all!

The real reason their balls are not big enough to turn Pillow Talk into a two step process like we do, is fear of rejection.  It is fear of getting a negative reaction.  Asking you in the sunshine with your clothes on to fulfill his desire to share you with other men and to let him take video while you are getting your brains fucked out by a BBC like you agreed to last night?

Not happening!  Is it because it doesn’t sound like such a good idea to him in the sunshine?  No.  That’s not it.  He still wants you to do it!  The problem is he can’t make the words come out of his mouth in the sunshine.

Men know what the problem is.  They usually just don’t know what it’s called.  It’s called a lack of Intimacy.  I could jump back up on my Soapbox right now and tell you all about that but I have covered that subject ad nausea.

Any serious minded man that wants to know how to build Intimacy with his wife can find out how to do that by going to my website or reading my blog Posts.

Today I have a free gift for you if your balls aren’t big enough to turn your Pillow Talk conversations into a two step process.  My free gift is some advice about how to get headed in the Hotwife direction through your precious Pillow Talk maneuver that you are so comfortable using step one, but you don’t have the patience required to do it the right way by building Intimacy first.

When I explain how simple this is, you should be embarrassed that you didn’t think of it yourself and needed a girl to explain it to you.  Here is how to turn Pillow Talk into a two step process with little tiny balls.

Downsize your Pillow Talk fantasy.  Make it reasonable.  Make it doable. Instead of telling her you would like to watch her having sex with a donkey, tell her it would seriously turn you on to have her sit at a bar (for example) where men think she is by herself, watching them flirt with her.  That’s it.

If you do this while you are pressing your erection into her thigh while you are alternately licking, kissing, and caressing, her nipples, she will agree to do it, just like she agreed to the BBC thing.

So what’s different about this Pillow Talk?  This time you don’t need balls the size of Texas to take the second step and remind her what she agreed to do during Pillow Talk.  You can simply ask her to help you plan it out.

If you are a smart man, and you want to Implement Dr. Lexi’s* Pillow Talk Downsizing Action Plan, you will go to my website and read the page called The Chili’s Game, before implementing the Action Plan.  While you are there, I would also encourage you to read How to have the Conversation, in case you have some interest in building Intimacy with your wife so the BBC thing is easier to talk about when the time comes.

You’re welcome!

Disclaimer:  Dr. Lexi* is specifically NOT recommending that you keep your original Pillow Talk fantasy and simply grow your balls big enough.  Why is that?  Because when that backfires on you and your are sleeping on the sofa or out in the yard with the dog, and you write to me for help, keep in mind it’s a lot easier to help you fix things if I don’t have to hand you down a ladder to climb out of the hole you dug for yourself first.

Explanation for those who want more information:   Reconnecting with your wife, Re-establishing Intimacy, building Open and Honest Communication, learning the realities and separating fantasy from reality, so that you can show your wife a completely painted picture about this Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle, is always going to be the best way to go about entering this Lifestyle.

The reality of doing this the right way is that I actually tell men who write to me that trying to use Pillow talk as a form of communication with their wives is a very bad idea when they can’t follow it up the next day in the sunshine.

The reason and the purpose for my Pillow Talk Downsizing Action Plan is to show men who use Pillow Talk hinting without follow-up, as their primary tool, they need to start with Step One, not Step Ten in the Soccer Mom Hotwife reality.

Reading the page on my website called the Chili’s Game shows couples how to enter into this Lifestyle slowly, without dating, or sex, taking small steps to increase their comfort level slowly.

*Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor but I am a real Hotwife.  

~

Soccer Mom Hotwife Boat Sex

August 1,2017

Last weekend was one of my more memorable experiences as a Hotwife.  My two girlfriend witness’s and I do not agree on the reason it happened, but we do agree on the outcum.

My husband, who is out of commission recovering from shoulder surgery in South Carolina was like, “Holy shit Alexis!  Now I’m sorry we sold the boat!” when I explained what happened.

For those of you not familiar with my history, I got my start as a Hotwife because of a boating incident with my husband.  You can read about it on my website if you care.

My side of the story about last weekend is that it was sort of a perfect storm situation where a series of mostly unrelated things, which I had no control over, sort of transpired at one point in time that caused the three us to end up seeking shelter from the storm.

In fairness, Jill’s side of the story is different from mine.  She says I am a Cougar and I was looking for trouble because I am going to turn 45 at the end of the month and I’m feeling my mortality and I was vulnerable, and I am trying to hang onto my youth by flaunting my sexuality in an obvious direction.  She says I needed to be “validated”.  I probably should have asked her what she meant.

She says there was no storm.  There was only a deluge of rain.  She says I was an accident looking for someplace to happen and there were several young men there helping it along, so to speak because they sensed my vulnerability.  Something like that anyway.  So I like gym rats.  Is that a crime?

Brandi’s explanation wasn’t so flowery.  She said she thought my mission was to get laid in spades from the get go!  I’m pretty sure she is still sour grapes because I outed her as Starfollower37 because her husband is now on board with her plan, her son has graduated from high school, is out of the nest on a baseball scholarship in Georgia somewhere, and she has time on her hands for playing outside her own yard, because her husband is working in the UAE right now.  Brandi is in full party mode!

It sucks having friends that are smarter than I am!  Anyway, that’s what I meant about it being a perfect storm.

For those of you not familiar with the Tampa Bay area, the Gulf of Mexico is a boating Mecca on weekends.  There are two islands of note here.  One is Egmont Key and the other one is Passage Key.  Egmont Key is the big one with the lighthouse.

The back side of Egmont Key is where larger yachts anchor off shore for partying and raft ups.  That’s where the three of us were.  Jill knows a lot of men with money and large yachts and who coincidently like to party and they typically ask her if she has any like minded friends, and so that’s how Brandi and I ended with Jill on this 50 something foot Viking yacht anchored off the back side of Egmont Key partying.

The other island is somewhat notorious as a sort of an “anything goes” type of out island.  It’s a Wildlife Refuge so most of the “activity” occurs in shallow water or at the shoreline by people who got there in kayaks, jet skis, or runabouts.  I think a better description of that should be “Wild Life” because that what it really is!

Anyway, almost as soon as we anchored off shore behind Egmont, Greg’s friends began arriving on smaller boats and tying a line to his yacht and coming aboard to party.

I was not even close to being a sober person.  I’m not offering this as an excuse for either my actions or my inactions that day.  I am simply sharing that factoid with you only in passing.  I started my day with a Bloody Mary, then Jill and I took a traveler with us when she drove us over to the marina.  I had another Bloody Mary while we waited for a few more people including Brandi.

Once we got headed out to the island we all switched to Pina Coladas as a much more suitable boat drink.  Anyway, that’s my story.

So one of the smaller runabouts that showed up were friends of Greg from the gym.  They were two very young gym rats who knew they looked good.  I spent about one second too long making eye contact with the driver of the boat.  Brandi saw it.

“Oh Oh!”  She said.  “You’re done!”  She was right.  He made a bee line for me the second they came on board.  He focused on me like a laser beam.  This was 10:30 in the morning and I already didn’t really give a shit about much of anything.

Within the first five minutes I already learned that his name was Doug, he was 25, that he wanted me, and didn’t care that I was old enough to be his mother.  I didn’t care either at that point.  His boat mate took an instant interest in Brandi who was also old enough to be his mother.

Now it is my position, on this point, that if Brandi had not been so insistent that we let these two young men separate us from the group, by showing her Passage Key, I wouldn’t have gone along with it.  It’s Brandi’s position that I am lying through my teeth and that I was her enabler.  We both agree however that she accepted the offer for both of us.

So armed with two more Pina Colada’s the four of us set off to show Brandi what Passage Key was all about since she had never been out to either of the islands before. It was a 10-minute boat ride, to go a mile and a half, maybe less.

I saw a few women wearing tops, but not many.  I knew the unwritten rule that if I wanted to get out of the boat in shallow water I would have to surrender my top as a sort of Rite of Passage Key.  It’s not exactly a nudist beach, but that’s what it really is in practice.

I liked Doug’s style because he was a gentleman about removing my top.  He got out of the boat and then helped me out into waist deep water and put his hand on my back and asked, “May I?”  I said he could and my top came off.

“Oh!”  Brandi said.  She didn’t know.

“Your next baby doll.”  Her guy said.  She turned around and pulled her hair out of the way for him and her top joined mine on the bottom of the boat.  We walked along the shoreline people watching and having other people watch us.  That gets boring pretty quickly then we noticed Brandi and her guy were no longer behind us.  I looked around and saw the top of her head on the far side of the boat we were in.  His name was Dali or Daley.  He is European and he and Brandi were pressed extremely close together.  We both saw what they were doing.  They were not quite out of sight.

Then Doug kissed me and I knew what he wanted to do.  I had to have a very clinical unromantic conversation with him before things got out of hand, and before I didn’t care what happened.

“I can’t do it in the water.  I’ll get a UTI.”  I told him.”  He took it very well, I thought.

“OK.  Can I have a rain check?”  He asked.

“Yes, you can!”  I promised.

Evidently Brandi doesn’t get UTI’s because she was very mellow on the boat ride back to Egmont Key.  Instead of getting back on board the yacht I jumped in the water because my body was on fire. I grabbed the tag line and just floated in the water for a few minutes.

Jill brought me back to the moment when she leaned over the transom and shouted to me.

“Get your drunk ass on the boat before you drown.  There is a Pina Colada waiting for you in the shower.”  She said.  At least that’s what I thought I heard her say.

I thought that was very nice of her to fix me a Pina Colada and leave it for me in the bathroom for after my shower.

There was no drink waiting for me in the bathroom, but there was a very naked man in the shower waiting for me to collect his rain check.  It was only then that I realized she hadn’t said there was a Pina Colada waiting for me in the shower.  She had said, “There is a Penis Colossus waiting for you in the shower.”

“Are you OK having sex in this water?”  He asked me when I joined him.

“This water is fine!”  I said.

A very few minutes later I am pretty sure most people on the boat knew exactly how OK it was for me having sex in shower water!

End of Part One

~

Hotwife Epiphany

July 23, 2107

Men sometimes seem surprised when they write to me and ask for help and after one or two emails they think that one of my two Super Powers is mind reading.  They wonder if I’m looking in their bedroom window because I seem to know a lot more about their relationship than I should.

It’s nothing like that.  I have been doing this for a long time now.  I have heard it all.  Not only have I heard it all, I hear it all pretty much weekly.  I am a data collector.  I’m not smarter than anyone else, but when anyone hears the same thing over and over, you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to see a pattern.

Trust me when I tell you, there are not that many different paths a man can take in order to convince his wife to open up her end of the marriage because of his desire to share her with other men.

My explanation to these men is that no, I’m not spying on you.  The thing is, you are in the forest and you can’t see the way, because all you see are trees.

I’m looking at the bigger picture because I am hovering around over head and I can see the whole forest. Not only can I see the whole forest, I can see every path that leads anywhere fruitful, and I can see the paths that are going to walk you right off the cliff.

So I am working with a publisher on a project related to this Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle.  I like this woman a lot.  She doesn’t know much about the Lifestyle but she does know how to tell a story and ask me really good questions in order to try and help me.

I was explaining to her how I do what I do, and about the mind reading accusation that I hear pretty often from men.  That conversation took us in a totally different direction because she wanted to know if women who write to me ever think that mind reading is one of my two Super Powers.

I didn’t even have to think about it.  Women just seem to understand that I know what I know and I can explain things to them better than their husband’s can.  Not to mention that I can answer all of their questions.  I have been where they are.  Michael and I had no one to ask back then.  He was getting all his Lifestyle ideas from the photo caption writers.  Sound familiar?

The next question she asked me was a question I should have known the answer to but didn’t.  I instantly wondered if maybe I had become lost in the forest myself.  The question she asked me was what percent of my email is from women.

I wasn’t sure.  I used to know because for the first few years I was helping people with Lifestyle Information and Advice, it started out to be 100% from men and slowly by the end of the second year it was about 80-20.

After that, I sort of lost track.  I knew that women were writing to me a hell of a lot more than they were in the beginning, but when I began publishing in the mainstream media Blogosphere, the number of women who write to me went way up.

When I got home from my meeting I did the research I needed to do in order to answer her question.  Hence, (I love that word) my Hotwife Epiphany.  I discovered that over the past few months, I am getting almost as much Lifestyle email from women as men.

So what did that mean?  I wasn’t sure.  Because I’m not smarter than anyone else, and because I’m not even a real doctor, I decided to ask my brain trust.  I put the question out to my advisory committee, Dr. Lexi’s Coconut Telegraph.

It’s a loose association of experienced real life day to day soccer moms who have contacted me over the time I have been Coaching, and offered to help because they agreed with my original reason for doing what I do which is, there is not a lot of reliable information out there in the Ether.

So why is that?  Why isn’t this Lifestyle discussed more openly in the mainstream media?  I actually know the answer to that one.  It’s like Masturbation.  Everyone does it, but most people don’t talk about it.

It’s a combination of things.  It’s partly because of fear of the Moral’s Police.  It is also partly because of fear of being ridiculed by your peers as being a sick fuck if you are a married guy and you admit to your friends that you have a desire to share your wife with other men.

Ever since I have been advising couples about this amazing Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle, I have been advising them to keep it to themselves.  This was a lesson Michael and I learned the hard way.

We were partying with our boating friends when this subject came up for the first time when Michael made his drunk proclamation that the thought of me having sex with other men excited him.

It seemed reasonable for us to share that information with those same friends when I actually began dating other men.  What happened was that we became a pariah in the group.  We were no longer “normal”.

Some of the men contacted me privately wanting to sneak me out.  All of the wives became jealous, correctly assuming that their husbands would be after me.  The bottom line is that we stopped being included.   I guess there really is no honor among thieves!

But there is a lot more going on here with my increased online gender specific email numbers than just my visibility in more mainstream venues, according to my brain trust, because even though I have a more mainstream presence now, people still have to search for Lifestyle information using search terms, like Hotwife, Wife Sharing, Married But Dating, Open Marriage, Alternative Marriage, Etc.

I have maintained since Day One, that women are generally more sexually open minded than men.  Is that simply my own gender bias?  I don’t think so, but I did get a very early start.  I became sexually active at fifteen.  I’m not talking about being closer to sixteen either.  I’m talking about being closer to fourteen.  Most girls spend quite a bit of time being sexually curious before taking any kind of meaningful action.

Not me!  I jumped in with both feet so to speak, the very first time I was touched there by an older boy that knew how to do it!  The reason I was popular with the older boys was because of my bra size.  My first experience with sex was a good one so I wanted more and never looked back.

Cosmo tends to back me up on my opinion about women and expressing their sexuality.  The last article I read about married women having extramarital affairs indicated that the percentage of married women having affairs is higher than that of married men.  If I read it in Cosmo, it has to be the truth right?

So where is all this information leading me?  Once I had my Hotwife Epiphany and discovered that just as many women are writing to me as men, AND, (this is a huge and) they both have to search in order to find either my blog, or my website, that seems to point to the fact that women are just as curious as men about getting real truthful information about the Hotwife Lifestyle.

Men should be taking notes here because this is a pretty major revelation.  Having said that, please keep in mind I am not a real doctor, and not into statistical analysis, or anything like that.

I am a Lifestyle blogger.  I am a Lifestyle Coach for those who want advice about the Lifestyle.  I am telling you that for whatever reason, my first time incoming email gender ratio is just about 50-50.

If you are a man who has the very normal fantasy of wanting to share your wife with other men, keep it to yourself.  If that fantasy of wanting to share her with other men has become a desire you want to turn into a reality, tell her.  Chances are pretty good she will be open minded about it so long as you have a healthy Intimate relationship with Open and Honest Communication.

Who knows?  Maybe she has even already written to me wanting to know how it works!

~

Hotwife Intimacy

July 7, 2017

I am quite sure the title of this blog Post surprises no one at all who has ever read much of my writing.  It’s a pretty common subject because it’s so important to this Lifestyle.  If you actually want to take your desire to share your wife with other men past the hinting by pillow talk stage, and make it a reality, you first need to fix your marriage.

If you think that you can hint your way into a Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle relationship during drunken pillow talk, you are wasting your time.  Your wife is NOT going to volunteer, even though she probably wants to.

Why not?  Because you spend 23.75 hours a day ignoring her needs, taking her for granted, having excellent communication with her by asking questions such as “What’s for supper?” or “Do you need me to stop at the store?”

I’m not exactly sure how many minutes .25 hours is, when you are having your sexy pillow talk.  I’m a blonde.  Math is not one of my two Super Powers.  The point is that it’s not very many.

Well actually that is not really my main point.  It’s just one of them.  The real point is that you are wasting your time.  She’s not going to take the hint.  She is not going to volunteer.

Why not?  Because even if she wanted to do it, she doesn’t believe that you really want her to date other men.  Think about it.  You spend .25 hours in bed with her naked, talking about your sexy fantasy of wanting her to spread her legs for other men before going to sleep.  The rest of the time your focus is elsewhere.

Although the pillow talk sounds pretty good to her in the moment and she gives you positive feedback, the next day, nothing happens.  Then you write to me and say something like “Dr. Lexi, I’m pretty sure my wife suffers from amnesia, because  . . . . “

What your wife actually suffers from is a lack of Intimacy.  Many of you know that when I first started blogging, my husband told me that unless I used his precious sports analogies, men wouldn’t understand my message.

That turned out to be bullshit, like many of his other “concepts” of how I should “relate” to men, but every once in a while I think one of them makes sense.  Intimacy is like a batting average in baseball, which I happen to think is a very pointless, boring game.  It’s like watching paint dry. (Go Rays!)  I live in Tampa, FL so I should at least support my team.

Where was I?  Oh!  Batting average.  Intimacy is like a batting average.  You start out with zero when you first date.  If you get it right, you go to 100.  If you get it wrong you stay at zero.

Staying at zero for very many dates get you traded, or cut, but staying at 100 gets you married.  The number that gets you married can actually drop to as low as how desperate your girlfriend is to get married.

The point is, that it can never be more than 100, even with all “Attaboys”.  The problem is that every time you get an “Aw shit!” your batting average goes down.  I know what you are thinking.  That doesn’t seem fair.

Surprisingly, I agree.  I think your “Attaboys” should be able to be stored in your account to be used when needed to cancel out an “Aw shit!” on a one to one basis.  Sadly, it does not work that way.  In real life, one “Aw shit” cancels out 10 “Attaboys” and your batting average drops like a rock.

So here you are after all these years with a very pathetic batting average, on the verge of being traded, or cut, wanting your wife to fulfill a fantasy you have, of sharing her with other men.

WTF?  Why would you even think this is doable?  Let me explain something to you.  Men are very strange thinking creatures.  If I was charging a fee for the service I am providing for free, by my desire to pay it forward, I could be a multi-zillionaire, simply because I know how to get the results you want!

It’s super simple.  It’s not complicated.  It’s not rocket science.  It’s social science.  I am going to divide this into two pieces. If you are serious about wanting your wife to fulfill your desire to share her with other men, that is one piece.

If you have the desire to share your wife with other men, as a fantasy, but you are not certain you want to make it a reality, that is the other piece.  This is NOT “one size fits all”, but you get to either place the same way by re-establishing Intimacy.

Everyone who has ever read my blog Posts knows I stress building Intimacy as the key to Communicating with your wife.  Without Intimacy, your batting average is shit!  If you are a new reader, there is a page on my website you should read.  The page is “How to have The Conversation.”

So the question I get asked most often regarding building Intimacy is this: (I am paraphrasing) “Dr. Lexi, How will I know when I have upped my batting average to the point that I have re-established Intimacy with my wife?”

You will know you have Intimacy in your marriage, when you can have the same conversation about sharing your wife with other men that you had during naked pillow talk, in a restaurant, over a romantic dinner with a bottle of wine, when you both have your clothes on.

Oh, and by the way, if you have the fantasy, but aren’t sure how far you want to take it, read the page on my website called “The Chili’s Game.”

~

 Hotwife Sex vs Adultery

June 14, 2017

There are a few typical Roadblocks men use when they first write to me about the reasons why they believe their wife would not consider having sex outside her marriage to fulfill his desire to share her with other men.

I hear this particular reason so often that I decided to make it not only a dedicated blog Post but also make it a page on my website so that in the future when this subject comes up I can refer him (or her) to the website tab rather than having to type out my thoughts on this subject every time.  I should have done this a long time ago.

First, yes I am aware that I am going to take a lot of heat about this, and receive some hate mail from the Moral’s Police.  I have said previously, receiving hate mail doesn’t make me cry anymore.

I was going to say something trite about wearing big girl pants now but decided not to, but I am going to begin by making a few disclaimers starting with the obvious.  “The opinions offered herein, are those of Dr. Lexi, who is neither a religious scholar, nor even a real doctor.  You should use your own brain to decide whether or not I know what I am talking about, and if my explanation makes sense to you.”

Since I am a practicing Hotwife, it makes sense to me, so here we go.  The Roadblock goes something like this:  “Dr. Lexi, I have a longstanding desire (fantasy) of sharing my wife with other men but because of her (our) religious upbringing I know she would never go for it.”

Interestingly, when I ask the question about what particular aspect of religious upbringing is the issue, men can’t seem to put it into words, but as soon as I ask them if they are referring to Adultery, suddenly they remember that is the reason.

Has there ever been any other religious issue raised as a roadblock against the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle in the three plus years I have been a Lifestyle Coach?  No there has not!

The Seventh Commandment is the one that says “Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery!”, or words to that effect.  So in order to know how this Commandment fits into the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle, if it even does, we need to understand the working definition of the term “Adultery.”

This is where it becomes a little more Grey than Black or White, which is why I said you need to be able to use some of your own brain power.  There are at least a dozen different definitions of the term Adultery, depending on where you look, or who is trying to scare you.

The last time I wrote a blog Post about this particular subject, one of the anonymous pieces of hate mail I got, accused me of picking a definition that suited my own purpose.  OK.  Fair enough.  Do your own research.  You decide what definition you want to use when you apply your own brain power.

If you want to use the definition I found most often when I did the research it is this, and I am paraphrasing, “A woman who has sex without the knowledge of her husband.”

The next term we need to define is that of a “Hotwife”.   A Hotwife is most often a married woman whose marriage is open on her end who has sex (dates) other men in order to fulfill her husband’s desire (fantasy) to share her sexually with other men.

Since she can’t fulfill his desire to share her with other men, unless he “has knowledge” of the sex act (fucking) outside her marriage, she is NOT an Adulteress.  It gets even better.

Not only does he have knowledge that she is having sex with other men, she has his permission, his support, and his encouragement.  That does not meet the general working definition of Adultery.

So if a Hotwife, or for that matter, any other of the Alternative Open Marriage Lifestyles involving sex with others, the wife is not committing Adultery.

That begs the question, who is committing Adultery?  Here are a few examples for you right out of my email in-basket.  A married flight attendant who hooks up with men while she is on overnight travel without her husband’s knowledge.  A secretary who is banging her boss when her husband thinks she is working late.  A woman spending the afternoon in a motel with her personal trainer.  A woman getting her needs met by her son’s soccer coach.  The list goes on and on.

If it were in my power I would end Adultery by turning all married women into Hotwives!  

 

The Making of a Hotwife

May 18, 2017

“I think I finally found my Hallelujah!  I have been waiting for this moment!”  This was a quote in an email to me from a man I have been coaching for awhile, through the process of turning his desire to share his wife with other men into reality.

He said that to me after my third email to him.   He wrote to me because he had the desire but didn’t know how to take it past strongly hinting during pillow talk which had not worked.  His wife had not taken the hint, nor had she volunteered.

Before I go any further with this story I want you to know that this couple has given me permission to use his story as the model for doing it the right way to get the result he wanted.  I am not going to identify him in any way.  The story is all that matters.

For everyone out there reading this, doing it the same way he was doing it by dropping hints during pillow talk, I have some news for you.  It’s not going to happen, and if it did, it would be because she had a private agenda that is not in the best interest of your marriage.

He was easy to coach because he didn’t have the porn and fantasy Tumblr background that has distorted the reality of many of the men who write to me.

Because he was not misled by the photo captions published by the porn and fantasy enthusiasts, I did not have to re-educate him.  I didn’t have to hand him down a ladder so he could climb out of the hole he dug for himself to be able to repair his relationship with his wife first, and best of all, his fantasy of sharing her was not over the moon.

He simply wanted her to see other men because the thought of her having sex with these men was such a strong turn on for him.  His vision of the fantasy was that she would meet men somewhere, or anywhere, and then share the details with him when she got home.

This desire was so strong that he was sure he was perverted, and so he told no one.  He began to do some research online but didn’t know what he was searching for until like every other person doing research on just about anything, it turns out that all roads lead to porn.

At least that gave him a starting point, but unlike most men, he didn’t get stuck there in the porn sewer.  It did give him hope however that he wasn’t the only man having these thoughts and feelings about sharing his wife.  Then he found my website and that changed everything when he discovered that not only was he not alone, he was more honest than most men by at least admitting it.

Background:  They are a married couple in their mid-forties.  They are empty nesters, but the wife has a soccer mom background.  They are suburbanites, middle income, and not struggling financially since she also works.

They are a social couple with friends from work, friends from the neighborhood, and other social friends they met along the way.  Like most empty nesters they struggled to adapt to life being different.  They didn’t know how to reconnect to each other.

Their sex life was boring and had become more of a maintenance chore until he began having fantasies about sharing her.  He fantasized that he was one of her co-workers she had mentioned who was flirting with her.  He fantasized he was the coworker and had seduced her into an affair.

He began using her revelation during pillow talk hinting around that she should do more.  That specific pillow talk turned him into an animal and although she noticed a difference is his performance, she didn’t take the hint.

He was confused because she was a willing participant in the pillow talk and since it made sex so much better, he couldn’t figure out why she wouldn’t take the hint.  Eventually, he wrote to me.

Like most men that write to me the first time, it’s something simple like “are you even a real person?”  They do that because most men wonder if I will answer them.  When they do that I let them know that I’m a real person but that Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor, and I know what the subject matter is and the more information they give me helps me to decide where they need to start.

I get some of the information I need in the second email, along with a disclaimer usually letting me know that they might not be sure this is what they really want, but if it is, then now what?

As an interesting aside, women who write to me don’t do that.  Women tell me everything in the first email.  I can start helping them right that minute.

The third email I get from a man is typically when he opens up like a faucet and tells me what I need to know, or answers all my questions.  Depending on how they find me, this is when I send them to my website where they can find the truth about this Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle.

So that what I did that time.  That was when he told me about finding his Hallelujah.  He sopped up all of the information like a sponge and it all made sense.  I asked him for the specific details of his fantasy, so I could see how much downsizing I would have to do to get him to a reasonable place to start

I made a few recommendations of starting with lower expectations and starting at Step One rather than Step Five since eventually, he was going to have to sit her down and tell her what he wanted her to do.

He was further ahead than most because they had such a vanilla marriage for so long, there were no skeletons in his closet, or major sins, and not enough marital issues that had been swept under the rug for so long that it made a hump big enough to trip over.

He was very easy to coach because he was an intelligent guy that saw this as a process of small steps, instead of simply telling her that he wanted her to have sex with other men and oh, by the way, don’t get pregnant while you are doing it.

We talked about the concept of showing her a completely painted picture that explained exactly how adding some spice to their marriage was going to make it better, would make them closer, and supercharge their sex life without ever mentioning the ultimate goal of her spreading her legs for other men.

For anyone who wonders if this tactic might be somewhat deceitful, let me explain it to you this way.  Women are not stupid.  If her husband is filling her ears with sugar smack during pillow talk about branching out, she doesn’t really have amnesia the next day OK?  She knows where this is going.

This thing is, if that factoid is not stated during the presentation she does not have to pretend to be outraged at the suggestion of having sex with other men.  This is not the time to focus on the details.  This is the time to explain the advantages of adding spice to the marriage.

The details will happen automatically because if she understands how adding spice is going to build Intimacy and Open Communication in her 20+ year marriage because her husband will be focused on her like a laser beam, she is going to want to know how it works.  She will be curious about the spice!

In his case he was so anxious to make this happen that I had to apply the brakes until I was sure he understood all the steps, and to his credit, once he understood the process completely he had no fear that at the moment of truth he wouldn’t be able to make the words come out of his mouth.

In his case I wanted him to spend two weeks focusing all of his attention and energy on her to the point that she began to wonder what was up.  It worked.  She finally asked, “What did you do?”   It wasn’t accusatory like he had done something horrendous, it was more like what did he buy.

He assured her it was nothing like that and asked her out on a dinner date.  To say that she was curious was an understatement.   Women who are curious are almost always open minded.

If you don’t believe me all you have to do is think about all the married women who have an affair when their emotional and sexual needs are not being met at home.  There is your ultimate example of an open minded woman!

So after the second glass of wine, he showed her his completely painted picture of how and why adding some spice to their marriage, was going to make it better.  Keep in mind that he had just shown her two weeks worth of benefits up front.  She was curious about the spice.  She wanted to hear about the spice.

“What kind of spice?”  She asked.

He told her that he had a fantasy of wanting to watch men flirt with her when they didn’t know he was her husband.  He told her it would excite him watching her being engaged in the flirting process.  That was the spice.  They would play a game where she would let men flirt with her and he would watch.  He explained it by using the concept of The Chili’s Game.  She wanted more information because her curiosity was not satisfied.

“Men flirt with me because they want sex.”  She told him.

“I know that.  It’s why it excites me.”  He told her.

“Is that what this is about?  You want me to have sex with other men?”  She asked.  I had prepared him on how to answer this question truthfully without getting himself in trouble and receiving an automatic “I’m not doing it!” even if she didn’t really mean it.

“I don’t know the answer to that but it’s not what I want right now.  Right now I would like to watch men flirting with you and nothing more.  It’s totally harmless and it turns me on, and I think you would have fun because you are such a social butterfly.  It would add spice to our marriage.

“Is this because I told you about Jim flirting with me at work?”

“It’s part of it.  You know what’s it's like to have men flirt with you.  I would like to watch it happen that’s all.”

“So how far would you want me to take it?”

“Nowhere.  I just want to watch you do it.  I will never ask you to do anything outside your comfort zone.  I think it would be exciting to watch and then when we get home you can tell me what he said and how it made you feel and if you don’t ever want to do it again you don’t have to.  I just thought adding some spice would be a good thing for our marriage.”

He presented this process in a non-threatening way by explaining all of the reasons why adding spice would make their marriage better.  He did not ask her to do anything outrageous or outside of her comfort zone so she had no reason not to agree to play the game.  She agreed to try it.

Because it really had been that simple and because he was so anxious to make it happen he asked if they could stop by Chili’s on the way home and try it.  She said she would but only because she had already had two glasses of wine.

They went to Chili’s.  He went to the bar and she went to the ladies room.  She sat across from him and ordered a glass of wine.  There were only four other people in the bar and no one other than the bartender paid any attention to her but he was flirting with her.   She was old enough to be his mother so that went nowhere.  An older man came in and sat down two seats away and he was interested in talking to her but he was waiting on a takeout order so that went nowhere either.   

She made a motion with her head to leave just as another very young guy came into the bar and sat down next to her.  He got his ID checked before he got served but he was all about the older cougar sitting there alone drinking wine.  She had no interest and was trying to ger her husband’s attention to leave but they had no signals because he forgot that part.

She excused herself, went back to the ladies room and called him.  She was laughing.  “I’m ready to go.  If we keep doing this we need some signals.”  She said.  He was thrilled.  She went out through the restaurant door and he paid for his drink and hers which surprise the bartender.  He met her out front.  They went home and had very animalistic sex.

I’m not going to tell you everything I know about this couple.  I wanted to share with you how he got her to start the process of adding spice to their marriage without ever mentioning the word “sex.”

After she became a Hotwife I got an email from her one day out of the blue thanking me for my help in supercharging their marriage.  Up to that point, I had no idea she knew anything about me coaching her husband.

It took her six months from that first time Chili’s game failure, until she actually consummated her first official act as a practicing Hotwife, by getting picked up in a bar and making a date for later in the week, with the understanding that sex was going to be involved.

They had some starts and stops along the way and she was slow to take steps but because her husband was patient, she finally got there.  She has a supercharged marriage now, a sex life of her own, and a new friend in Dr. Lexi.  She gave me permission to tell their story.  I hope it inspires others who want to take this journey and turn the desire to share their wives with other men into reality.  Sometimes it really is that simple when you go about it the right way.

~

Hotwife Sex and Kissing

May 10, 2017

Finding a man with whom you share mutual sexual chemistry is critical in the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle, regardless of your Hotwife Rules of Engagement which is supposed to be your roadmap of how to conduct the personal sex life part of your marriage, which is to say the part of your sex life with which your husband has given you complete autonomy to conduct any way you see fit to conduct it.

If he has not given you complete autonomy over the dating process then you have agreed to do this for the wrong reason and you are both going to be disappointed with the results you get.

There are only two reasons why he is not giving you complete control over your dating life and both reasons should raise a huge red flag to you my sister.  The first reason is a lack of trust issue.  The second reason is a control issue, which means he wants you to do this for him but only if you agree to do it on his terms which usually means he wants an active role in picking out which men get to service you.  That’s fucked up any way you look at it!

Men that think that way are simple minded morons, who are so far up the ass of the photo caption writers that they have no concept of the difference between fantasy and reality.

Here is the reality.  Your husband is not the one in charge, if he is serious about his desire to share you with other men.  Why?  Because without your agreement and active participation in this, he doesn’t have a Hotwife.  All he has are his precious photo captions, and his hand.

If this is your situation, you need to go on strike.  Dr. Lexi will walk the picket line with you.

Men write to me every week telling me they have this fantasy and they want to make it a reality and more than half the time I have to tell these men, it’s not going to happen because they want all the control and usually it’s because they don’t trust you, or they want to start at Step Ten instead of Step One.

I recently had a serious conversation with my husband about my message here.  I suggested that people were getting tired of me preaching Intimacy as how to make this happen.  My husband suggested I was getting a little burned out preaching that message, so I have decided to give Intimacy a rest for a while.  Intimacy is a concept that all women understand and most men don’t.  My website and my blogs are full of information about building intimacy and that’s all I’m going to say about that today.

Today I want to talk about Hotwife sex and the role that kissing plays in a successful encounter.

Anyone who reads enough of my stuff knows there are two main ways that most Hotwives date.  There is the FWB way where the Hotwife only has one other man in her life besides her husband, and the other way is the casual dating way which is how I do it.  Some people refer to that dating technique as Mr. Tonight.

My message right now is not to discuss the merits of doing it one way or another or to explain what each way is which.  If you want more information feel free to read my blogs or go to my website.

My message today is universal.  Everyone always wants to know how I do it, and every time I post something about how I do it, seems to raise just as many questions as I answer.

So the last time I tried to answer the question of how I know if there is enough mutual sexual chemistry with a man I have met, to know whether or not I want to have sex with him, I said that I knew from the way he kissed me.

I thought that answer should be clear to anyone but I was wrong.  I got email from men wanting to know how they should kiss a woman and I got email from women wanting more detail about measuring kiss quality and what mattered to me as a woman as to how I measured kiss quality.

Please keep in mind the opinions expressed here are my own, and Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor, by the way.  My BFF Jill who is a fellow native Floridian with deep ties to the Green Swamp, and I have many deep philosophical discussions about men, fucking, mud bogging, good barbeque places, our husbands, boyfriends, and the latest local scandals.

In other words we are just like you except maybe our country roots run a little deeper but maybe not.  When we were catching up after my time in Las Vegas she was telling me about her new guy.  Our standard question to eavh other about men is “What’s he got?”

This is not a cock size question OK?  It’s a girl question.  It means why?  Or what’s the draw, or what’s the attraction?

“He can kiss me cross eyed.” She said. I knew instantly what she meant.  I also knew instantly that I was going plagiarize it and told her so.  So Jill, here is your credit and thanks for a really good quote.

I know that there is enough mutual sexual chemistry for sex, when a man can kiss me cross eyed.  Here is my very best description of that type of kiss.

A perfectly executed kiss is when a man surrenders his lips at the moment of impact just like most women do, and takes all the muscle tension out of it.  I’m not sure if that’s the right word but he relaxes his lips when they touch mine.  The point is that it is a soft kiss.  It has nothing to do with kiss pressure or lip force or anything else.  When a man kisses me and there is mutual surrender of our lips he could kiss me right out of my panties, if I wore panties.

When a man puckers his lips and kisses me that way it’s a hard kiss, not a soft kiss.  It’s a totally different message to a woman’s emotions.  A hard kiss has an element of control to it at least in my blonde brain.  A soft kiss is inviting, sexual, sensual, and I want more.  The more I get, well, you get the idea.

I hope this time I have explained it in a way that answers all or your questions, but since that has not happened yet to anything I have tried to answer, if you have a question about this, bring it!

~

Dr. Lexi Personal Update

April 21, 2017

To my readers:  Some of the things I write about are a lot easier than other things.  When Michael and I began this journey together we made a lot of mistakes along the way because there was no one like me that we could find to ask for advice, which is why I do what I do by paying it forward now, so other couples won’t make the same mistakes we made.

Because I promised you from the very beginning writing about our journey, to always tell you the truth, not to glamorize the Lifestyle, and to tell you the downside as well as the up side, I decided it was my obligation to share this with you.

This is by far the most painful thing I have ever written.  It has taken me almost a month. I wrote it, sat on it a day or so, edited it, sat on it, deleted it, started over, edited it, deleted it again and so forth.

Michael was both helpful and not helpful but at the end of the day left the decision up to me about what to do.  In my mind there was no real option for me if I wanted to maintain my credibility with you.  So here is the story, warts and all.

Almost a month ago I had complete disclosure with my daughter about my Alternative Marriage Lifestyle.  This did not happen by my choice.  It was not something I planned to do and honestly hoped that day would never come, but it did.  I was working in Las Vegas when this happened and I realized I had been backed into a corner and had nowhere to go.

I made the decision that minute that I had told her the very last lie I was ever going to tell her.  She is 23 years old.  I told her that we needed to talk and I and I would come home and meet her in Gainesville the following day.

My biggest fear had been that one of her male friends would find me through one of my blogs or find my website and that is the main reason I got rid of Facebook, My Space and everything else I had been using.  That did not happen, but would have, sooner or later.  That fact was on my mind when I told her we needed to talk.

It was the worst day of my life except for the day my mother died, but was every bit as painful. She met me at the door, with an expression on her face which was all too familiar during her high school years when she hated me for being her Obstructionist when I was trying to keep her from getting pregnant before she graduated.

It was very familiar with both the look and her tone.  “So mother, what’s going on?”  She practically spat out the words.  So I told her.

It was a shattering confession from me and a devastating thing for her to hear the whole truth.  How does any woman tell her adult daughter that her mother is not only a Hotwife, but a prostitute?

She became hysterical and began screaming at me in rage and alternately sobbing and putting her hands over her ears.  Trying to console her was out of the question.  Trying to reason with her was out of the question.  Only telling her the Hotwife part was out of the question.  Reminding her that her own lifestyle was pretty similar to mine was out of the question.  So I listened to her ranting at me and tell me things that she didn’t really mean, or at least wouldn’t mean later.  At one point when she started to run out of insults she thought for a moment that her father might be her ally.  I was prepared for that one at least.

“How could you do this to my father!  Wait until he finds out he’s married to a whore!”  She shouted at me.

“Your father knows every move I make.  This is a journey we have taken together.”  I told her.  That set her off all over again realizing that she had been betrayed by both her parents.  I was ready with that one because I knew I was going to need it and was going to make it very clear to her I had her father’s support, and encouragement in everything I do.  I have not cried like that in anguish for many years.  In fact as I thought back on it, the last time was for the very same reason.  My daughter hated me.

That time had been by a seventeen year old high school junior that hated me for ruining her life.  This time it was from a twenty three year old young woman that hated me for ruining her life.

We sat there both of us crying for a very long time.  Finally when I stopped crying, so did she.  We sat in silence for a minute or two.

“I have nothing more to say.”  She told me.  I was being dismissed.

“All right.” I said.  There was no point in trying to explain.  There was no point in trying to apologize either.  Apologizing was going to be complicated because I don’t regret my Lifestyle or my relationship with my husband.  I will apologize at some point for causing her distress.

“I love you.”  I said as I was leaving.

“Bullshit!  She said.

I went back to my hotel and called Michael.  I told him everything.  The difference between my daughter and I, at that moment, was that she didn’t want to be consoled, but I did.  My husband, to his credit did his best job ever of consoling me long distance.

I cried some more and he waited me out.  He asked me if I had any regrets.  He was not referring to our daughter’s meltdown. I understood that.  I told him I didn’t.  He told me he didn’t either.  We talked about moving forward and talked about our strategy for repairing my relationship with our daughter.

His relationship with his daughter will mend quicker because he is her financer in a real estate investment.  She has found a niche renting student housing and she can sell ice to the Eskimos.

I am her mother with whom she has had a love/hate relationship going back to her fifteenth year.  My role is this betrayal is more complicated.

I spent most of that night composing an email telling her everything I would have said to her if she had wanted to hear it and been willing to listen.  Along our journey there were some outright lies to my daughter.  There were many times she made assumptions that were wrong but I used them to our advantage, and there were several times when I told her the truth and she didn’t believe me which suited my purposes even better.  Sometimes she helped me in setting up her own deception.

I am not proud of any of this, but the question of what I should have done differently is not clear to me.  Please remember that when we began this deception we didn’t know what the hell we were doing or for that matter, where we were going.  She now knows everything there is to know about why I did what I did.  I explained every lie I could recall and all the rest of the deceptions.

I have talked to her on the phone a few times very briefly although I still cringe when her number comes up on my screen.  She asks me questions about things that are not clear to her.  She wants clarification on some things I wrote to her.  That tells me that she is trying to understand things from our perspective instead of her own, or wants to make sure I told her the truth about something by asking if that really happened.

Is our relationship healing?  That is hard to say, but I agree with Michael who says it will.  The reason he thinks that is because it’s not my Lifestyle that is the problem, it was the deception.  Michael has said to me a few times the only downside of being married to a prostitute is there is no one to brag to.  He says that my relationship with my daughter will be healed when she thinks the same way.

The question about my website or blogs did not come up nor did I volunteer it.  If or when she finds out, maybe reading this entry will be comforting to her.  I hope so anyway.  I love her.  She will always be my baby, even when she believes she hates me.

I didn’t have my own mother long enough to understand the conflict a teenage girl has with her mother so all I know is being on the receiving end.

So that’s the story, and that is where we are today.  I am still hurting a great deal.

In order for this to make sense to some of my readers who haven’t followed my journey, you need to understand how we got here in order to understand why we did what we did regarding the information flow to our daughter.  Let’s call her Mary.

When I became a Hotwife, Mary was living in a dorm in Gainesville.  She was about 80% out of the nest.  Michael’s fear was that she was going to show up at home suddenly with 5 loads of laundry some weekend and ask “Where’s mom?” when mom was out partying and might not come home.  Keep in mind we were trying to solve a problem we didn’t have, but might sometime. 

When Mary left for college my relationship with Michael was in the toilet.  He had ignored both of us for a very long time.  We were simply going through the motions and by then I was actively playing with men online as a military chat pen pal. At least someone wanted to have sex with me, even if he was in the desert.

So how could we keep Mary from asking her father questions and, at the same time begin giving her small spoonfuls of information that would eventually get to full disclosure?  I actually thought that what we came up with was quite clever.  Not only that, it was totally believable to Mary.  It worked perfectly.

I visited Mary one weekend when I helped her move from the dorm into an apartment and confided the fact that I had decided to start seeing other men.  This made perfect sense to her.  She knew I hadn’t been happy when she left for UF.  I was prepared to tell her that her father was aware of it but that question never came up.

She was thrilled for me!  “Mom!  What took you so long?”  She asked me.  She became my champion trying to get me laid.  She wanted us to party together and meet guys.  I decided that my immediate goal had been met. I was very pleased with myself.  I had taken Michael’s fear of being interrogated off the table, without having to use all my ammo.  Not only that, my relationship with my daughter was at an all time high.

Becoming a professional traveling companion was not something I ever imagined doing.  That happened shortly after I began blogging. My blog is how they found me.  I was not looking for work.  They had need of a Tampa based escort who could travel.  You can find that entire story in my blog if you so desire.  The reason I am mentioning it now is because it complicated things as it related to Mary.

Up until then I had not lied to her, I had only allowed her to assume that her father had no knowledge that I was sexually active outside my marriage.  My new job was going to complicate things with Mary because I was going on cruises, attending conventions, and going on vacations with men, and so we thought we needed to be able to account for longer periods of time in case she called me and I was on a Caribbean cruise for example and didn’t return her call for a week.

I told Mary that her father and I were trying to decide how to go forward with the next chapter of our marriage and that he was now aware I was dating and agreed to it and that I was going to take some time for myself and do some traveling, so that if she tried to reach me and I wasn’t available she could call her father and there would not be an interrogation.  That went well.  It was believable and never became an issue.

The next complication became an issue.  On the surface it looked to Mary like Michael and I separated.  That story is also available for anyone who cares, but the facts are that we sold our home in Tampa, I moved into my Condo in Tampa, and Michael established residency in South Carolina under the terms of a business contract he signed with the state.  We are NOT now, nor ever have been separated in our marriage and yes, I understand it looks that way on the surface.  I can’t fix that perception with my daughter or anyone else.

The complete story of why I did not move to South Carolina is also there for anyone who cares.  The only significance this has to Michael and I, is that we do not currently have a common anchor residence that is “ours”.  Michael is OK with that and so am I.

The next thing that happened was when Mary wanted to see my condo.  Michael bought me a high heel stiletto shoe chair and had it shipped to me as a Christmas present.  It’s a sex chair OK?  It’s in my living room.  I didn’t want it but I have it.  Michael wanted me to have it.

Mary was fascinated with it.  She wanted to know where I got it.  I told her the truth.  She didn’t believe me.  She was also aware that I was spending quite a bit of time traveling.  Since she knew I was seeing other men, and since she thought that Michael and I are separated, she naturally assumed I had a sugar daddy.

Does it make more sense to me at that time to try and fix her misperception, which does not suit my goal, or should I go with the flow and let her think she has figured it out which does suit my goal?  I confirmed her thinking when she asked me if I knew what it was really for.  I said yes.  She asked me if I had tried it out.  I said yes.  I did not lie to her.  Both statements were true.  I did lie to her in the sense that I allowed her to mislead herself.

So now I have explained everything.  Yesterday Mary called me because she wanted to know the truth about the sex chair in my living room.  I told her the truth again, but I’m still not sure she believes me.  In fact I’m pretty sure she doesn’t.

Where does this leave me as a Lifestyle coach?  I get at least one email a week from a soccer mom hotwife or potential hotwife asking for my advice on how to handle the “where’s mom?”  or “Where’s mom going?” question.  I have been very consistent that I do not have a one size fits all, answer for that one especially once a female child becomes curious about her mother’s sexuality.

I have shared this with you from my heart even though it hurt me to do so.  This was an extremely painful experience for me.  I know I am going to get some hate mail from the Morals Police because I usually do.

If you have a comment to make I hope it is respectful.  That’s all I ask.

Alexis McCall

~

Married teacher has sex with . . .

April 14, 2017

My Yahoo News feed had a story the other day about this very hot looking, female, married, thirty something, Texas High School teacher who got caught having sex with one of her students.

I was reading this story while sitting in the airport in Las Vegas waiting for my red eye flight to be called for boarding, which happened before I could finish reading the story.

The problem with news feeds is that unless you save them right then, they go into the Abyss usually before you can get back to them later, like after your flight.  The truth is I didn’t feel like doing research on the story later in order to finish reading it, after it disappeared from my news feed, just to get all the facts exactly right because it doesn’t matter.  Most of those Teacher/Student sex scandals are alike.

Whenever I think about writing something that even I think is a dumb idea, I run it by Michael first to see what he thinks.  I hadn’t even written it yet but I told him what I planning to do and although he was amused, he didn’t think it was a good idea either because the last time I posted something about Teacher/Student sex it was about Debra Lafave, and I got some hate mail from The Morals Police.

I thought this over for about two seconds and then I laughed.  This is simply too good to pass up I thought, so here it is anyway.

It always amazes me at how many tight ass Moralists seem to read my stuff even though they are offended by most of it.  I never hear from them when I talk about improving your relationship with your wife by building Intimacy, but whenever I say that Hotwife sex is not Adultery or that sharing your wife with other men will supercharge your marriage, that offends them.   They come out of the woodwork to attack me.  I wonder if they also attack the photo caption writers.  At least I tell the truth!

 I live in Tampa, Florida, and so does Debra Lafave.  She got caught having sex with one of her students who was 14.  This was a very big deal in Tampa at the time, which as I recall was like 2005?

You are going to have to either trust me on the details or do your own research because I’m not a reporter, I’m simply telling a story as I recall it.  There was all this moral outrage about this twenty something married, very hot looking blonde teacher having sex with one of her students.  Everyone in the media referred to him as a “victim”.

Everyone NOT in the media, or NOT a member of the Morals Police, including my husband, referred to him, not as a victim, but as “a lucky son of a bitch!”  I was curious about his thinking so he explained it to me very succinctly in terms I understood.

“As soon as it starts getting hard, boys want to stick it in someone and it’s usually a well developed female they have been fantasizing about sticking it in, which is why it gets hard sometimes without warning.”  Michael pointed this out to me because we have Intimacy in our marriage now.

“They don’t fantasize about girls their own age?”  I asked.  This was a trick question because I already knew the answer.

“No.  Not the same way.”  He said.  I tried not to laugh because this was complete bullshit.  I became sexually active when I was fifteen, and I’m not talking about being closer to sixteen when it happened. 

Just so you know I didn’t think of myself as a victim either because I really liked it a lot!  Anyway, I didn’t call him out on it because I wanted to know the male thinking about this hot looking married teacher banging one of her students.

My husband’s position was that the reason they got caught was his fault, and it wasn’t because he was victimized.  It was because he was bragging!  That actually made a lot of sense to me.  Who is she going to tell?  Nobody!  That’s who.

The male student is not a victim.  He is a dumbass who ruined a good thing as well as her life.  He is not the only dumbass in the couple though.  Please don’t think I am that naïve.

The thing is, I can understand why a very hot looking, married, female, teacher is not immune from getting her ass flirted off five day a week from a young guy that wants to do her when she is probably married to a boring guy that lost interest or can’t get it up, and didn’t ask her to be a Hotwife.

Am I excusing her behavior?  No.  Do I understand it?  Yes I do!  When I was in high school, there was a “trades” teacher who made it pretty clear to me that he would like to get to know me outside of school, without coming right out and saying it.  Let’s say his name is Mr. Smith, which it wasn’t.

I didn’t have any shop classes.  He just started chatting me up in the hallway between class one day.  I didn’t think anything about it at first until one of the boys in my 9th grade English class told me that Mr. Smith was asking about me.

I liked knowing that!  The next time he said something to me in the hall I stopped to talk to him.  We sort of flirted a little and I liked that a lot too.

A few day later, another  boy I knew who lived on my road and we rode horses together sometimes, and ate lunch together sometimes, told me that Mr. Smith asked him about me.  I was thrilled.

“What did he ask?”  I asked.

“He said he heard you had hot pants and wanted to know if it was true.”

I bet that never happened to Debra Lafave or that teacher from Texas.  I never spoke to Mr. Smith again even though it was true!

~

Hotwife Advice from Dr. Lexi*

April 12, 2017

 Here are 4 things a Soccer Mom Hotwife should never do!

1.     Never have sex with Mr. Tonight in a motel room on top of the comforter.

This should be a no brainer if your date is budget minded.  Any way you choose to interpret that is most likely correct.  Depending on where he takes you for the purpose of exchanging bodily fluids you should keep in mind that some of that exchange is going to end up on the comforter, and the longer you linger, well, you get the idea.

They change the sheets for each new guest, but not the comforter.  I asked a maid once how often they clean the comforter because it had a very distinct cheap perfume odor. She shrugged.  I looked at her until it made her uncomfortable and she said, “When my manager tells me to.”

What that tells me is that they clean it when it starts to smell or the stains are too obvious.  That means your naked ass might not be even be the first naked ass on top of that comforter in the past 24 hour cleaning cycle.  If they clean the comforter once a month you can do the math if you want to.  Always, always, always, take a few extra seconds to pull the comforter off the bed even if he looks at you funny.  I promise you it’s not going to break the mood! 

2.    Never have car sex in a nightclub parking lot. 

This usually was not your intent anyway.  You wanted to find out if he was a good kisser before making the commitment to meet up with him somewhere and things got out of hand.  That would imply, of course, that he had something in his hand first.

You went from standing beside your car test kissing, to sitting in your car along side of Mr. Tonight discussing where you should meet up while continuing to experience his attention to the details of your body, like unbuttoning your blouse, or doing a little exploring of your nether region while still kissing you.

Things escalated because he was either very good or very persistent.  The point is that you went from thinking this is not a very good idea, to getting worked up, to getting more or less naked, to thinking it is a very good idea because you want it right now!

Somehow through a combination of creative gymnastics and agility you manage to get your bodies connected together in the right places.  You are focused so completely on mission completion that you are oblivious to the fact that you have attracted a small crowd.

I understand it’s different if you live up north.  A woman told me that happened to her and the windows got completely steamed over and just as she was nearing completion the cops opened both doors at the same time.

I am not opposed to car sex under all circumstances though but that’s all I’m going to say about that.

3.    Never go out hunting during certain nights of the month if you have a history with PMS.

 The one and only bar fight I ever got into was directly attributed to that.  I was very new when this happened and I was annoyed with my husband because he was whining about my hook up rate being pitifully low.  That should have been my clue that going out was not a good idea.

I went out to a sports bar I had never been to but wanted to try.  I was sitting at the bar.  I talked to a few men but no one interested me.  A very confident man sat down next to me and wanted to buy me a drink.  I already had a drink.  In fact I had too many drinks and wanted to go home.  He was persistent, and then nasty.  He called me a stuck up bitch.  I told him to fuck off!  He called me the dreaded C word and I went into a rage.  I dumped my drink on his head.  If I could have reached one of the darts I would have buried it right in the middle of his forehead.  He went into his own rage and tried to slap me.

I blocked it with my arm but it hurt like hell.  A man standing behind me punched him in the nose so hard that he landed on the floor.  Evidently the bartender had already called the cops.  There was blood all over the floor.  I was mortified and humiliated.

The cops talked to everyone that saw it happen.  The sergeant asked me to go into the dining room with him and sit at a table.  He told me I was not in trouble but he wasn’t going to let me drive home and asked if someone could come get me.  I let him use my phone to call Michael.

Evidently Michael said something to him that made him laugh but I never found out what it was.  I could tell Michael was amused by his wife getting into a bar fight but I was still breathing fire on the way home.  He tried not to laugh.  I wished I had put one of those darts in my purse right about then.

4.    Drinks.  Never let a man you do not know, hand you a drink unless you watched it being poured and tracked it with your eyes all the way into your hand.

This advice is for all women in any public social situation where men and women go to meet, mingle, and more.

Most men are there looking for the “more” part and some of these men are not above lowering a woman’s inhibition using “chemistry” to up the odds in his favor.  Many of the bars in Tampa in the nightclub district have signs posted as a reminder to women to be vigilant.

Being vigilant is good, but being paranoid is bad.  Most of them have security guards at the exits watching for unusual behavior.  Is this type of thing more likely to happen in tourist destinations like Tampa, Orlando, and Miami?  I have no idea but I travel a great deal and I don’t notice these warnings other places, so I decided to issue my own.

I would like to also point out that mingling in more upscale places also minimizes that risk.

*Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor.

~

 

Hotwife Fantasy Explained 

March 16, 2017

Many of you know that Dr. Lexi* is publishing these blog Posts in three places.  I am publishing in the Hotwife area of Tumblr which is where I began my journey trying to provide real, truthful, information about what the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle is and isn’t.

Sometime later, my husband Michael, convinced me that I needed to have my own website because he was certain that “almost any day now” Yahoo, which is the owner of Tumblr was going to pull the plug on the porn sewer that this particular area of Tumblr has become, and he didn’t want my entire body of blog Posts and advice, to suddenly disappear into the Abyss if they simply shut it down one day as had been threatened back then.

That made sense to me because at the time I was getting quite a bit of hate mail from the photo caption writers who glorify the Hotwife Lifestyle in a mostly unrealistic way for the vast majority, by using porn and fantasy.

To be honest with you, nobody likes getting negative email.  I was getting it regularly, telling me to mind my own business and “fuck off”, or wishing me to “eat shit and die bitch!”

I am also publishing on Medium.com which is a more upscale Blog site without all the porn and fantasy because not everyone who is hoping to find information about our Lifestyle wants to try and do research on a porn site getting misinformation.

Why does any of this matter?  It matters because the photo caption writers are not portraying the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle in a realistic light for most real life married couples looking for nuggets of gold in all that river sand. 

Not only that, men who finally figure out that this desire to share their wife with other men for sex, is a hell of a lot more normal than they thought!  The thing is, they never told anyone for fear of The Morals Police, not to mention their wife.  So they have kept this deep desire locked up inside their brain.

That desire is really very normal.  Even for men who deny it.  How do I know this?  I know this because of the thousand plus emails I have received from married guys who write to me and tell me they thought that having that desire to share their wife with other men was fucked up and are glad to know they are normal!

Think of the fantasy of wife sharing like you think about Masturbation.  Everybody does it, but most people don’t talk about it. So because they don’t talk about it they don’t know how normal that desire really is.

I get at least ten emails a week from men who don’t understand there is NO relationship between Hotwife and Cuckold, because of the way they are portrayed as linked together on sites like Tumblr.  They are scared to death to tell their wife they have a desire to share her body with other men, for fear they will be labeled as a Cuckold!  Or worse!

So Dr. Lexi* is going to clear up some misinformation for you by explaining the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle link between Hotwife and Cuckold.  I can do it in four words.

There is no link!

A Hotwife is a married woman, whose marriage is open on her end and closed on her husband's end in order to fulfill her husband's desire to share her with other men.  She dates outside her marriage specifically to share her body with other men, with the knowledge, consent, and encouragement of her husband in order to fulfill a VERY normal desire that most men have.

A Cuckold is largely defined as a married man whose wife is fucking other men without his knowledge and especially without his consent.  In case you never heard this before, the basis of the word Cuckold comes from the Cuckoo bird which lays its eggs in the nests of other birds for the other mother bird to hatch.

Somebody is going to write to me and tell me I didn’t get that exactly right.  Maybe not, but its close.  That’s OK because I have a lot of readers and I don’t mind when someone says “You got that mostly right Lexi, however . . .”   I DO mind though when it starts out “You dumb bitch!”  Hmmm . . . .  Where was I?

Occasionally a man who is a Cuckold has knowledge that his wife has other lovers, but she does not have his consent, and he is too weak emotionally to stop her or she controls the finances, or some other reason.

By definition it is not possible for a Hotwife to be married to a Cuckold.  There is absolutely NO link whatsoever in reality between Hotwife and Cuckold, in most of society.

All the rest of it, is fantasy role playing.  If I got into all of that, this blog Post would be way to long, but some of it edges into reality a little bit because when two consenting adults are involved sexually with each other, the sky is the limit.

This is the realm where Porn and Fantasy, and Photo Caption Writers reside.  Most of what you see portrayed there is not the day to day reality of a married or committed couple who I normally refer to as a Soccer Mom hotwife.  Why do I use that term? 

I use that term to portray Reality as an everyday wife and mother, who probably has 2.5 kids, a husband, a mortgage, a dog, possibly a career of her own, and she splits family responsibility of getting the kids to their activities like band practice, the dentist, and yes, soccer practice, with other family members and oh by the way, she also occasionally dates other men to fulfill her husband’s desire to share her.

I am not trying to convince anyone that the things you see in the photo captions don’t ever occur in real life or with some Hotwife couples.  My message is not for them. They don’t write to me for advice.  I can guarantee you that they didn’t start there doing those things you see being portrayed.

I tell anyone who asks me that I have no problem at all with anything that two or more consenting adult want to do, and so long as it does not affect my quality of life it is OK with me.

So a fair question to ask me would be something like “Well Dr. Lexi* if you don’t like what goes on in the Tumblr Blogosphere, why don’t you stop blogging there?”

OK.  So, yes I am aware I am trying to swim upstream in the porn sewer of Tumblr.  That’s because that is where many people find me while they are trying to figure out the reality of this Lifestyle be trying to separate the wheat from the chaff.

 When a man writes to me and says he has that desire to share his wife but is afraid to pursue it because he doesn’t want to be considered a Sissy or a Cuckold, or anything else negative that is portrayed by the Photo Caption Writers gives me all the reason I need to be swimming in that sewer.

 Alexis McCall  AKA Dr. Lexi*

 *Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor.

 Personal note to my readers:  Yes, I am aware that it has been a month and a half since I Posted anything.  I am pretty sure I have never gone that long before.  I am grateful to those of you that have written to me either telling me you missed me, were checking on me, asking if I fell in, got burned out, was sick, too busy, travelling, or simply sent me an email with “WTF?”.

 All is well in my world!  Occasionally I get burned out travelling so much for my day job, and that’s what I have been doing the most of lately.  The time I have had available for writing has been answering my Lifestyle email which for me is a Labor of Love as I continue paying it forward.

 This particular blog Post does not address any of the ingredients that make a successful Hotwife Alternative Marriage, like I usually talk about.  Michael and I had a long talk about my strategy going forward as it relates to blogging and sharing advice.

 He made a very good point which resonated with me.  I was concerned that my message was getting stale even though my readership is growing.  He told me that everything I have ever written about the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle is available on my website to anyone who looks for it.

 For those people that care enough to want the truth about the Lifestyle, it’s all there. From Day One, all I have ever wanted to be is a reliable resource because when we began our journey we couldn’t find anyone doing what I do now.

 Michael told me that anyone who does a Google search for “Hotwife Lifestyle” is going to find me and if I wanted to change my message, I should.

 Well, it’s not the message I want to change.  It is the way it is received, or perceived.  I’m not sure which of those terms is what I really mean.  When I was a paralegal, working with a bunch of lawyers going to several meetings a day, everyone was all about having an “Action Plan.” 

My action plan as a professional traveling companion never changes so I hadn’t given action plans a lot of thought until dinner with Michael over our second bottle of wine.

 It turns out that when talking about the Hotwife Lifestyle I have always used the term “fantasy” for men that that have the thought that they would like to share her sexually with other men.

 I have always used the term as if men had the Fantasy of wife sharing.  I usually say they want to “turn their fantasy into reality.”  My action plan is to stop saying that.  Going forward it is no longer a “fantasy” because a fantasy too often is something that is not realistic.

Men do not have a “fantasy” of sharing their wife with other men, they have a “desire” to share her.  Is this action plan a good idea?  I don’t know yet, but to me, a desire seems more doable than a fantasy!  So we’ll see.

~

Lexi the Hotwife #2

February 2, 2017

My blog Post in December, where I explained how I go about meeting Mr. Tonight went viral and I got a ton of email.  Apparently I raised as many questions as I answered by explaining how I do it.

Most of the mail I got was along the lines of “That’s fine if you live in an urban environment like downtown Tampa, Florida, but what about the rest of us who don’t have upscale hotels to sit in the lounge waiting to get picked up by Mr. Tonight.

When Michael and I began our journey into the Hotwife Lifestyle we did it the old fashioned way by making a lot of mistakes because we didn’t know any better.  Through a lot of trial and error, with a lot more failure than success for the first several months, I finally figured out a way to meet men which worked well for me.

Does it work every time?  Of course not.  But compared to the beginning when my husband was tagging along behind me to watch me interact with men from across the bar pretending he didn’t know me, I have come a long way.

It’s a process, and through that process I have had my share of amusing, quirky, thrilling, exciting, dangerous, scary, exhilarating, stupid, and occasionally public, spontaneous sexual encounters, with some of the men I have met.

The most bizarre experience would have to be in the parking lot of a Chili’s restaurant.  I agreed to hook up with a guy I met in the bar because he was a very good kisser.  I had my own car.  I left the restaurant with him.   We were negotiating where we were going to go as he walked me to my car.

I wasn’t brand new, but I didn’t have a lot of successful hook ups in my win column and I was getting quite a bit of pressure from my husband who was bitching about my pathetic record.

The young man wanted me to go to his apartment.  I said no!  He said he couldn’t afford a motel.  I wasn’t going to pay for it.  I could have, but why should I?  He continued trying to talk me into going to his apartment, and I was becoming annoyed.  I was thinking about just going home so he changed tactics and started kissing me again.

He was kissing me in a rather expressive way actually.  My resolve weakened.  I liked the way he kissed me very much!  He was an alpha male who excited all my senses.  He told me that if I wouldn’t  go to his apartment, he was thinking about pulling my panties down right there.

I told him that wasn’t going to happen.  He took it as a challenge.  He asked me why not?  I told him I wasn’t wearing panties.  He pulled me around to the front of my car, lifted my skirt and we did it right there with my butt on the hood of my car!

I bet the whole thing from start to finish took less than two minutes, but he got me good!  It also scared the shit out of me for doing something that spontaneous, risky, and stupid.  I had visions of the cops calling my husband to come and get me . . . again!  That had already happened to me once, but not because of public sex.

I didn’t go anywhere with him after that.  I got in my car and left because I was scared.  I called Michael because I was pretty sure he had seen the whole thing.  He hadn’t, and he didn’t believe me at first.  When I got home he went out in the garage to look at my car.  He took a photo of my butt print.  He had it framed and it hung proudly on the wall of his home office since our daughter was out of the nest.

So what is a more traditional way for a soccer mom Hotwife to meet someone who wants to have sex with her?  The answer to that is really very simple.  You meet men the same way you did when you were single.  You don’t have to meet him in a bar, and the sex doesn’t have to be spontaneously casual.

I meet men that way too sometimes.  Before I get into that, I need to explain my thinking about what I do.  I wear an ankle bracelet everywhere I go whenever I am not working, but unless someone asks me about my status as a Hotwife the subject never comes up.

I am perfectly happy to let a young Adonis who wants to flirt with me, believe he can talk me into cheating on my husband.  I really think they prefer that anyway.  It’s also a lot easier to move on afterward.

So here is a more traditional way to meet someone, when finding Mr. Tonight is not a reasonable option, or desired outcome.

Michael used to take me to civic fundraisers, and unless we ran into someone that knew us, he would turn me loose to mingle with the various social groups by myself.  It was like being at a huge party except nobody knew me which was the idea.

It’s a great way to meet interesting men.  Wearing wedding rings and being alone put a bull’s eye on my chest, or my ass, however you choose to look at the situation.  All a woman in that situation has to do is smile and act like she is happy to be there and happy to be out alone.

The standard question is always, “So where is your husband?”  If there was no interest on my part I would say “he’ll be here any minute”.  If I was interested but not committed, I would say “he is supposed to be on his way”.  If I was really interested in a guy that gave me his business card and asked if he could get to know me, I would say, “Yes, I would like that,” and give him my email address we made for that kind of monkey business and tell him it was private.

Every once in a while a loser latched on to me and wouldn’t take the hint so I would give Michael the sign and he would move in and rescue me, but that didn’t happen very often.

The following day if I got the email I was hoping to get, at that point it’s all business with no games.  The man knows I am married.  He also knows that there is only one reason I would be willing to meet him somewhere.

Most men are very considerate about dating a married woman especially if he thinks she is sneaking out to meet him.  That part is always a huge turn on for me and for Michael. The emailing goes quickly like texting.  I NEVER give my phone number to anyone.

“So when can we get together?”  He asks me via email.

“My husband is in Atlanta.  I could meet you tonight.”  I tell him.

“Just tell me when and where.”

So I tell him to meet me in the lounge of the Clarion across from University Mall at 8:00.  If this man is not smart enough to take the hint and get a room then he is a dumb ass and not worthy.  Either that or he will have an alternate plan in his pocket when I meet him in the lounge.  That concept has never not worked.  It always ends up being a sex date and I have never been disappointed in the results because I don’t have to rush anything.

These are my husband’s favorite kind of dates for me because he gets to debrief me both before and after the date.  He gets to sit on the end of the bed and watch me get dressed to be undressed.  That process built a lot of Intimacy in our marriage.

There are other ways for a married woman to put herself in situations to meet men if that is what she is hoping to do.  Just be careful not to do this around people who know you or you may accidently “out” yourself.

As Dr. Lexi, I advise keeping your marital social life and your Hotwife sex life completely separate.  Being a Hotwife should remain your Intimate secret with your husband.

Put yourself in places and situations where you will interact with the type of men that you like.  I joined the Y and I work out there because I want to maintain my body shape and I am attracted to gym rats with muscles.  It’s a win-win.

If I wander into the iron room I am going to get offers to spot for me.  I have no interested in lifting, but it’s a conversation starter and because I was working out I feel better about letting myself get talked into meeting him for a drink later.

I have been approached in the super market.  Not often, but it happens.  So the question is, how can you make it happen for you?  Easy peasy!

You don’t need to look like a Barbie doll.  You don’t need to have her figure.  You don’t even need to have a lot of self confidence, or a particularly outgoing personality.  You only need three things.

You need to have the basic desire to meet a man with whom you feel a certain amount of sexual chemistry, you need to smile when a man who interests you approaches you, and you need to be open minded about the potential result.

If you have those three things and you are patient, you will be successful because when you put yourself in the right place at the right time, the men do all the work.

So if it’s really as easy as I say it is, why did I have so much trouble in the beginning?

That’s a fair question.  For one thing I couldn’t find anyone back then to give me the kind of advice I’m giving you.  Another reason I was not successful early on, and it kills me to have to agree with my husband about this, but I was looking for Mr. Perfect, rather than Mr. Tonight, or Mr. This Month.

My standards were unreasonably high.  Lastly, I was not comfortable in the pond where I was fishing.  Alcohol was able to solve that problem for me but then I ended up doing stupid shit that turned into a photo opportunity for my husband!    I make better choices now.  Most of the time anyway!  Happy Groundhog Day if you are into that!

~

Hotwife Feedback

January 30, 2017

One of the most rewarding things about doing what I do for the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle is reading all the mail I get when something I write about strikes a nerve.

Three years ago when I became a brand new Hotwife and began going out to bars at night or sometimes during the day, and hooking up with men I met for casual sex, to fulfill Michael’s fantasy of wanting to share me with other men,  we had no clue where this Lifestyle would lead us.

The main reason I became a Lifestyle blogger and coach was because of all the issues we had when we decided to take the plunge.  Other than the totally useless Hotwife Forums, and even more worthless Hotwife Photo Caption writers, who portray the Hotwife Lifestyle in the extreme, we couldn’t find a reliable source of real information or anyone to ask for advice about how the Lifestyle works realistically.

So after a comedy of errors by doing just about everything backwards, just plain wrong, or totally screwed up, once we got the Lifestyle figured out as a real day to day married couple where the husband is not a cuckold, a sissy, an observer, a participant, a videographer, or a clearing house for the men I chose to have sex with, I decided to become that person.

Almost immediately I began hearing from couples already in the Hotwife Lifestyle thanking me for giving a voice to their world, the world of Hotwife Lifestyle reality.  Very quickly I found my niche as a champion for women like me, and men like Michael.

We were Mr. & Mrs. Suburbia.  We had a teenage daughter we were hiding mom’s secret from, a dog, a mortgage, bills, car repairs, and if my daughter had been a year younger than she was, we would have had soccer practice too.  I’ll tell you an amusing story about that sometime.

A woman who wrote to me regularly back then said that I was a “soccer mom” Hotwife.  That resonated loudly with me.  That aspect of this Lifestyle has become the cause I am championing.

Why does this matter?  It matters because of the way our Hotwife Lifestyle is being portrayed on porn sites and Lifestyle forums.  It is being portrayed in the extreme, and the extreme is not reality for the vast majority of married couples living the Hotwife Lifestyle.

How do I know that?  Because they write to me.  I bet I get a lot more mail than the photo caption writers do.

Now before I go too far with this and get myself in trouble, I need to admit that many Hotwife couples do live in the extreme.  I’m not saying those things you see in photo captions don’t happen in real life, but I am absolutely saying that is not the way the majority of soccer mom Hotwives live their lives on a day to day basis and one more thing.  Those women you see being gang banged or spit roasted didn’t start their brand new Hotwife Lifestyle career doing that either!

Why does that matter?  It matters because it makes my job more difficult than it needs to be.  Here is a thought for you to prove I know what I’m talking about.  When I receive an email form a man that would like my advice on how to turn his allegedly monogamous traditional wife into his fantasy fulfilling Hotwife, they come in mainly three varieties.

The first variety guy begins his email with at least two paragraphs informing me that he is not a cuckold, or a sissy, does not want humiliation or to be locked up.  All he wants is for his wife to fulfill his perfectly normal fantasy of wanting her to spread her legs for other men.

I find that sad, that these men are starting off with the wrong idea about the majority of normal Hotwife couples because they got their idea about how this works from photo caption writers in the world of porn and fantasy.  Here is the truth.  In the real world there is virtually NO link between Hotwife and Cuckold.

You should also understand this is not a cultural or ethnic issue either.  I am now up to 48 countries in which men have written to me, all with the same fantasy, and the same concerns.

Are there men that want that link in their own marriage?  Yes there are and they write to me too.  The ratio is maybe 1 in 50.

The second variety begins with asking for my help and advice without giving me a lot of background information to go on.  Just so you all know, neither one of my two Superpowers include Mindreading.

So when I ask him what he wants his wife to do, I get a laundry list, of everything he has even seen in the photo captions including holding her hand with one hand, and his video camera in the other as he records her being gang banged in a motel room.  Hmmm.  I find that sad too, for exactly the same reason.

Some men think that if they see it happening in photo captions then his wife ought to be willing to do it for him too.  These conversations can be amusing at times.

Dr. Lexi:  “What did your wife say when you told her what you wanted her to do?”

The man: “I haven’t told her yet.  That’s why I am writing to you.”

Or he did tell her what he wanted her to do and wants me to hand him down a ladder so he can climb out of the hole he dug.

The third variety is the man who has the very normal fantasy of wanting to share his wife with other men but isn’t really sure if he could actually go through with that and turn the fantasy into reality.

These men are special to me even when they don’t tell me the truth at first.  I can identify with them totally.  I have a fantasy of being lost while traveling by myself.  I wander into a biker bar to ask for directions.  I am wearing a “fuck me” dress and shoes.  I am gang raped by a dozen bikers on top of a pool table or sometimes right on the bar.  It’s a really great fantasy but I would never want that to happen to me in real life.

Some of them are bothered by Lifestyle perceptions and some one of them are not, but their common trait is that they have heard my warning which is “Be careful what you wish for because once your Genie is out of the bottle she is not going back inside.”

These men want someone to talk to about their concerns.  Some of them end up with a practicing Hotwife and some of them want more than they have but end up figuring out a way to spice up their traditional marriage without that ultimate step.

So what is the reason why any of this matters to me?  Well, at the risk of sounding more like a marriage counselor than a Hotwife Lifestyle coach or advisor, there are lots of different paths to take when considering whether any or all of this amazing Alternative Marriage Lifestyle is right for you.

Personally everyone who writes to me about this Lifestyle enriches my life, whether it is for advice, questions, looking for nuggets of gold in the river sand, or to tell me you like my blog or website.

I can help you enrich your marriage by simply practicing the principles I preach about building Intimacy which is the basic foundation building block of this Hotwife Lifestyle.  The principles work just as well for traditional marriages

It is my belief that it is an easier decision to make if people were not being bombarded with so much of the extreme end.  I wish I could fix that, but I can’t.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

~

Hotwife How to Shortcut

January 15, 2017

File this under the heading of Hotwife Shortcut.  Anyone who has been following me either on Tumblr or Medium.com knows that Dr. Lexi preaches building Intimacy before having a conversation with your wife about turning your fantasy of sharing her with other men from a fantasy to a reality.

That is my only mission here, to tell the truth about the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle and offer a realistic plan to make it happen.  The contents in my mailbox is how I decide what to write about most of the time.

My theory is that if I get ten emails asking me basically the same thing, it tells me there are at least a hundred others out there with the same question.  That logic should make sense to anyone.

So, lately I have been getting quite a few emails that go like this:  “Dr. Lexi I have been following your advice and have been building Intimacy with my wife and I have seen some positive benefits from it, but regardless of how much Intimacy I try and build, I simply can’t make the words come out of my mouth to ask her to turn my fantasy into a reality.  Please help!”

Although it is my belief that once you have enough Intimacy in your marriage you can talk about anything, I have learned that not everyone agrees with me about that. (Men I am coaching, specifically)

So, Dr. Lexi has come up with what most people would consider to be a “work around”.  I know this term from my work experience as a paralegal helping the lawyers get ready for a trial when the facts were somewhat inconvenient to their client, but my husband tells me it is a universal term for an alternative approach to just about anything.

Now, just so you know, this technique did not simply come to me in a dream one night.  I have been thinking about this for quite a while actually.  I think that is referred to as beta testing?

Anyway, this has been tested and revised and tested again, but it’s like any other new technology or drug trial, or new anything.  It doesn’t work all of the time, but to be totally honest, what does?

The thing is, if you fit into a specific group of men where you have been practicing what I preach, have been making progress, and your wife has seen the improvement in your relationship, this can work.

Any of you who have ever written to me know I am not a fan of “pillow talk” as a Communication tool.  Why is that?  I get at least five emails a week from men who are frustrated because during sex, or after sex, because in the heat of the moment his wife often times agrees to anything.  Personally I think that is fucked up, but that is my role as a Lifestyle Reporter to report what I hear.

So the next morning after she has come to her senses, and she doesn’t remember anything, it turns out your balls are not big enough to talk about it with your clothes on.  Sound familiar?

If so then I have a possible solution for you that does not require your balls to be the size of Texas!

Normally I try and give mostly universal advice about this Lifestyle that can work for anyone but this is specifically NOT one of those times.  I’m pretty sure if you try this approach without having a certain amount of Intimacy along with Open and Honest Communication, you are likely to get shot out of the sky by your heat seeking wife missile, so keep that in mind.

Now then, this approach requires no tools, but it does require one part, which you must have on hand prior to doing this.  This instruction is sort of like the instructions that came with the kitchen island I bought from Ikea, that I thought I could put together myself, but couldn’t.

It looked easy enough and I liked it because right at the top it showed little pictures of the tools I would need.  Well anyway, you don’t need any tools for this but you do need an ankle bracelet to put on your wife’s ankle at the appropriate time.

This procedure is going to occur during some part of “pillow talk” with your naked sexy wife.  I can’t tell you exactly when to do this maneuver, but you should be able to decide that for yourself.  It can be either before or after sex or during foreplay but it needs to be during that period of time when you are able to tell her want you want, when she is most receptive.

The second that she agrees to your fantasy* you are going to reach under your pillow for the ankle bracelet I told you to have on hand, and you are going to put it on her ankle that second.  Then you can go right back to doing what you were doing unless the mood was broken or the conversation becomes more.**

Now before I explain the possible outcomes here, I want to explain what you have accomplished assuming you have that basic Intimacy which I’m telling you is very important!

You have accomplished something while both of you are in your comfort zone that you both probably want, and you have taken the additional step of proving you are serious by putting an ankle bracelet on her ankle.  Stay with me here.

It’s really nothing more than a symbolic gesture, but it’s meaningful.  Think of it as like a salesman’s handshake after a negotiation.  That is the part I hate going with Michael to buy a car.

“But Dr. Lexi, isn’t that taking advantage of a woman during a moment of weakness?”  Yeah, it is.

I could write a lot of flowery bullshit right here but the facts are what they are.  Men have been doing that to us for thousands of years anyway and if she really doesn’t want to do it, it isn’t going to happen.

But, and this is a huge but, not to be confused with a huge butt, this time your pillow talk has had real world results.

Now try not to over think this.  You wanted her to fulfill your fantasy but you could not make the words come out of your mouth unless you were in bed with your naked and turned on wife.  Like usual you started talking about your fantasy, and like usual she let you know that the thought of being impaled by a BBC is a pleasant thought, or whatever it was.  Here is the “but” part.  But now she knows you meant it because when she wakes up in the morning you are going to have a conversation about it because she won’t have amnesia.

In fact with any luck at all she is going to be the one to start the conversation which may go something like this:  “What that fuck happened last night?”, or “Why am I wearing this bracelet on my ankle?” or, “You tricked me!”, or, “Is that what you really want?”  All of those things are OK because you are going to be prepared for them.

“But Dr. Lexi, what if she says nothing about it just like before?”

She can’t.  You took that option off the table by putting the ankle bracelet on her ankle.  Here’s the thing.  Even if she removes it in the morning and says nothing, it doesn’t matter because then you can ask, “What happened to your ankle bracelet?”  That takes the conversation right back to last night.

Here is the real benefit of this plan.  You were able to get the words out of your mouth on pretty much your own terms.  She responded positively, and you put an ankle bracelet on her ankle which will serve to allow you to be able to continue the conversation by the light of day without having to remind her by making the words come out of your mouth again, because now you can talk about the ankle bracelet, or what happened to it.

You won’t have to re-state your request to fulfill your fantasy* which is what terrified you in the first place, and now that you have established a basic Intimacy she is not going to scream at you that you are a sick fuck!

You will however have to expand on it because the conversation will become more.**

So what’s up with these asterisks?  It’s about strategy.  When you are having your fantasy* conversation during pillow talk it is pretty important that you don’t overdo it, or make it so elaborate that she is never going to agree, because you can’t put the anklet on her ankle unless she does.

That is critical because eventually the conversation becomes more.**  Why?  Because once the words are out of your mouth and she goes along with it, everything beyond that point is a negotiable detail, that you are going to have to explain to her is going to be a baby step forward that never takes her out of her comfort zone.  Reference the page on my website called “The Chili’s Game.

So here is my disclaimer:  You need to have your ducks in a row before you try this plan because the conversation becomes more** in a very big way, very quickly.  Keep in mind that most women who understand the benefits to her marriage by opening up her end of it, and who are not threatened by a loss of marital/family security, really want to do this.

Your first step was to tell her what you wanted.  Now she is going to have a thousand questions.  You need to have the answers, but lucky for you, because you have Dr. Lexi.

My best advice to you if you think this plan might work for you with your own situation is to write to me first so we can talk about it.

~

Happy Hotwife New Year!

January 1, 2017

If your New Year’s resolution has anything at all to do with turning your wife into a real life Hotwife, Dr. Lexi has some advice for you that you can’t get from the photo caption writers on Tumblr or other porn and fantasy sites.

Yes ladies, this advice is specifically for men but keep reading because Dr. Lexi has your back.  I have some advice for you as well.

So guys, here are some things you need to resolve to get done as Action Plan items to reach your goal because until she agrees to do this for you, you got nothing but your fantasy and your hand!

You need to treat your wife better every day.  You need to make her the most important person in your life.  You need to focus all of your attention on her.  You need to make her feel special.

Normally this is where I would say that you need to build Intimacy but I suspect most of you are tired of reading that.  So this is my work around.  Sorry to sound like a paralegal, instead of using one of my husband’s beloved sports analogies, which he assured me I would have to use if I wanted men to understand my message, but my own New Year’s resolution was to communicate with men with my own words without Michael’s book of translated sports analogies, many of which I never use anyway because I don’t understand them.

If I can figure out how to communicate with men using my own words, you can figure out how to communicate with your wife using concepts she understands like affection, thoughtfulness, listening to her, which is not the same thing as paying “lip service”.

You need to think of lip service as something you hope she will perform for you during a Hotwife date on Mr. Tonight, who she meets in a bar, or something she does to him in his car after a library fundraiser, and then comes home and shares all of the details with you about exactly what a very naughty girl she was!

You need to bring her flowers.  You need to help with household duties, watch the kids, empty the trash or the dishwasher.  You need to have a glass of wine with her after the kids go to bed and ask about her day.

You need to understand that when she bitches about stuff, she is not looking for you to put on your Mr. Fix It hat and take some arbitrary action.  She wants you to listen to her.

You need to clean out all the shit that she has swept under the marital rug for all these years.  Here is a computer analogy for you instead.  Just because you delete a file, it’s still taking up memory in your hard drive until you empty your recycle bin just like when your wife sweeps one of your transgressions under the marital rug, it’s still in her memory, until it is resolved, which is the same thing as emptying your recycle bin.

OK well, that’s my own analogy so if I didn’t get it exactly right hopefully you know what I meant.

You need to give her a personal compliment every day.  If she asks you if her jeans make her ass look big . . .  well, you get the idea.  That one is a trap.  Don’t fall for it.  I always tell men I am coaching to not ever lie to their wife, but sometimes tact is a little more important than a little white lie, because no matter how big her ass may be there are men out there that want to spread her legs!

So what’s the bottom line here?  If you do all of these things for a while you will notice a change in your wife for the better, and when you begin to notice that change or if she becomes suspicious or curious of your motives, that is the time to show her a complete plan about your fantasy of sharing her with other men.

Guys, this is not rocket science!  It’s relationship science.  If you explain this completely in a way that makes sense to her from the position of having built credibility, by establishing Intimacy first,  she may not say yes, right away, but all that means is she wants more information.

There are a couple of caveats however.  When you explain the details of your fantasy about sharing her with other men, your fantasy should be a realistic fantasy and not something over the moon you came up with from looking at Hotwife photo captions on Tumblr which seems pretty normal for a Hotwife in your mind because you see it so often on line.

Trust me!  Most of the stuff you see in photo captions does not happen in the real Hotwife community, at least not starting out.  So make it realistic even if you have to dial down your fantasy in the beginning.

Think of this as a process, not a sale.  You need to ask her to do this in steps that don’t take her out of her comfort zone in the beginning.  Read my website page called The Chili’s Game.

~

Now then, as promised I have some advice for the potential Hotwife in your life so listen up ladies.  Maybe your own New Year’s resolution is to figure out a way to get your husband to do more than hope you will volunteer to become his Hotwife simply because all he does is drop you huge hints during “pillow talk”.  We both know why that is never going to happen.

It’s because if his balls are not big enough to actually have this convo with you while you both have your clothes on, he can’t be trusted not to blame you if something goes down he doesn’t like, if he won’t even take ownership of the request.

This advice to you assumes he actually did show you a completely painted picture of why he wants to share you with other men and asked you to do it for real.

You already know you want to do it because after all, what right thinking woman wouldn’t want to have the security of being married, while also having the marriage open on her end allowing her to date and have a personal sex life of her own in addition to her marital sex life?

No one! That’s who!  Your marital sex life is going to become supercharged as well because you are fulfilling his fantasy of wanting to share you with other men.

So my advice to you is pretty simple.  You need to understand that you have all the bargaining chips and your husband has none!   Michael kept telling me all the things he wanted me to do for him with other men.  This is what I told him. "I'm not doing it!  When you are the one spreading your legs then you can tell me what to do!"  Finally he figured it out.  Without my cooperation and participation he has no Hotwife.

So if part of your husband’s fantasy is outside your comfort zone you need to tell him, now say it along with me, “I’m not doing that!”

What’s the downside?  Zero, because even if your husband says “OK, then forget it!”  He doesn’t mean it.  He will eventually agree to your demands and then when you gain some experience, and love your new life, and what he wanted you to do initially, will eventually be inside your comfort zone.  Maybe!

Happy New Year from Dr. Lexi!